Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #83: Toys

Hey, everyone! Welcome to my 83rd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Apologies for the lateness of this latest edition of the column once again. Apologies for slight lateness of this edition. As you already know back in February here on, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 83rd installment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… TOYS. Is this one of the most filmmaker bizarre passion projects to ever come out of Hollywood? Can the late great Robin Williams help make this mess somewhat watchable? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times before, but I’m going to say it again: is it too late for me to *not* watch this film? #Toys

Omg! This film begins with giant kaiju ballsy dancers destroying New York! #Toys

Oh, wait. It’s just an stage set for a school production. That’s… Disappointing. #Toys

Wait a minutes. If this school production is Christmas themed, does that make TOYS a Christmas film? #Toys

So many talent people working both in front and behind the scenes on this… film. Sigh. #Toys

Yeah… I’m pretty sure Santa Claus doesn’t fly around in a plane, makers of the Christmas show. #Toys

Michale Gambon as an American military general? Oddest casting ever? I think, yes. #Toys

I like how the great Donald O’Conner is playing Michael Gambon’s uncle even though they look the exact same age. #Toys

So… The spinning hat that’s on top of Donald O’Conner’s head is the only that’s keeping alive? What? #Toys

Say what you will about this film, but the production design in it is pretty fantastic. #Toys

Robin Williams has shown up. *Sigh*… I miss him so much. Films haven’t been the same without him. #Toys

I like how Robin Williams & Joan Cusack are driving to their father’s funeral in a dodgem car. #Toys

Wait… Are the workers at the toy factory dancing to Tori Amos?! #Toys

Omg! Yeardley Smith a.k.a. Lisa Simpson is in this film! #Toys

Hmmm… Why do I get the feeling that Michael Gambon is going to be the villain of this film? #Toys

Robin William is smoking! I mean that literally! #Toys

I miss Robin Williams’ comic improv! Whenever he did it, they always made any scene better. #Toys

I like Michael Gambon that even though he is putting on a American accent, he still sounds British lol. #Toys

Hmm… A military general with daddy issues has been given the role of being the CEO of a toy company? #Toys

It’s weird that all the marketing makes it out that Robin Williams is the main focus of this film, but it’s Michael Gambon who’s the actually made character of this film. #Toys

Holy shit! LL Cool J was hiding out in camouflage as the couch throughout the whole scene?! #Toys

Michael Gambon and LL Cool J as father & son. Such a bizarre casting choice. #Toys

“Dad, didn’t like the idea of war toys. He thought war was the domain of the small penis.” ACCURATE. #Toys

I find it really weird that even though this that’s centred around a toy company, it’s a film that was made for adults. Not kids. #Toys

There’s Tori Amos on the soundtrack again. Not that I’m complaining or anything. #Toys

Oh, hi Robin Wright! #Toys

I love the hat that LL Cool J is wearing in his head right now. In fact, I want it. #Toys

Robin Williams is improving again… I love it. #Toys

Did… Did Robin Wright just let a dolphin sound? #Toys

LL Cool J is complaining that the food on his is touching each other. Basically he really wants his food to social distance right now. #Toys

Robin Williams is having way to much fun in this film. #Toys

Bagpipes are playing over the score. That’s a weird creative decision, but okay. #Toys

Joan Cusack’s character is so weird in this film. I can live with that. #Toys

Oh, man. The visual design of this arcade looks like it came out of a Nicholas Winding Refn film. #Toys

I never thought I’d ever see Michael Gambon play arcade games but here we are. #Toys

This VR scene would have been even better if Job from THE LAWNMOWER MAN was in it. #Toys

It has to say something when Michael Gambon has way more screen time in this film than Robin Williams does. #Toys

I’ve seen a lot of director’s passion projects in my time, but this may be one of the most bizarre ones that’s ever been made. #Toys

Well… The sight of seeing a toy plastic baby getting its limbs stretched is pretty disturbing. #Toys

I like how imaginative the production of this film is. Regardless of the quality of it itself, it makes TOYS look unique. #Toys

