Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon Special Edition: Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Hey everyone! Welcome to a very special edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. If you remember from around this time last year, I decided to do a special edition version of my article on SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE, a highly anticipated SyFy/Asylum-produced sequel to their hugely successful mockbuster SHARKNADO. Now with the 3rd installment of the series SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL no! recently premiered on the SyFy channel, I thought I’d continue the tradition and live-tweet one for a special edition article as well. Do the awful CGI sharks once again give better performances than Tara Reid does? Will they still not give us an explanation to what actually causes a Sharknado? Should this film have titles CAMEO-NADO?  Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

Yep, it’s official. Every future SHARKNADO film has to now open with a James Bond 007 opening parody or GTFO

You know if Will Smith had starred in this, the film would have easily have been tilted SHARKNADO 3: AWW HELL NAHHH!

Try as you might Ian Ziering, but your character will never be as cool with a chainsaw than Bruce Campbell from the EVIL DEAD

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This film had a director?

Gratuitous cameo #1: R&B singer Ne-Yo

I’m confused by this opening. It’s like we begin 5 minutes after how it actually starts.

Nice to see Subway getting some product placement with that REALLY BIG sign in the background.

I swear Ian is wearing the EXACT same clothes that he wore in SHARKNADO 2.

Oh, boy. PETA isn’t going to like that there are shark-hating protesters in this film.

I like how Finn just happens to run pass EVERY major landmark in Washington on his way to the White House

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Gratuitous cameo #2: Bill Engvall

Oh, hi Bo Derek! I guess you had a lot of spare time on your hands to appear in this film, huh?

Gratuitous cameo #3: Anthony Weiner. Wait… Why is he here?

Gratuitous cameos #4, #5, #6, #7: Mark Cuban, Ann Coulter, Maria Menounos, Robert Klein.

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Geez, I think that there are more cameos in the first 5 minutes of this film than the other 2 films combined

Oh, wait. I spoke too soon. Gratuitous cameos #8 & #9; Lou Ferrigno and Jackie Collins. Man, they just keep popping up.

Gratuitous #10: Rick Fox. Yeah, I think that’s enough cameos for one day, film.

You know for a film that has sharks in a tornado, I find it very hard to believe that Ann Coulter would be the US Vice President

I don’t know who this actress that’s interviewing Finn is, so I’m going to assume that she’s a cameo too.

Mr. Benchley? Yeah, nice reference there, movie.

Nice to see Mark McGrath back again to reprise his role from the 2nd film. Even though it was only for 5 minutes.

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Finn is the 1st member of the Order of the Golden Chainsaw? Surely, Bruce Campbell should be the 1st honoree for that?

Say what you will about Ian Ziering, but you gotta admire him for really dedicating himself to this series.

No! A shark just ate Ne-Yo!

Yeah, I’m pretty sharks can’t do that much damage to monuments.

Yeah, Maria Menounos is enjoying being by a shark a little too much

Gratuitous cameo #16: Christopher Judge

Now everybody’s surfin’! Surfin’ USA!

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I like how the sharks just pop out of everywhere in every scene.

Mark Cuban: Action Star.

I like how Finn’s Golden Chainsaw trophy is an actual working chainsaw

Roland Emmerich eat your heart out!

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Oh, no. You’re not making a reference to the famous ‘Raising of the flag on Iwo Jima’ picture, are you?… Yes, you are.

This series has no shame whatsoever.

Wait a sec, hold on! You have Ann Coulter in your film and she doesn’t get eaten by a shark?! This is bullcrap!

Thunder Levin. Still the coolest name ever!

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Yep… Despite this being her third starring role in this series, Tara Reid still doesn’t know how to emote.

Gratuitous cameos #24, #25, #26 & #27: Matt Lauer, Savannah Guthrie, Kathie Lee Gifford and Horda Kotb

It’s like there’s a cameo every 5 seconds in this installment. It’s getting quite exhausting to keep up.

Oh, hi Chris Jericho!

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This film is like one big promotional tool for Universal Studios Orlando.

Michelle Bachman? I’m noticing a weird trend of Republican politicians/commentators in this film

Every time REAL HOUSEWIVES star Kim Richards is onscreen, she looks like she’s about to cry.

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Uh, oh. Ian Ziering has stumbled across the set of THE MIST.

Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane!

Uh, oh. How’s Finn going to get out of this one?

YES! Nova is back and she’s here to kick some arse!

Oh, hi Frankie Muniz! It’s been a while since we’ve seen you in anything

Why can’t Nova be the leading lady in this series? She’s far more likable and charismatic than April.

I like how this film tries to give a logical explanation to how the sharks can survive in a tornado lol

Wait, that’s Chris Kirkpatrick from N’Sync?! I didn’t even recognise him

Even though Frankie Muniz is nearly 30, he still looks like he’s 12 years old.

“There’s sharks in the pool!” Well, I can only see one…

Gratuitous cameo #36: Al Roker

You know despite all the costant warnings of a Sharknado coming, nobody at Universal Studios doesn’t seem that bothered by it.

I’m still really shocked that Ian Ziering is over 50 years old. He doesn’t look it at all.

Gratuitous cameo #51: Lorenzo Lamas

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No! A shark just ate Frankie’s arm and leg!

