Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #73: Hard Ticket To Hawaii

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the 73rd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Apologies for slight lateness of this edition. I was going to post this at the end of June as originally planned but due to being busy with a few things that week, I didn’t get a chance to do it until now. As you already know last month here on, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 73rd instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… HARD TICKET TO HAWAII! Is this one of the greatest awesomely bad films of all time? How is it possible for an action film to be as insane as this one is? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again: is it too late for me to not watch this film? #HardTicketToHawaii

I’m only 30 seconds in and this film is so delightfully ‘80s. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, my God! It’s Ridge from THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL! Ron Moss for the win! #HardTicketToHawaii

I’m only a minute and a half into this film and I’ve already have boobs onscreen. #HardTicketToHawaii

I don’t know about anyone else but I have a feeling that these policemen are gonna be dead any second now. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, no! The drug dealers have seen you! Run, policemen! Run! #HardTicketToHawaii

Well, you guys didn’t get too far. You got caught in a trap already, and now you’re dead. It’s your own stupid fault. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, man. The facial expression of the drug dealer with the mirrored sunglasses when they caught and killed those policemen was hilarious! #HardTicketToHawaii

I don’t know about anyone else, but these might be both the best and creative opening credits for a film ever. #HardTicketToHawaii

Yeah, that running the loader in that hanger is doing a very terrible job at the moment. #HardTicketToHawaii

There’s box that says *Caution: Contaminated Snake* and man, the snake that’s inside it looks hilarious bad lol. #HardTicketToHawaii

Why do I get the feeling 5 minutes a pair boobs are just going to pop up out nowhere during this film? It’s happened twice already in this first 10 minutes. #HardTicketToHawaii

I don’t know why the female agent that we saw with Ron Moss earlier Donna and her friend Taryn are wearing pilot uniforms as skimping as those but I’m just going to go with it. #HardTicketToHawaii

Yeah, it’s pretty clear that both the actresses playing Donna & Taryn are just randomly pressing buttons on that plane. #HardTicketToHawaii

Uh, on. That just put that contaminated snake on their plane. This is definitely not going to be good. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, man. This self-titled theme song for HARD TICKET TO HAWAII is so much ‘80s cheese that it’s almost as amazing as the songs from MIAMI CONNECTION. #HardTicketToHawaii

Wait! They weren’t suppose to take that snake?! It got mixed up with a non-dangerous snake they were meant to deliver? This is not good. #HardTicketToHawaii

Once again, that puppet snake looks utterly hilarious. #HardTicketToHawaii

So… The main bad guy in this film is named Mr. Chang and he’s played by a very white actor… Okay. #HardTicketToHawaii

I like how Mr. Chang sends diamonds to the drug dealers on the island via a toy remote control helicopter. #HardTicketToHawaii

Donna & Taryn, why are you scared of that toy helicopter? It’s not going to hurt you. #HardTicketToHawaii

Look out, girls! There’s some henchmen coming for ya! #HardTicketToHawaii

Worst henchman ever. Seriously the girls were able to defeat and get away from them pretty easy. #HardTicketToHawaii

“Let’s hit the jacuzzi. I do my best thinking there” I sense another random nude scene coming up. #HardTicketToHawaii

I like how that box is so small but the snake itself is probably at least 20 feet long. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, hi the film’s writer/director Andy Sidaris. I’m not surprised that you cast yourself in a role in your film. #HardTicketToHawaii

“You practically rapped me last” “Charlotte, that was yesterday. This is today” Wait… WHAT?! DID I JUST HEAR THAT?! Oh, my God! #HardTicketToHawaii

“I’ll have a pair of coffee” I don’t know about anyone else, but I think that Sidaris may be obsessed with boobs. #HardTicketToHawaii

Here’s the head drug dealer Mr. Romero. The other bad guy in this film. Oh, boy. He’s probably the most least intimidating ones of all time. #HardTicketToHawaii

Boobs. Boobs everywhere. #HardTicketToHawaii

Ron Moss is back and he’s being taught martial arts from his friend Jade. Their bromance is pretty epic. #HardTicketToHawaii

So… That delivery guy is meant to be from a sushi restaurant but he delivers Rowdy & Jade a sandwich. Okay. #HardTicketToHawaii

I don’t know why the agency delivers messages through sandwiches but whatever. #HardTicketToHawaii

