Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #65: Sleepwalkers

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 65th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know a few weeks ago here on SuperMarcey.com, I said that this edition was going to be a special horror themed one in honour of Halloween this month. I posted up poll with three bad horror movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this horror themed 65th instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… SLEEPWALKERS! Is this without a doubt the most bat shit insane thing that Stephen King has ever written? Does the plot of this film make any lick of sense at all? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times before but I’m going to say it again: is it too late for me to not watch this film?

Dear, Stephen King. If you’re going to have to opening crawl that describes what the Sleepwalker creatures are in this film, please have it make sense. The film hasn’t even started yet and I’m already confused.

Speaking of which, why are the creatures in this film called Sleepwalkers again? The name doesn’t really fit for the type of creatures that they are.

Oh, hi Mark Hamil! I’m not sure what cameoing here but it still gets the thumbs up for me!

Ahhh… Is that song by Enya playing in the background?

Oh, geez. That’s a lot of pussies hanging around.

I must warn all of you: there’s going to a lot, and I mean A LOT of bad cat related jokes/puns throughout this live tweeting. So brace yourselves.

Of course if you’re going to have a horror film that’s got a lot of cats in it, you know for a fact there’s going to be cat jump scare featured at some point through this film.

Wow! Spoke too soon. We just had our first one and I can’t believe the film even went there to begin with.

See ya, Mark Hamill! Don’t worry you’ll get better film roles in a few decades time with the new STAR WARS films.

Oh, man. These opening credits features cats throughout history is giving flashbacks to CATWOMAN.

Hey, Brian Krause! Stop cutting yourself! Stop cutting yourself!

Holy shit! That cat just got caught in the trap! I don’t know how they did that, but that’s terrifying 😬

Well, isn’t this nice. This loving couple dancing and kissing and… Wait… They’re actually mother and son?! OH MY GOD!! NOOOO!!! 🤢🤮

Wait, they’ve gone into the room to have sex?! THIS IS SICK!!! 🤮🤮🤮🤮

Ahh… Why did their bedroom just light up in purple? On second thought, I don’t want to know…

*Sigh*… Hello, Madchen Amick… *Re-ow* 

It’s nice to see that Stephen King and director Mick Garris accurately portray what all high school girls where doing in the ‘90s: dancing around listening to ‘50s/‘60s pop music.

Well, there’s that Enya song again. They have paid a lot of money to gave this song play a few times throughout the film.

“Don’t swear, Mother” Please don’t call her Mother. I’m disturbed enough as it is.

Ahh… Why Brian Krause is sharing a story of what “Sleepwalkers” are to the class? Also why is this class in the library of all places? 🤔

Yeah… I know he was 23 at the time of filming but Brian Krause is looks way too old to pass himself off as high school student.

Don’t get in that car, Tanya! You’re husband Leo won’t be happy if he finds out.

Why is Tanya’s underwear just randomly all over the room for? It’s not that hard to put them away.

Holy crap! Tanya’s parents are the same actors who played Ferris Bueller’s parents in FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF.

Uh, oh. Charles’s teacher Mr. Fallows is trying to blackmail him into having sex with him. Oh, he had to idea what’s coming.

Geez, this is dull. I wish something bat shit insane would happen and… HOLY CRAP! It has! About time too!

I like how every time Charles turns into his Sleepwalker form, he basically turns into Freddy Kruger with all the puns he does.

Ahhh… Why does this cop have a cat seating up front with him in his squad car?

Dumb kids. Why are you playing hop-scotch in the middle road during a highway pursuit for? Better yet why did that crossing let them? You should be fired.

Wait, Sleepwalkers can make their cars in invisible? Either that or Charles borrowed the invisible car from DIE ANOTHER DAY.

“What the fuck is that?” Also the same reaction that both audiences and the studio had after watching this film.

I was going to say that everyone was on drugs while they were making this film, it’s pretty clear that this insanity was produced by people who were under the influence of cat nip.

“Hey, Charles! What did the five fingers say to the face?”

Please, Charles. Stop caressing your mother like that. It’s freaking gross! 🤢

OH, NO! CHARLES AND HIS MOTHER ARE HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER! MY EYES HAVE BEEN SOILED!!!

Seriously, is there any particular storytelling reason why the Sleepwalkers are mother and son? Or why they have an incestuous relationship? Cause it really isn’t either way.

This scene where Tanya takes Charles would have been way better if it was at the Pet Sematary. Such a huge missed opportunity.

Wait, so Charles’s car can change into a different colour when he’s not even in it? This doesn’t make any sense. Than again, the whole film doesn’t.

Brian Krause definitely is perfect cast to play a cat like monster since he does kind of look like a cat.