Now they’ve eaten Frankie’s other leg! Now I’m having flashbacks to that infamous scene from JURASSIC WORLD!

OH! They ate his Frankie’s arm too! Somebody please put him out of his misery!

Why would the self-destruct button be on the top of the van instead of in it? It doesn’t make sense.

“It’s too late. We can’t save him” Yeah, because he just died like 10 seconds ago.

“Why does this keep happening?!” Money.

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NASCAR VS. SHARKS. There’s got to be a movie in there somewhere.

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Just like a Universal Studios, nobody at the Daytona 500 seems to bothered that they’re being attacked by a Sharknado

Ahh… When did you land a jet fighter before, Finn?

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Umm, what happened to Finn & Nova’s clothes? They couldn’t just have fallen off them when landed in that lake.

It makes me laugh every time Tara Reid tries to act.

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Gratuitous cameo #88: Jerry Springer

Yeah, I think it’s a bit too late to save Springer from that shark, Nova.

Gratuitous cameo #112: Jedward… Jedward? The Irish pop duo?

No! Not Claudia’s friend whose name I can’t remember! No!

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A shark roller-coaster… Now I’ve seen everything.

Coming soon to SyFy… SHARKCOASTER!!!

No! Not Chris Jericho! He’s character had so much to live for!

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Gratuitous cameo #374: George R.R. Martin. Wait… George R.R. Martin? THE George R.R. Martin?! WWWHHHAAATTT???!!! o_O

Not to brag or anything, but I’ve met George R.R. Martin. True story.

Hey, its that douchebag from that TMZ TV show. I hope gets eaten soo-Oh, wait. Never mind. He does. YES!

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Nice to see that April’s robot hand is finally being used for something.

Geez, April’s unborn baby has gone though a lot while all this madness is happening.

Seriously, April would have lost her baby at lest over a 1000 times after all the stuff that she’s been through so far in this film.

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It’s a bit of a miss opportunity that you have Bo Derek in this film and the filmmakers didn’t make a ORCA reference

Gratuitous cameos #789, #791 & 792: Penn & Teller and Kendra Wilkinson

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Yep, even when he’s playing a character other than himself, Teller still doesn’t talk.

YES! The film has just gotten even better. Why? David Hasselhoff has arrived as Finn’s Dad Gil! Yes, that is he’s name.

Also to not try and brag again, I also met the Hoff as well. True story.

Yes! Michael Winslow from POLICE ACADEMY has shown up! If he doesn’t do his trademark sound effects, I’m gonna be pissed.

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What?! Winslow only did one sound effect?! This is bullcrap!

Gratuitous cameo #843: Ray J. Or as he is also know as Brandy’s brother and Kim Karadasian’s sex tape partner.

Ahh, doesn’t Finn need to do at lest 6-12 months of training before he can be shot into space?

“I’m just going to tell you, you’ll be a great father *this* time” Geez, what a way to rub salt into Fin’s wound, Nova.

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Geez, there’s a lot of relationship drama in this installment

Death by mascara! 

So… Does Claudia’s love interest actually do anything in this film? He seems like a pretty useless character.

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Aww… Claudia and her love interest finally. Surely nothing can go wro-OH, MY GOSH! THE SHARKS ATE HER BOYFRIEND!

Quick! Randomly press buttons and point a screens!

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that it’s dangerous to go to space if you are pregnant

Those are worse looking space suits I’ve ever seen.

You know what would be hilarious? SHARKNADO 3 was happeing at the same time as the Sandra Bullock film GRAVITY.

“Sad Theme” from SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO!

Yeah, Anthony Wiener is getting to much screen-time in this film.

I know that laser that they just fired is destroying the Sharknado, but wouldn’t it be killing civilians in the process as well?

Sharks… In… SPACE!!!

I don’t know how sharks can survive in outer space but whatever.

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Finn just pulled out a light-saber chainsaw… I don’t if this greatest or worse thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Tara Reid just got eaten by a shark… Praise the Lord!

Finn just dived into a shark’s month… Again.

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Mmmm… Grilled shark *Drools*

Wait? Tara Reid is still alive?! NNNNOOO!!!

SHE’S CHAINSAWING HERSELF OUT OF A SHARK!!!

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A  baby just popped out of the shark? No… You’re not going there are you, movie?!

April gave birth inside a shark?! THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!!

Fin just pulled his April and his newborn son out of a shark’s stomach?! I can’t believe I’m seeing this! OH MY GGGOOODDD!!!

Well, it’s nice to see that the fake baby from AMERICAN SNIPER is still getting work.

Just like a boss, the Hoff salutes his son from the moon. Yeah, I’m not making any of this up.

Holy crap! A piece of the spaceship is falling towards April and she’s-wait.. Fade to black?! We want to know what happened!

You mean I have wait until SHARKNADO 4 to know what happened to April?! This is bullcrap! Bullcrap I tell you! AAAHHH!!!

However I will forgive them if they cast the “Left Shark” in the 4th film! 

 I hope everyone enjoyed reading this very special edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out sometime in August for my official 27th edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon which I could be doing on either GYMKATA, PLANE 9 OUTER SPACE or WILD WILD WEST. Vote in our latest here to see which bad film you would like to watch and live-tweet next!

– Bede Jermyn

 

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