Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #14: Die Another Day

This entry was posted on July 24, 2014 by , in Columns, Tweets and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 14th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. It was a very close race between two films, but one managed to beat out the other one single vote. Which was it you ask? Well, for this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… DIE ANOTHER DAY! Will I figure out why on Earth was Madonna’s Bond theme chosen of this film? Is this film really the worst Bond film of all time? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I’ll never get sick of these ‘Bond shooting at the camera’ openings, there always awesome!

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Well, I’m already 5 seconds in and the film has already gone down hill

How so you ask? Bond is riding on a surfboard. Yes, a surfboard.

Man, this is surfing scene feels just as out-of-place as the one in ESCAPE FROM L.A. It’s just really dumb.

Man, the green screen in this movie is awful!

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I don’t know why this doing all these full on martial art moves on this punching bag.

Oh! Now I know why! There was a guy inside it. I guess you can say it was a ‘body bag’ *ba-da-dis*

Pierce Brosnan. Pimp.

I don’t know why, but the bad guy’s name (Colonel Moon) makes me giggle lol.

It’s strange how those tank buster guns look very similar to the pulse rifles from ALIENS

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Geez, you know you don’t have to destroy everything in your path, Bond!

I’m just going to come out and say it: we need more flame throwers in movies

How is it possible that Bond didn’t get blown back when all those bullets hit that bulletproof vest?

I REGRET NOTHING… *Explodes*

I don’t know how this movie did it, but this is probably awkwardly put together Bond opening credits in the WHOLE series

Which is strange ’cause they are usually one of the big highlights about these films. This one is just… Ugh.

Plus it doesn’t help that Madonna’s Bond theme is pretty bad too. It doesn’t help fit the movie at all.

Don’t get me wrong I like Madonna, but surely she could have come up with a better song than… That!

There’s a lot of diamond imagery in this film. I’m surprised that they didn’t call it DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER TOO: ON THE MOVE

‘Directed by Lee Tamahori’ How on Earth did the director of ONCE WERE WARRIORS go from making that to… This?!

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Hey Eddie Vedder! Oh wait that’s a bearded Piece Brosnan. Sorry.

This scene where the North Koreans letting Bond go would be pretty awesome if Angelina Jolie released was with him.

If have seen the film SALT, you’ll know what I’m talking about in that last tweet lol.

Man, you would think that somebody would’ve gotten all those diamonds out of Zao’s face by now.

Oh, hi Michael Madsen. What are you doing here?

Wait a sec… MI6 let Bond be imprisoned in North Korea almost 18 months?! Those arseholes!

I like how Pierce Brosnan is desperately trying to suck his stomach in every time he is shirtless onscreen.

Don’t worry, Bond. M treated Silva the same way back when he was an agent in SKYFALL

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Yes, only someone like Bond can walk into high class looking like a wet rat and still be pretty awesome

Geez, that’s a lot of suits they sent up to Bond.

Looking suave, Mr. Bond.

Man, Chang is a perv. He and his men were hiding in Bond’s closet, video tapping him with that woman.

You can definitely tell that Bond is in Cuba, cause everyone he has met so far has been smoking a cigar.

I like how this film gives us a quick reminder about how awesome the health care is in Cuba.

I really dig this Cuban inspired take on the Bond theme. It’s pretty cool!

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Oh, hi Halle Berry and your awesome bikini!

Clearly Halle isn’t modelling off that bikini at all.

I like how the dialogue in this film is just mainly double-entendres and puns.

Actually come to think of it, I think there are more of them in this film than the entirety of the Bond franchise

When he means by ‘feast’, he really means ‘having sex’

There totally doing *it* right now! And it’s awkward!

I suppose it could be worse. Halle could have been having again sex with Billy Bob Thornton right now instead of Pierce.

What is up with this guy’s accent? Is it from New Zealand? South African? Both? I have no idea!

I like how that woman just doesn’t react at all after that guy gets punched in the face by Bond.

Ian Fleming’s James Bond 007 in: WEEKEND AT BERNIE’S.

Nice to get a bit of product placement in there with that Sony security camera.

I have to say that shot of Bond walking pass those spinning mirrors is actually pretty damn cool if I say so myself

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So…This doctor does ‘DNA replacement therapy’. Yeah, I know that this is a Bond film and all, but even I know that’s too far fetch for this series.

Oh, for crying out loud! Can somebody please get those diamonds out of Zao’s face! They can’t be that hard to get out.

“James! I forgot to tell you I put a bomb in that Doctor’s offi-Oh, wait never mind”

I like how Jinx stops these guards from shooting her by stripping down to her bikini.

Yeah, if this scene was taking place in real life, Jinx totally wouldn’t survive that dive.

Why is Michael Madsen acting like he is drunk?

“London Calling” by the Clash is now playing. Clearly Bond is landing in Mexico City.

My God… The bag guy Gustas Graves has only been onscreen for a few seconds and already want to punch him in the face.

Oh hi pointless cameo by Madonna!

Hello Rosamund Pike! *re-ow*

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Geez, the filmmakers are really milking Madonna’s cameo aren’t they?

So many double-entendres.

I don’t know what it is about Toby Stephens, but he has a very punchable face.

This sword fighting between Bond and Graves is very over-the-top, but also very boring too.

