Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #88: On Deadly Ground

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the 88th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Apologies for this edition being late. As you already know last month here on, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 88th installment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… ON DEADLY GROUND! Outside of his straight-to-DVD ones, is this the worst theatrical Steven Seagal action film? Who’s idea was it to let Steven Seagal direct a film? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this a billion times before, but I’m going to say it again… Is it too late for to *not* watch this film? #OnDeadlyGround

So… Warner Bros. gave action star Steven Seagal a lot of money to direct his own film? Why do I get the feeling that they regret immediately after they see it. #OnDeadlyGround

Man, I’m getting Tommy Wiseau and Tyler Perry flashbacks right now. The amount of times Seagal’s name has popped in the first 10 minutes alone puts those two guys to shame. All that ego. #OnDeadlyGround

I know I say this a lot, but how can so many talented people be involved with a film like this? I think the answer is pretty simple… #OnDeadlyGround

The film has only just started and there are some people putting out a fire. It’s a visual metaphors about how much of a trash-fire this film is. #OnDeadlyGround

Seagal has arrived and what the hell is he wearing? Sorry but that jacket just looks way too silly on him. #OnDeadlyGround

“What’s cooking?” DUDE! Seagal, the oil refinery you run and your worker’s lives are at stake. Stop cracking jokes and have some compassion, man. #OnDeadlyGround

Oh, Michael Caine! I guess the reason why you’re here is that some more JAWS: THE REVENGE style paycheque to buy another house, huh? #OnDeadlyGround

Really, Seagal? You’re character’s name in this film is Forrest Taft? That might the worst name for a character in a action film ever. #OnDeadlyGround

“You use to be a good man, Forrest. Now you’re nothing but a whore.” Well, I think that might be true because with t he amount of crappy z-grade DTV films that Seagal made over the pass 20 years, it’s clear that he’ll do anything for money. #OnDeadlyGround

Worst action-star-walking-away-or-standing-in-front-of-an-explosion shot ever. #OnDeadlyGround

I like how when Michael Caine does an American accent in a film, it still sounds British. #OnDeadlyGround

Mike Starr who played Joe in DUMB AND DUMBER is in this bar scene if you thought he’s character in that was an arsehole, the one he plays in this film is much worst. #OnDeadlyGround

You know what? If this film were set, Mike Starr’s character would totally be a Trump fanatic. Mark my words. #OnDeadlyGround

Okay, here comes how first fight scene of the film. Steven Seagal vs. Mike Starr. The fight of the century and one we’ve all been waiting to see. #OnDeadlyGround

Sure Richard Hamilton is fine as Forrest’s friend Hugh but let’s be honest, this character would be way better if the recently late great Wilford Brimley would played the role. #OnDeadlyGround

So… Where’s security in this bar? I’m pretty sure that Mike Starr would have been kicked out for harassing people and this fight scene would have been stopped by now. #OnDeadlyGround

Oh, man. The random things that voices actors say as the patrons in this scene is hilarious. #OnDeadlyGround

So… Seagal and Mike Starr’s fight is pretty much a schoolyard slapping game?… Okay… #OnDeadlyGround

Well, for someone who has done a lot of action scenes prior to making this film, you would know how to craft a action set scene himself but nope! #OnDeadlyGround

“What does it take, to change the essence of a man?” The film has gone all philosophical of us all of a sudden. Why do I get the feeling that’s going to happen a lot in this film? #OnDeadlyGround

“If you have a great ideas, leave them to your fuckin’ self”. Why do I get the feeling that Caine said a lot to Seagal whenever he was trying to direct him. #OnDeadlyGround

Man, this film is really going out of its way to make us really hate his character. We get it! He’s the villain! You don’t have to try so hard. #OnDeadlyGround

Yeah… I love Michael Caine, but should never attempt to do an American accent. It just sounds weird. #OnDeadlyGround

Okay, that’s not oil refinery, that’s a top secret base of a super villain. #OnDeadlyGround

What?! Forrest has just realised that Hugh right and the company he works is sabotaging the refinery?! #OnDeadlyGround

Say what you will about this film, John C. McGinley is the best part of this whole film. #OnDeadlyGround

‘90s computers. Got to love them. #OnDeadlyGround

Ahhh… Did McGinley just say that there’s no I in team and then proceeds to spell out the word to Hugh?… What?! #OnDeadlyGround

Okay… Hugh’s torture scene is… A little too overwrought… To say the least. #OnDeadlyGround

Oh, hi, Joan Chen! You being in a film is always a highlight too. #OnDeadlyGround

Why the hell kind of jumper is Seagal wearing now? Seriously, his fashion sense in this film is hilarious. #OnDeadlyGround

Oh, no! Caine is about to double cross Seagal! Who didn’t see that coming?! Seriously, who didn’t? #OnDeadlyGround

OMG!!! Seagal’s stuntman being flown into the air from that explosion was bloody hilarious! #OnDeadlyGround

Once again, the background voice actors are the unsung heroes of this film. #OnDeadlyGround

Now I don’t want to make any assumptions, but I’m pretty sure Joan Chen isn’t an Indigenous Alaskan person. #OnDeadlyGround

Yeah, these scenes with Forrest recovering at this Indigenous Alaskan village definitely isn’t stereotypical at all. #OnDeadlyGround