I like how the film builds up to make you think that Charles is conflicted about killing Tanya ‘cause he is actually in love with her but nope! He actually does in fact want to kill her. Nice bit of going against audience expectations there.

I don’t know why anyone who want to make out in a cemetery but whatever.

Yeah, it’s pretty clear that Brian Krause based his performance on Freddy Kruger when he becomes his Sleepwalker self with all the amount of one liners and joke puns he does.

Oh, Officer Andy. You’re likeable cop and who’s totally going to die.

“COP KABOB!!!” My God. Someone who that line in a script and an Brian Krause was paid to say it. Amazing.

Look out, Charles! You’re being attacked by a pussy!

N’awww… That cat Clovis is sad that his owner Andy is dead. Now I’m all sad too! 😭

This film would be even better if every time someone says Charles in the film, it’s replaced by a sound bite of Ian McKellen saying ‘Charles’ from the X-MEN films.

Yeah… The Sleepwalker are what I like to call *multi-purpose powered monsters*. They just have whatever powers that is required by them for whatever scene they are in.

Oh, hi Stephen King! Nice to see you fill your gratuitous cameo quota in this film too.

Hey, Clive Barker and the late Tobe Hooper have cameos in this scene too.

You know what make this scene even better? If Dale Cooper from TWIN PEAKS was the assigned agent to this case.

Also another nice bit of against audience expectation: we think that Charles is going to be lead throughout the film but he spends the rest of the third act on the couch dying while his mother takes over as lead.

Oh, hi Ron Perlman!

Ahhh… How did that cop not see that trap? It’s a bit hard not to miss.

Hmmm… I wonder if Ron Perlman was cast in this film because the Sleepwalker make up kind of looks his make up from the time he played Beast on BEAUTY AND THE BEAST?

“I love you, honey… But I love your brother Ferris more.”

“Maybe it was just the wind” REALLY, MOVIE? YOU HAD USE THAT JOKE LINE SERIOUSLY IN THIS FILM? Ughhh…

I like how the Mother kills those two cops by bashing their heads together Three Stooges style.

Holy crap! Charles’s mother just threw Tanya’s mother out the window!

Well.. That deputy was useless.

Oh, hi John Landis and Joe Dante! I guess Mick Garris rope you guys to make a cameo in this film too, huh?

Okay, here it comes people. The famous and hilarious death in all of cinema… Being stabbed in the back by a piece of corn!

I don’t know how a piece of corn stab someone but who cares, it’s hilariously amazing.

Damn. That’s a lot of pussies roaming that street right now.

🎶 Memoooorriiiieeeess!… All alone in the moonlighhhhttttt!…. 🎶

See Ron Perlman. If you didn’t poke your fingers in Mother’s face, she wouldn’t have bitten them off. Dumb arse.

I don’t know how a cop car can just completely blow up after being hit by one bullet but whatever. I stopped trying to make sense of this film ages ago.

Man, Charles’s Mother just broke that pussy.

Yeah, I’m going to stop with all the cat puns now. They’re just too easy to do with this film lol. 

Ahhh… Did Mother’s red lipstick get brighter and brighter over the pass few minutes?

Damn, Charles. You’re not looking too good. You’re starting to look like Cropsy from THE BURNING.

Get ‘em, Clovis! Kill those monster cats!

I like how when the Sheriff shoots Mother in the stomach, the cat that was on her back gets hit by the bullet as well and goes flying behind her lol.

Also the Sheriff’s reaction to seeing Mother’s Sleepwalker form is relatable. If I saw someone turn into a monster right in front of me, I’d run for the hills too.

Oh, man. Now only did the Sheriff get flung into the air by Mother, once he lands he gets hand caught in the bear trap as well. Hilarious!

Death by the white picket fence. Something kind of poetic about that.

Scratched to death by 100 cats. Now I’ve seen everything.

I like how after being clawed by all those cats, Mother just randomly bursts into flames.

“YOU KILLED MY SON!” Lady, you’re literally on fire! I think you have pressing issues to deal with right now.

“Just you and me now, Clovis.” “After this whole experience with cat monsters, living in Twin Peaks wasn’t so bad after all.”

Alright, let’s play that Enya song one more time to show that this a *serious* movie.

Well, that’s the end of the film. Even though it isn’t a quality film by any means, you have to admire the bat shit insanity of it all. Or should I say… CAT shit insanity hehe… Oh, I apologise for that joke. I’ll leave now lol.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this special horror themed 65th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in November for my 66th edition, which could one of the following three bad films: BLACK KNIGHT, COLLATERAL BEAUTY or SUBURBAN COMMANDO. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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