You know it doesn’t surprise me that all that Donna & Jade would have a poster of Andy Sidaris’ previous film MALIBU EXPRESS on their wall. It really doesn’t. #HardTicketToHawaii

Look out, Donna & Taryn! Romero’s henchman are invading your place! #HardTicketToHawaii

I like how one of the henchmen wear stockings over their faces but it’s clear they can’t fit their heads at all. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, man. The acting from the actor who plays Romero when he sees the snake escape is hilarious! #HardTicketToHawaii

Holy, shit! Donna just shot Romero right in the face! #HardTicketToHawaii

I like how Donna & Taryn’s boss at the airport is only just getting to them *now* about how they got the wrong snake and how dangerous it is. It would have been easier if he called their house rather than their radio on the plane. #HardTicketToHawaii

“I’m going to give you the best seat in the house” “Where’s that?” “You can seat right here on my face” “Why’s that? Is your nose bigger than your dick?” OOOOHHHHH!!!! #HardTicketToHawaii

So much big ‘80s hair. #HardTicketToHawaii

Jimmy John Jackson. Why kind of a name is that? #HardTicketToHawaii

So there’s a blonde woman at the bar who’s spying on Donna & Taryn’s phone conversation with Rowdy & Jade by… Sticking a cord to side of the phone and listen through headphones? I don’t know how that works. #HardTicketToHawaii

Wait, hold the phone! Romero got shot right in the bloody face and his wound is only just a graze? WTF?! #HardTicketToHawaii

Why does the score for this film sounds like music from a infomercial? #HardTicketToHawaii

Ahhh… Why is Taryn making out with Jimmy John at the beach all day when she was told to go into hiding the night before? This doesn’t make any sense. #HardTicketToHawaii

I don’t know what type of pants Jade is wearing but they are hilarious. #HardTicketToHawaii

Ummm… Why is that evil henchman doing a handstand on a skateboard while going downhill towards Rowdy & Jade? #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, my God! Now the henchman is holding a blowup doll and using it hide his gun! What is going on?! #HardTicketToHawaii

Jade just got shot in the chest point black and the bullet only just grazed him. The guns in this film are clearly not doing any damage at all. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, man! Rowdy & Jade reversed their car back and hit the henchman, and now he’s flying through the air lol! #HardTicketToHawaii

What the hell?! Where on earth did Rowdy get that rocket launcher from?! #HardTicketToHawaii

OOOHHH MMMYYY GGGOOODDD!!! Rowdy shot and blew up henchman while he was flying through the air with the rocket launcher and then did the same thing to the blowup doll as well! This may be the most incredible scene I have ever seen in all of cinema LMFAO!!!! #HardTicketToHawaii

Also… How did that blowup doll explode like that?! I don’t think it’s even possible lol! #HardTicketToHawaii

I forgot to mention earlier that Donna & Taryn drop a married off at an island earlier. Now we’re back to them for no apparent reason. #HardTicketToHawaii

OMG! That fake giant snake is back and it just attacked the couple! The husband’s reaction to it is hilarious lol! #HardTicketToHawaii

I don’t know how it’s possible, but I think I’ve seen more boobs in the first hour of this film than the entire two hour running time of SHOWGIRLS. #HardTicketToHawaii

That blonde barwoman is spying on the good guys again. #HardTicketToHawaii

WWWHHHAAATTT?! The blonde barwoman was a really a man in disguised?! My mind is blown now! He played it convincingly! #HardTicketToHawaii

I like how Taryn spies on the bad guys’ base by using a giant video camera. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, no! Romero kidnapped Edy!… Who’s Edy? #HardTicketToHawaii

Okay. Now some random sumo wrestlers have shown up. This film insane enough as it is, so I’m now longer questioning any of this lol. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, man. Donna & Taryn’s reactions to finding the married couple’s dead bodies after their snake attack is hysterical! #HardTicketToHawaii

Ummm… Donna & Taryn… The snake is just right there! How can you not have seen it?! #HardTicketToHawaii

I’m not going to lie: every time I see that fake snake, I can’t help but burst out laughing lol. #HardTicketToHawaii

You want to know how you can tell you are watching an ‘80s action film? The bad guys are always about cocaine and diamonds. #HardTicketToHawaii