Well… this meeting about toy vomit is… Interesting. #Toys

This romance subplot between Robin Williams and Robin Wright (Two Robins in this film?!) is actually kind of cute. #Toys

Michael Gambon’s new military uniform is very brightly colourful. #Toys

Wait… Robin Williams & Joan Cusack are using a huge screen that’s camouflaging themselves coming a corridor… OMG! This is exactly the same as that scene fro MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE: GHOST PROTOCOL! That film ripped this scene off! Mind blown! #Toys

Umm… What is going on? #Toys

Holy crap! Jamie Foxx is in this film, too! #Toys

So… Robin Williams falls into a water pit, gets attacks by a underwater monster in it and somehow made out of it without any explanation… WHAT?! #Toys

Oh, hi Blade from THE PUPPETMASTER series. #Toys

Ummm… How on earth can’t Robin William & Robin Wright not hear that toy walking around the room? It’s pretty bloody loud. #Toys

Seriously, all this tricks that LL Cool J does to camouflage himself throughout this film are making head spin with how crazy some of them are. #Toys

I always forget how some weird some films from the ‘90s were. This one in particular even more so. #Toys

Michael Gambon is lip syncing to opera music. Somehow this it least bizarre scene in the entire film. #Toys

Now he’s chasing around a fly and shooting at it. Again, this is the least bizarre things that has happened so far. #Toys

Now he shot himself in the foot. Again… #Toys

Oh, hi, Debi Mazar! #Toys

Uh, oh. LL Cool J has just found out what happened to his mother and that his dad has been lying to him this entire time. This is going to get good now. #Toys

I was thinking that this film would be better if giant robots were in it, so I give this film respect for giving us that. #Toys

So LL Cool J finds out that his father lied about his mother’s death, so I he just goes tells Robin and co. all the evil plans that his dad is up to. Granted we knew it was going to happen, but it just happens so quickly here. #Toys

Look out, everyone! That toy baby’s bottle is packing some serious heat! #Toys

LL Cool J is being stalked by a beach ball and toy windup doll. Are we sure that Barry Levinson isn’t just making his own version of THE PUPPETMASTER films? #Toys

Hans Zimmer’s score in this film is so bizarre. #Toys

*Sigh*… I can seat and listen to Robin Williams improv all day. #Toys

I don’t know how much damage these old toys are going to do those war toys, but whatever. #Toys

This toy war scene would be way better if they kept the camera still and not have some parts of it in slow motion. #Toys

Ummm… What’s going on right now?! #Toys

Man, there so much destruction and explosions going on right now, it would make Michael Bay green with envy. #Toys

So… Much… Shaky… Cam… #Toys

I like how one of the only toys left standing, is one of a couple dancing. #Toys

Ahhh… What the hell is that?! #Toys

“Leslie, everyone is okay and nobody died!” Spoke too soon… #Toys

Joan Cusack just blew up and… WAIT A MINUTE! HOLD THE PHONE! Joan Cusack was a robot this entire time?! WTF!!! That doesn’t make any sense!!! #Toys

Well, Michael Gambon just blew up too. I think?… Nope, he’s alive in the next scene. In a hospital bed of course. #Toys

You know what’s funny? If Robin Williams dumb arse dad left the toy company to him instead of his cousin Michael Gambon, none of this would never have happened. #Toys

This ending was pretty odd. I suppose at least it’s consistent with the rest of the film. #Toys

Well, that’s the end of the film. While I don’t think it’s good by any means, I’ll give credit for being unique weird that’s for sure. #Toys

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 83rd edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out later in May for my 84th edition, which be a very special edition of the article. Why’s that you ask? Because the next edition will mark the 7th anniversary of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon column. If you have been following this column over the pass few years, you already know that I like to celebrate this special occasion by instead of asking you readers to decide which bad film I should watch and live-tweet for the column, I would pick the film for it myself. So which bad film have I chosen for the 84th/7th anniversary edition of the column? I’m going to be doing it on the 2001 critically reviled but divisive cult comedy FREDDY GOT FINGERED. Keep a look out for it here on in late May!

Article written by Bede Jermyn


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