Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #47: The Next Karate Kid

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 47th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. I’m so incredibility sorry for the lateness on this edition. I was hoping to have this one online either late April or early May but since this pass month has been hugely busy for me due both moving to a new place and work, I didn’t get a chance to do it until now. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad horror movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 47nd instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… THE NEXT KARATE KID! Did we honestly really need a fourth KARATE KID film? Was the crappiness of this film the main reason Hilary Swank decided to seek actual good movies? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said a million times before but I’m going to say again. Is it too late for me to *not* watch this film?

You know it doesn’t surprise me that this film starts off with funeral. This sequel was pretty much dead on arrival

Pat Morita: legendary bad arse

Directed by the father of Superman. Seriously, no joke. LOIS & CLARK star/Supeman himself Dean Cain’s father made this film.

Yeah… I don’t see the point of this funeral. It doesn’t really add that much to the story.

OMG we’re now in Boston. Brace yourselves: Boston accents are coming.

Oh, hi two time Academy Award winning actress Hilary Swank. I suppose you had to start somewhere before you started into better films.

Wow. That was a really forced and awkward exposition of the tragic backstory of Hilary’s character Julie.

Now I’m not a 100% certain just yet but I have a feeling Julie may be a trouble maker.

Wait… So the troubles that Julie gets up to in her spare time is… Looking after a injured hawk? I’m confused.

The cops have arrived. Yeah, they should totally arrest Julie for taking care of that hawk. That monster!

Geez, Julie is such a jerk to her grandmother. A reminder this is the hero of our story, people.

I’ve stated this before and I’ll say it again: Michael Ironside automatically makes any crappy film a little bit better.

Oh, man. I don’t who these guys are but I’m calling them the douchebag bro patrol. Seems like the perfect name for them.

Uh, oh. Love interest alert for Julie.

Ahhh… Mate.. I don’t think you should be just casually wander into the Woman’s toilets like that. You perv.

By the way I don’t know what Julie’s love interest’s name is, I’m just going to name him Love Interest for now.

OMG! A young Walton Goggins is in the film as one of the school douchebags!

Ahhhh… Yeah… I’m pretty in real life Michael Ironside would lose his job as teacher if he slapped a student.

Yep, Mr. Miyagi will always be best no matter what.

How is possible that Julie’s love interest looks like he is way too old to be in High School.

You know for a film that’s suppose to be set in Boston, there is barely a Bostonian accent in it so far.

“What are you doing next month?” Starring in a better film than THE NEXT KARATE KID?

Okay, we go. Here’s the gratuitous mention of the character of Daniel LaRusso from the first three KARATE KID films.

“Teach me? You can’t even speak English!” Now that was just rude and kind of racist, Julie!

OMG Julie almost got hit by a pizza car but she got out of the way by leaping onto the bonnet! It was hilarious!

“They left you more than photographs. They left you a legacy” … By starring in the worst KARATE KID film in the series.

“There’s no such thing as too much make up” I don’t know about that. Have you seen Kyle McLachlan in SHOWGIRLS? 

Oh, man. The ’90s fashion in this film is pretty hilarious.

Now we’ve got a random scene of Julie babysitting some brats. There just putting more padding on this film aren’t they?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure there are better things to use for earplugs than cotton wool balls, Mr. Miyagi.

Yeah, the Douchebag Bro Patrol are taking their roles as school hall monitors way too seriously.

Seriously, what the hell is the guy’s problem with Julie?! He’s a total psycho for no apparent reason at all.

Also why are the Douchbaf Bro Patrol hanging out in school after hours? It doesn’t make any sense at all.

Ahhh… Where the hell are Mr. Miyagi & Julie? They left Boston and seems like they wound up West Virginia or someplace.

Yeah… I’m sorry. For someone who’s meant to be a karate master, Miyagi isn’t that good at it at all. I know he’s old but still…

Wait… How did Julie & Mr. Miyagi managed to find a temple with Japanese monks in the U.S.? This doesn’t make any sense at all.

Oh, geez. That was a bit dangerous. Julie could have landed on that huge rock and killed herself, Mr. Miyagi.

