Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #25: Gigli

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 25th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… GIGLI! Will I figure out why this consists of only monlogues? Was this film really the low point of both Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez’s careers? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I’ve said this many times before and I’m going to say it again: is it too late for me not to watch this abomination of a film?

Why does the music in this film sound like it’s a early 90s TV sitcom?

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Don’t get me wrong I like Ben Affleck as much as the next person but man, I really want to punch his character here in the face

Poor Martin Brest. After making great films like BEVERLY HILLS COP and MIDNIGHT RUN, he goes on to write & direct this piece of crap.

Geez, I’m not even 10 minutes into this film and I’m dying from boredom.

Justin Bartha leaves no cliché unturned for his performance as a mentally handicap person. He makes Sean Penn in I AM SAM look subtle

Where’s the security in this hospital? I’m sure it wouldn’t be easy for Affleck to take Bartha out of there without being noticed

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Oh, geez. Affleck is trying to make Bartha believe the flashlight he’s talking into is a phone. This is just seriously insulting.

Oh, great. Jennifer Lopez has finally showed up. Just when I think this film couldn’t get any more worse than it is.

The flirting between Affleck and J.Lo is just so… Awkward. It’s pretty unconformable.

Affleck’s hairdo in this film looks really weird. It looks like a plastic hair wig on his head.

Wait a second. If this film is set in Los Angeles, why does everybody have a New Jersey accent?

Yeah, I’m sorry, Gigli. If you have to keep telling people that you’re an authentic true blue gangster, you’re definitely not a gangster

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Geez, Gigli is such an unlikable character and we’re suppose to root for him? screw that! He’s a 100% certified douche-bag!

This film’s treatment of mentally disabled people is really troubling. I honestly have no idea what they are going for here.

Okay, why is Affleck talking about cows and bulls all of sudden?

I think Affleck is channeling Andrew Dice Clay for his performance in this film.

How can Gigli afford a lavish apartment like that? It looks like costs a mint.

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It’s pretty clear that this Affleck talking to the mirror scene was meant to be his ‘are you talking to me?’ scene from TAXI DRIVER

Unfortunately though as we are all aware, it didn’t quite work out in the end at all.

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The look of Affleck’s face after he finds out that J.Lo is a lesbian is pretty hilarious

Make sure you get that product placement in there, movie. Those Sony TVs aren’t gonna sell themselves, you know.

Geez, Gigli wears the ugliest T-shirts I’ve ever seen in a film

Okay, this film just got a little bit better. Why you ask? ‘Cause Christopher Walken just showed up! Why? I don’t know

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Ahhh… What the hell is Christopher Walken talking about? I honestly have no idea whatsoever.

Geez, nobody in this film simply speaks in dialogue in this film, they all speak in monologues instead.

For some bizarre reason, Christopher Walken is talking most about pies and alien abductions in this scene. At lest I think he is.

Wait, what?! Christopher Walken is only in this film just for that scene?! What a ripoff!

Also speaking of which, what was the purpose of Walken’s character anyway? He just seemed rather pointless.

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Oh, great. Affleck is talking into that flashlight again.

Ahh, why is J.Lo going into a monologue about gouging out someone’s eyeballs?

Gigli is probably the most clichéd gangster I have seen in a film. He’s basically a parody of one.

“Tell me, Larry. What is it that you’re sad about?” Well, I’m in this film for starters”.

Yep, just what the world needed to see: a middle-aged woman getting a needle in her butt while she’s wearing a g-string, which takes up the whole frame.

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Ahhh, Gigli’s Mum. I’m pretty sure you could have injected that needle into yourself rather than getting your son to do it.

These are some of the most awkward conversations I’ve ever seen in a film.

Why is Bartha’s character calling a weather station in Australia? Nothing in this film makes any sense.

Did the composer of this film only write two pieces of music for this film? ‘Cause they just keep using the same score over and over again

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Oh, dear God. More monologues. I suppose it’s been almost 5 minutes since this film has had one.

Now J.Lo is doing a monologue about vaginas and oral sex while at the same time, doing some yoga exercises. This is just bizarre.