Is this the same underground hideout that was used in SKYFALL? It kind of looks like it.

No! They killed Miss Moneypenny! Why!

Oh, thank goodness. It was only a virtual reality simulator. I was worried there for a second.

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Clearly this scene was only put in the film so we can see all the gadgets that were previous used in the other Bond films.

I don’t know why Bond sniffed that shoe. It was… Weird.

Oh, dear God. They’ve brought out the invisible car. It was only a matter of time I suppose.

So Graves’s assistant Miranda is actually a MI6 agent. Clearly she’s not the one who betrayed Bond at all. Not at all. 

Uh, oh. We’re in Iceland. Brace yourselves… Mr. Freeze quotes from BATMAN & ROBIN are coming.

I like how there is a henchman named Mr. Kil. Best. Henchman. Name. Ever!!!

“Ice to see you, Mr. Bond!”

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Geez, Graves has really one up Mr. Freeze by having his own giant ice palace.

Seriously, I’m expecting Arnold Schwarzenegger as turn up any second now as Mr. Freeze.

Why does Graves’s racing clothes look exactly like the X-Men’s uniforms from X-MEN: FIRST CLASS?

Oh, no. Here comes some more double-entendres and puns now that Jinx has shown up.

What the hell is with the design of that mask that Graves is wearing?! It’s freaking me out!

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WHY DOES ZAO STILL HAVE DIAMONDS IN HIS FACE?!

It’s amazing how the Brosnan-era Bond started off being Craig-esque, than eventually went to Moore territory by this film

I know those guards couldn’t see the invisible car behind them, but you would think they were still hear how loud it was.

Why is Graves wearing a very expensive looking Nintendo power glove?

There is some really weird and awkwardly done slow-mo moments in this film.

Well, if the ice palace is Mr Freeze’s hideout, then clearly that green house is where Poison Ivy is living.

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Man, Halle Berry’s acting in this scene was… Shocking *ba-da-dis*

“I’ll let you on a secret. This mine is fake, but the lasers are real” This line doesn’t make sense at all!

As my friend said once, “why on Earth would you use real lasers in a fake mine?!”

With all the lasers in this film, I’m surprised that Graves didn’t have any sharks with laser beams attached to their heads

An unseen woman is moaning while there is a buzzing sound is playing… Oh, see what you did there, movie.

Man, it’s taken a while for that laser beam to get to Jinx’s head.

I guess you can say that Mr. Kil lived up to his name by getting… Killed *ba-da-dis*

That’s a bit gruesome what you’re doing there, Jinx.

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What?! Graves is really Colonel Moon! *DA! DDAA! DDDDDAAAAA!!!!!*

Wait a second… That doesn’t make any damn sense at all! As a matter of fact, the villain in this film doesn’t make sense full stop.

Wait… Miranda was the one who betrayed Bond? Wow, what a surprise. I did not see that coming at all… NNNOOOTT!!!!

“Kill him quietly!” I’m sure your henchmen would, Graves, if they weren’t making so much bloody noise!!!

Is it just me or does Pierce’s running look hilarious in this film?

Graves has a henchman that looks like Klaus Kinski.

Oh, man. The CGI in this film looks so bad! It almost looks effects that they most of the SyFy channel films these days.

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Oh, dear God! Bond is para-surfing! With awful CGI waves!

You would think Jinx could easily escape from that room, considering how thin those ice walls are.

Umm… Where is that plane landing?

Yeah, the plot to this film doesn’t make any sense at all.

Is it just me or does the ice palace looks a tiny bit like the Sydney Opera House?

So… What’s the villain’s motivation again?

“Freeze in Hell, Mr. Bond!”

It’s amazing that Jinx didn’t get cut up when Bond dragged her through that broken window.

I honestly think that Michael Madsen showed up drunk everyday while making this movie.

Yeah, this film is so much like Roger Moore entry that it’s not even funny.

Man, Bond is taking a long time to cut into that fence.

It’s a good thing that Graves brought along his car collection, I’m sure he needed those.

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Why is Graves dressed up like the Green Goblin from THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2?

Geez, Graves is using that Nintendo power glove thing of his again.

I like how the film awkwardly uses slow motion at the most random of moments.

No! Klaus Kinski just got sucked out a window!

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Ummm… Why is Rosamund Pike wearing a bra instead of a shirt?

Not that I’m complaining, but that’s weird thing to wear while your in a fight with Halle Berry.

Graves just got sucked into an engine. What a way to go!

Yeah, Halle doesn’t do one liners as well as Pierce does them.

I know I’ve already said this before but man, the CGI in this film is really bad.

“Now you said something about going down together?” Oh, Bond. You and your double entendres.

Hello! Bond and Miss Moneypenny are getting it on!

Oh, didn’t actually happen. It was all apart of the virtual reality simulator. That’s disturbing.  

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Meanwhile in some little shack in the middle of nowhere…

Oh, my God. The dialogue in this last scene…

Don’t get too attached, Jinx. Just like George Clooney, Bond is going to get a new girlfriend very soon.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 13th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late July for the next one which could one of the following three films: DOUBLE DRAGON, GHOULIES or X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted here on SuperMarcey.com soon! Also look out next for a very special one-off edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, which I’ll be watching and live-tweeting… SHARNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE!

– Bede Jermyn

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