Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #64: Crossroads

Hey, everyone! Welcome to my 64th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series! I have sincerely apologise once again for the lateness of this edition. I was going to have this on the site at the end of September as I originally planned but I was busy with both work and other stuff in my personal life, so I didn’t get the time to do it until now. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 64th instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… CROSSROADS! How does this compare to other similar films like GLITTER or FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY? Did singer Britney Spears really need own vanity film project to star in? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times before and I’m going to say it again, is it too late for me to *not* watch this film?

Remember when MTV also produce films? Those were the days…

Even though this was a vanity project for Britney Spears, it’s funny how there was a LOT of future talent in front and behind the camera: Zoe Saldana, Justin Long, Anton Mount, Taryn Manning and even major TV writer/producer Shondra Rimes write the script for this.

We’re not even two minutes in and we’ve already got a scene of Britney Spears dancing around and singing a Madonna song in her underwear. Clearly this scene in here just for teenage boys and as well as a sign that’s its down hill from here.

Oh, Dan Ackroyd. Will you ever stop appearing in my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon articles every 10 months or so?

I like how Britney is meant to the big nerd in high school despite the fact that she looks more like she would fit in with the popular girls.

What the hell is up with Justin Long’s tie? It’s just weird looking.

Geez… Gamora is so mean to Britney in this film.

I just find it very hard to believe that Dan Aykroyd would the father of Britney’s character. It’s casting that doesn’t make any sense.

“Look… I’m emoting”

It’s weird how in 2002 alone, Taryn Manning starred in two films that had a major music talent in the lead role (this film and 8 MILE with rapper Eminem) and she played a character who was pregnant in BOTH.

Oh, dear. Britney and Justin Long are going to have sex. At least attempt to.

Yeah, I’m sorry. Justin, if you’re going to have sex with someone for the first time, please don’t play “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye. It’s just makes things weird and awkward and cringe-worthy.

You know what? I can totally buy Britney and Justin playing characters who have never had sex. Their interactions feel very believable.

“How’s the fetus?” … What?! Who says that to a pregnant woman? Man, this dialogue.

Question: is a time capsule really a time capsule if it’s only been in the ground for 8 years? 🤔

“You’re going to California?” Wait for it… wait for it…

Wait… Zoe’s character is 18 years old, engaged, planning a wedding and her fiancé is in collage… My God… 😬

Oh, hi new Captain Pike! Oh, I mean Anson Mount.

My favourite BTS story about this film is that Anson Mount was auditioning for this film, he read his lines with… Wait for it… Robert De Niro, who played the Britney role.

Hmmm… I wonder why they chose an ‘NSync song for Britney to sing in this driving scene? Ah, huh. I see what you did there film.  

Oh, man. This motel room would be most suited in a David Lynch film than it would this one.

Nice of choice of music in this scene. Very, very subtle.

Alright, new game, everyone: take a shot every time Britney says ‘Y’all’ during this film. Guaranteed to be blind drink by the end of it.

I’m just going to come out and say it: Taryn Manning’s character Mimi is the best and most interesting one in this entire film. Plus she actually gives a decent performance as well.

Yeah… This is not how a karaoke event usually works. I should know. I’ve been to a few.

Of course Britney’s quiet and nerdy character would be the one who’s secretly a talented singer. Who didn’t see this coming?

You know if Joan Jett, who’s still very much alive, was actually dead, she would be spinning in her grave after hearing Britney’s tale on her classic song “I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll”.

Yeah… This dancing isn’t awkward at all.

Yep! Better make sure to get that product placement in there with that Pepsi can.

Brace yourselves, everyone. We’ve got some deep meaningful heart-to-heart conversations coming.

It’s funny despite how Britney and her friends have been up all night drinking and partying, they still look perfect the next day.

Wait… You have to drive through Texas to get to California? That doesn’t seem right. Oh, I almost forgot… 

I don’t know about anyone else, but I have a feeling that these random scenes where the characters are singing as they are driving, is just excuse to watch Britney sing.

Umm… Anson Mount’s massive tantrum that he is having right doesn’t make any sense. Than again, so does this film film.

Is just me or does every road trip film has to have a scene where the characters walk over to a cliff and pear over the setting sun? It seems like it.

Britney likes writing poems. Of course the one that she’s currently working is going to be turned into an actual song by the end of this film.

Uh, oh. Britney is going to meet her absentee Mum. This is not going to end well.

See unlike Dan Aykroyd, casting Kim Cattrall as Britney’s Mum actually makes casting sense since they actually do look alike.

Wow… We were going to have a hard hitting scene of why Britney’s Mum walked out on her and the filmmakers decided to skip entirely over it. Thanks, movie. Boo!

Kim Cattrall must have been paid a lot of money to come in to do this pointless 2 minute scene.

Sad theme from CROSSROADS.

It’s good that Anson Mount is also a musician so that he can turn Britney’s poem into a song. Not a coincidence at all.

“Not A Girl, Not A Woman”… Definitely not songwriter and talent singer in her own right Dido’a finest work that’s for sure. No wonder she gave it to Britney to sing for this film.

My God! Stop singing every damn song in the radio and get to California already!

Look! They’ve finally arrived to… Wait for it… Wait for it…

Remember how we use to wear those fisherman’s hats like Britney does on this film back during the late ‘90s-early ‘00s? We wear so young and naive with fashion back then.

Yeah… Zoe if you’re fiancé too busy to meet up with you while you’re in the same city, he definitely doesn’t want to see you. Just saying.

Ahh, Britney and Anson. If you’re going to have sex with each other, it might be a good idea to close that curtain.

Geez, it took Zoe and Taryn a while to get the college where Zoe’s fiancé is at, it’s already dark out and they were on their way there around midday.

Omg! Zoe’s fiancé was the one who got Taryn up the duff?! This is a twist that I did not see coming!

Oh, no! Taryn has falling down the stairs and has lost the baby! Well… This film has taken a completely serious and dark turn 😬

Why does Dan Aykroyd sound like Foghorn Leghorn when talks angrily?

So… much… emotions!

“I can’t believe this trip is over” “Doesn’t it feel like a million years ago?” Funny that’s how long feels like I have been watching this film.

Oscar nominated actor Dan Aykroyd, everyone.

It’s weird that we’ve had this very traumatic event with Taryn losing the baby and it’s completely forgotten about a few minutes later. It’s bizarre.

Yep, Britney’s character has finished and has become the singer she was meant to be… Britney Spears.

Okay, this final scene of Britney singer her song is just one long music video.

Well, that’s end of the film. I think that this Britney gif above pretty much sums the entire film as a whole.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 64th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late October for my special Halloween themed 65th edition, which could one of the following three bad horror films: THE BYE BYE MAN, FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V: A NEW BEGINNING or SLEEPWALKERS. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

 

 

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