Also I swear, this monologue has been going on for at lest 20 minutes. It just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on…

I don’t know why Affleck is reading a toilet paper roll to Bartha. I just honestly don’t know.

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I don’t know why this dance that Bartha is doing never caught on in pop culture. It could have easily have been the next macarena

Uh, oh. J.Lo’s girlfriend just showed up. Things are about to get really awkward.

Holy crap! J.Lo’s girlfriend just slashed her wrists in front of everyone! This film has a taken to turn to the serious o_O

Wait… Did Bartha say that his penis just sneezed?! His penis just sneezed?! WHAT ON EARTH AM I WATCHING?!

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Okay, now Affleck and co. are at the morgue to get a severed film. Yeah, you heard that right.

Affleck is using a plastic knife to cut off a dead person’s finger. I repeat he’s using a PLASTIC KNIFE to cut off a finger!

Also Bartha is rapping Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” song while Affleck is doing this. I’M NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP!!!

How much hair gel is in Affleck’s hair? I think he must have used an entire tub in on it.

I’m just going to come out and say it: I think the script for this film was actually written by Tommy Wiseau from THE ROOM 

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Yeah… I think that it is pretty impossible to actually go down to post office and send off a severed thumb in the mail

How is it possible that Affleck keeps type-cast as guy who falls in love with a lesbian. It seems to happen to him a lot.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez have the chemistry of oil and water in this film. #Gigli

Listen, J.Lo. If you want someone to perform oral sex on you, please I don’t say, “It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble”. It’s disturbing

Also if I read a script that had a line like “It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble” in it, I probably would not sign on to do it.

Well… That sex scene was pretty awkward.

“God bless you, penis” Did Affleck just say that? OH DEAR JUST STOP THIS MADNESS! AHHHH!

I swear Affleck’s hairdo in this film gets bigger and bigger as the film goes on.

This score does not suit the film at all.

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Oh, no. Al Pacino?! What the hell are doing here?! Who blackmailed you to be in this piece of crap?!

Ahhh… Why is Pacino doing a very long monologue about thumbs?

I swear this film has the most monologues about the random pointless stuff I’ve ever heard in a film.

Pacino just shot someone in the head. Why? Just like everything else in this film, I don’t know.

Pacino, I know that the director of this film helped you to finally win an Oscar but you didn’t have to say thank you by starring in…*this*!!!

Oh, man. There’s an 30 minutes left of this film. IT JUST DOESN’T END!!!

Oh, geez. J.Lo is doing another monologue. Again.

I swear every actor in this film must have only signed on to it so they can do a lot of very long monologues.

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See ya Al Pacino! I hope you were paid well for this cameo!

Oh, geez. Bartha is rapping again.

Thank goodness Ben Affleck was able to rebound his career after this film. ‘Cause he’s pretty awful here.

Man, the score in this film is awful.

Geez, Affleck has finally taken Bartha’s character to ‘the Baywatch’. Who didn’t see this ending coming?

I know you’re trying to make Gigli sympathetic here, Affleck. But I’m sorry, it still doesn’t change that he is a douche-bag

lol It’s pretty hilarious seeing Affleck trying to emote.

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Awww… What a sweet touching moment… I think I’m going to be sick… *vomit*

Yeah, I’m pretty sure in real life, Bartha’s character cannot simply just walk onto a film set without being noticed by security

Especially for the fact he’s wearing winter clothes when everybody else on the set is just in beach gear.

Oh, man. The woman who Bartha’s character has been paired up with has the one of the worst Aussie accents I’ve ever heard.

OMG J.Lo has come back for Affleck! They were meant to be together! *vomit*

The film’s ends with Affleck & J.Lo driving off into the sunset… SO THAT THEY CAN GET AWAY FROM THIS ABOMINATION OF A FILM!!!

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 25th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late July for my 26th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: HOUSE OF THE DEAD, THE LAST AIRBENDER and MIGHT MORPHIN’ POWER RANGERS: THE MOVIE. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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