I don’t know about anyone else but I’m pretty sure that Julie’s hair bangs are the real stars of this film.

Oh, geez. I hope that monk doesn’t eat that cockroach.

So who’s the most unlikable lead character in the KARATE KID films? Julie or Daniel?

Oh, Julie’s love interest is named Eric. Somehow that doesn’t really surprise me at all.

Oh, man. That slow motion shot of Julie running through that field was hilariously bad.

Ummm… Has Julie been wearing the exact same clothes since she’s been at the temple over the pass few days?

Wow… Who would thought that the monks were big fans of ’90s band The Cranberries.

Ahhhh… Why are the monks randomly dancing all of a sudden? Did David Lynch direct this scene?

You know I’m not liking the fact that legendary ‘wax on, wax off’ teaching method is barely used in this sequel.

like how after Julie kicks that punching bag, it literally explodes lol.

“This is the first time I’ll eat cake with chopsticks” I’m pretty sure you could just use your hands but whatever, Julie.

Ahhh… The monks just tried to murder Mr. Miyagi with a bow and arrow. I’m disturbed.

I like how this film resolves itself around a hawk.

I like how every time the hawk squarks, its month doesn’t even open lol.

Oh, Julie. If you can learn how to do karate, I’m pretty sure you can learn how to do the waltz.

You know this film would be a whole lot better if it was all just about Mr. Miyagi buying a dress for Julie’s upcoming prom for two hours.

Well, I didn’t realise that you can teach someone to waltz through the power of basic karate moves. The More You Know. 

Oh, geez, Julie. Way to open up old wounds from Mr. Miyagi’s past by mentioning he would have been a ‘great parent’

Nice to see those monks show up in Boston to watch Julie go to her prom.

Ahhh… Mr. Miyagi. Can you stop pointing that knife at Eric?

Daaaammmmnnnn Julie! Your prom dress is really something. Seriously that dress should be illegal ’cause it’s way too sexy

“That’s a nice dress” You’re telling me, Eric.

Bod Odenkirk? Seriously there’s a bowler that looks like him.

Monks going bowling. Now I’ve seen everything.

You know for a film called THE NEXT KARATE KID, there’s barely any karate in it.

Man, that gymnasium must be pretty big for the Douchebag Bro Patrol to do that bungee jumping.

I have feeling after leaving high school, the Douchebag Bro Patrol would grow up to be Men’s Rights Activists and Trump voters.

Seriously… What. Are. The. Douchebag. Bro. Patrol’s. F***ing. Problem. With. Julie. And. Eric?!!!

So the leader of the Douchebag Bro Patrol is named Ned? That’s not very intimidating at all.

Whoa!!! They blew up Eric’s car! Yeah, these guys are taking high school hall monitoring way too far!

Then again their teacher is Michael Ironside. So that pretty much explains EVERYTHING.

“Guys, this is embarrassing” Funny that’s what the audience said after watching this film.

You know I’m surprise that Mr. Miyagi didn’t teach Julie the crane move. That technique would have beaten them quickly.

Yeah Mr. Miyagi! Kick Michael Ironside’s arse!

Well, the only time karate is used in the film and it’s quite… Underwhelming.

Wait… That’s it?! The movie just ends?! Did they forget to shoot a proper ending?

Also is Julie’s grandmother back from her trip? ‘Cause we haven’t seen her since the beginning of the film.

It’s sad that a lot of people involved with this film are no longer alive: Pat Mortia, producer Jerry Weintraub, Hilary Swank’s career… 

Well, that’s the end of the film. There’s no doubt that this is without the worst and most pointless one in the whole series

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 47th edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Since I kept you reader waiting a little for this one, I will bring you next week a very special edition of the article. Why’s that you ask? ‘Cause May actually marks the 4th anniversary of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon column. So I thought that to celebrate this special occasion instead of asking you readers to pick which bad film I should watch and live-tweet, I would pick the film myself. So which bad film have I chosen for the 48th/4th anniversary edition of the article? I’m going to be doing it on Aussie director Alex Proyas’ 2016 film GODS OF EYGPT! Keep a look out for it here on SuperMarcey.com early next week!

– Bede Jermyn

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