Wait, so the henchman wearing the mirrored sunglasses from earlier in the film is named Shades? Seriously couldn’t they have come up with a better name than that? #HardTicketToHawaii

Rowdy & Donna are just having sex all of a sudden and I honestly have no idea what the hell she is doing to him. Whatever it is, it’s make him moan really, really loud lol. #HardTicketToHawaii

Mr. Chang is back and he’s just as white as ever. #HardTicketToHawaii

Geez, that’s a lot of fire power that the good guys are stocking up. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, no! Ron Moss is wearing a speedo! Put it away, put it away! #HardTicketToHawaii

Okay, Rowdy is playing frisbee with Shade. Alright. #HardTicketToHawaii

Omg! Rowdy has pulled out a frisbee that has blades all over it and threw it at Shades, killing him. This is amazing lol! #HardTicketToHawaii

Brace yourselves: the big action climax is coming. #HardTicketToHawaii

I like how Rowdy can’t shoot straight with a regular gun but he only can with a rocket launcher. That’s hilarious. #HardTicketToHawaii

I don’t how it’s possible that Jade didn’t see that henchman there. He was standing right there! It’s not that hard to see him. #HardTicketToHawaii

Does a fight actually count as a fight if the two people participating in it are barely doing anything to each other? #HardTicketToHawaii

Geez, Rowdy’s rocket launcher clearly has different modes depending on the scene. It can make a blowup doll explode, but the next it make someone fly out of a window when it hits them. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, come on. That exploding helicopter was clearly a model lol. #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, man. The dialogue in this film is so awfully hilarious lol! #HardTicketToHawaii

Whoops! They forgot to kill Romero. They better go back and get him. #HardTicketToHawaii

How did Donna get back to her house before the others did? #HardTicketToHawaii

Look out, Donna! Romero is in the house! #HardTicketToHawaii

Clearly this scene with Donna locked in the closet with Romero trying to brake in is a obvious homage to HALLOWEEN. #HardTicketToHawaii

Look out, Donna! Despite shooting him with a harpoon gun, Romero still isn’t dead! #HardTicketToHawaii

Geez, Romero isn’t trying to fight back against Donna. She’s beating his arse really good. What a wuss. #HardTicketToHawaii

It’s okay, Donna. Hideout in the bathroom. Nothing can hurt you in the-OH MY GOD! THAT GIANT SNAKE HAS JUST EXPLODED OUT OF THE TOILET!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!! #HardTicketToHawaii

Oh, man. The snake just bit Romero in the face and now he’s finally dead. Hopefully Romero will stay dead this time because he’s died 5 times in this film already. #HardTicketToHawaii

Man, that bloody snake is so hilariously bad, that it’s awesome lol! #HardTicketToHawaii

Run, Donna! The snake is coming for you now! #HardTicketToHawaii

Holy shit! Rowdy has just come flying into Donna’s house on motorcycle, pulled out his rocket launcher and blew up the snake. There’s only one why to react to amazing scene like that… #HardTicketToHawaii

Okay, now the gang has come to the mainland to finally kill Mr. Chang. Who’s still very much a white man. #HardTicketToHawaii

Clearly Malcolm McDowell was the basis for Mr. Chang because the actor playing him is pretty much doing his best McDowell impression. #HardTicketToHawaii

OMG! Donna just shot Mr. Chang out the window and it’s pretty clear that it’s a doll that’s flying through the air lmfao! #HardTicketToHawaii

Wow. Taryn’s reaction to Mr. Chang’s body landing in front of her was a bit delayed. #HardTicketToHawaii

Watching this film, it’s pretty obvious that everyone knows EXACTLY what type of film that they are in. #HardTicketToHawaii

Since all the bad guys are dead, it looks like diamonds now belong to the good guys. A happy ending for all! #HardTicketToHawaii

Well, that’s end of the film. I don’t say this often unless I really mean it, but I mean it now. HARD TICKET TO HAWAII is without a doubt one of the greatest films in the entire history of cinema. If you haven’t seen it, seek it out. You won’t regret it. #HardTicketToHawaii

Me after watching HARD TICKET TO HAWAII for the first time.

I hope you all enjoyed reading this 73rd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in later this month for my 74th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: JOHNNY MNEMONIC, LITTLE NICKY and SUPERGIRL. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on soon!

Written by Bede Jermyn


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