Once again, Seagal’s clothes just looks silly in the clothes he is wearing. #OnDeadlyGround

I have a feeling most of the budget for this film went to both Seagal’s wardrobe and hair. #OnDeadlyGround

I know that Seagal was trying to do right by the Indigenous Alaskan people with this film, but he didn’t have to descent into so many stereotypes though. #OnDeadlyGround

Ummm… Did Seagal just fight a bear in this vision quest? #OnDeadlyGround

I have absolutely have no idea what’s going on in this vision quest that Seagal is having right now. #OnDeadlyGround

You knows what’s funny? We’re not even at the hour mark yet and these has only been one action scene in this film. #OnDeadlyGround

OMG! Seagal coming out of the water in slow-motion was unintentionally hilarious! #OnDeadlyGround

Oh, no! John C. McGinley just shot the Chief! That bastard! #OnDeadlyGround

Hmmm… Again I don’t want to make any assumptions, I think this film might be trying to have a environmental message in it. #OnDeadlyGround

I don’t know why the Gods of this tribe want Seagal to be their saviour but whatever. #OnDeadlyGround

I like how McGinley scolded by Caine for messing up a the time. He definitely is the worst henchman ever. #OnDeadlyGround

Geez, I didn’t realise Hugh’s place was so close to where the tribe was. That’s convenient. #OnDeadlyGround

Finally an hour in, we have our second action set piece. #OnDeadlyGround

I like Forrest despite being a fire-expert for oil refineries, he knows how to do martial arts. It’s barely even explained. #OnDeadlyGround

Caine has decided to hire mercenaries to take out Seagal. I have a feeling they’re going to be pretty useless. #OnDeadlyGround

Oh, R. Lee Ermey and Billy Bob Thornton! Guess you guys needed money too, huh? #OnDeadlyGround

Okay, this long monologue that Seagal is giving to Joan Chen is makes him out to look like an arsehole now. #OnDeadlyGround

The amount of mumbling that Seagal does in this film would make Tom Hardy green with envy. #OnDeadlyGround

So… Seagal is actual a former CIA operative this whole time? #OnDeadlyGround

You know these mercenaries might as well just pack up and go home. They’re all going to be dead soon, so why even bother. #OnDeadlyGround

Once again, Seagal is wearing another ridiculous looking jacket in this film. #OnDeadlyGround

Seagal is setting traps for the mercenaries around the forest. So it’s like HOME ALONE… but outside. #OnDeadlyGround

Well… That escalated quickly. #OnDeadlyGround

I’m surprised how overly violent and bloody this film is. Then again, that’s what made Seagal action films different from all the other action stars in the ‘90s. #OnDeadlyGround

Oh, geez. This scene where Seagal and Chen jumped over the gorge on their horses was so bad lol! #OnDeadlyGround

Yeah… I’m pretty sure putting a plastic bottle over a gun barrel is not going to make it into a silencer, Seagal. #OnDeadlyGround

Yeah, I’m sorry. I can’t take Seagal seriously as an action star when he is wearing these weird jackets in these action scenes. #OnDeadlyGround

Michael Caine is hamming it up and chewing the scenery so much in this film. #OnDeadlyGround

I like how it’s pretty obvious that Caine’s hair and eyebrows are dyed completely black. It doesn’t look natural at all. #OnDeadlyGround

Okay, R. Lee Ermey. Your monologue on how bad arse of guy Forrest Taft sounds like massive case of stroking Seagal’s ego now. #OnDeadlyGround

Death by helicopter propeller. The best kind of death in a action film. #OnDeadlyGround

Okay. I know that Caine’s assistant wasn’t a good person, she was a truly evil person compared to everyone else and her accidentally death scene is a bit mean spirited. #OnDeadlyGround

Why do I get the feeling that Billy Bob Thornton improvised all of his dialogue on this film? #OnDeadlyGround

My God these people. Why would they carry guns around where there is so much oil around everywhere? #OnDeadlyGround

Okay, I’ll give them these henchmen credit for realising that idea is and now they’re using knives. #OnDeadlyGround

It really has to say something when an episode of CAPTAIN PLANET AND THE PLANETEERS had a much more subtlety with its environmental message than this film does. #OnDeadlyGround

Well… That was a very underwhelming villain death for Michael Caine. #OnDeadlyGround


Meanwhile over at townhall… #OnDeadlyGround

Okay, here we go. The film’s infamous scene. Seagal’s 7 minute long diatribe about the environment and what we can do to save it. #OnDeadlyGround

Would you believe me if I told you that Seagal’s speech in this scene was originally 40 minutes long. Yes, that’s right. 40. Minutes. Long. But after bad test screenings, they cut the scene down to 7 minutes. Thank God for that. #OnDeadlyGround

Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% for helping and protecting the environment. It’s even more of an important cause now more than ever. However Seagal sounds more conspiracy theory than anything else. #OnDeadlyGround

Well, that’s the end of the film. I give credit to Seagal to making an action film with an important message, but yeah… this was pretty dull. On the plus, it’s better than the STV crap he has been making the pass 18 years. So there’s that I guess. #OnDeadlyGround

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 88th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late October for my special Halloween themed 89th edition, which could one of the following three bad horror films: ALONE IN THE DARK, BOO 2! A MADEA HALLOWEEN or SHOCKER. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on soon!

Article Written by Bede Jermyn


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