The Super Network

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 37th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Sorry for the lateness of this one. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this installment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… BARB WIRE! Is this really one of the worst comic book films of all time? Was a good for Pamela Anderson to be the lead of her own action film? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times in the past, but is too late for me to *not* watch this film again? #BarbWire

The film is set in the dystopian world of… 2017? I suppose there’s a possibly that will happen if Donald Trump is elected as the U.S. President #BarbWire

Steel Harbour sounds like the name of a hair metal band from the ’80s would have. #BarbWire

You when the second the film is dated? Seeing Pamela Anderson being credited as “Pamela Anderson Lee” #BarbWire

Ladies and gentleman, the one reason why everyone came to see this film in the first place: seeing Pam play a stripper. #BarbWire

When I think of this film, I only think of two really big things. Yep, that’s right: Temuera Morrison and Udo Kier. Oh, yeah! #BarbWire

Enjoy this stripping scene while its lasts, everyone. It’s the only time that you see Pam naked in the whole film. #BarbWire

Booooooooobbbbbbbssssssssssss. #BarbWire

Poor Dark Horse Comics. They hard a pretty bad run in the ’90s with Hollywood’s big screen adaptions of their comics. #BarbWire

Geez, that’s a pretty big hair brush sticking out of that woman’s hair. #BarbWire

Barb’s boss kind of looks like a cross between Chazz Palminteri and Peter Lorre. #BarbWire

Well, what Barb did to her boss definitely gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘smoking kills’. #BarbWire

“Have you ever seen BATMAN?” Oh, please filmmakers. Don’t make a reference to a good comic book film in your crappy one. #BarbWire

Ahh, Pam. Why are you narrating to us everything that has happened in 2017 when another narrator already did that earlier in the film? #BarbWire

I like how Pam basically puts on a Batman voice through out this whole film. #BarbWire

Well… These scene with Steve Railsback is just… Bizarre. #BarbWire

Steve Railsback: the low-budget Ed Harris. #BarbWire

Oh, yeah! Termuera Morrison! He’s the best thing about this film. #BarbWire

Fun fact: I met and got a picture taken with Temuera Morrison a few years back at a convention. He was a pretty cool guy. #BarbWire

You know for a film that’s suppose to be set in 2017, everyone is still dressed up as if it was still the ’90s. #BarbWire

I think it’s scientifically proven that if Udo Kier shows up in a film, he make it a little bit more watchable. #BarbWire

I think that it was written in Pam’s contract that if she was going to appear in a film, her boobs have to be seen in every scene #BarbWire

Geez, that dude has a lot, and I mean A LOT, of porn magazines. #BarbWire

Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally discovered the true identity of the Gimp from PULP FICTION: it’s this weird guy! #BarbWire

I don’t know why one of the bad guys in this gun battle with Barb is dressed like a ’50s private eye. I just don’t know. #BarbWire

You know Barb, I’m pretty sure they’re a lot more worse things to be called in the world than ‘babe’. #BarbWire

Oh, geez. Clint Howard has shown up. Clearly his brother Ron wasn’t directing anything at the time this film was being made. #BarbWire

Cleavage, cleavage, cleavage. #BarbWire

Lots and lots of cleavage… I’m sorry but it’s a bit hard not too notice. #BarbWire

I swear Barb’s bar is the exact same one as Kano’s in MORTAL KOMBAT. #BarbWire

I have to say that Xander Berkeley has a pretty epic handle bar moustache in this film. #BarbWire

I think it’s pretty clear in this scene that Barb’s dog Camille definitely went to the Ramsay Bolton School of Dog Training #BarbWire

Why does Steve Railsback look like he dressed up as M. Bison from STREET FIGHTER in this scene? It’s weird #BarbWire

Speaking of which why is it that every dystopian set story, all the bad guys dress up Nazi-inspired uniforms? It’s not very subtle at all. #BarbWire

“Very interesting woman” “With most impressive assets” Hmmm… I wonder reference Xander was making with that line? #BarbWire

Temuera Morrisson: bad arse mofo. #BarbWire

“Who are we meeting?” “Somebody I use to know” Cue Goyte! #BarbWire

You know another reason why you can tell this film was made in the ’90s? Jack Noseworthy is in the cast. #BarbWire

Oh, and another reason why you can tell this film was made in the ’90s as well? Seattle is mentioned. A lot. #BarbWire

Booooooooobbbbbbbssssssssssss. #BarbWire

It’s pretty clear to me that the leader of resistance fighter group based her appearance on Jared Leto’s take on the Joker. #BarbWire

Again with the Nazi-inspired imaginary. Clearly this film isn’t being subtle about it. #BarbWire

I have to admit every time Jack Noseworthy is onscreen, I always expect the Bon Jovi song “Always” to play in the background. #BarbWire

Yeah, I can’t really buy Pam as soldier in this flashback scene. I really don’t at all. #BarbWire

You know it’s really shocking to me that some cast members from this film would go on the appear in Uwe Boll films *Shudders* #BarbWire

Wait, a minute. This film’s plot is about a former freedom fighter-turned-bar owner who’s former lover comes back to ask for their help… #BarbWire

… To get him and his wife escape to another country so that they can get away from a fascist group? #BarbWire

Oh, my God. No. No. No, you didn’t movie. You. Did. Not!!! This is the exact same plot as the classic film CASABLANCA!!! #BarbWire

I can’t believe the filmmakers behind this crappy film had the balls to rip off the plot to one of the greatest and most beloved films of all time. Seriously, wow. #BarbWire

I like that despite having a bubble bath, Barb still has a lot of thick make up on. #BarbWire

You know for someone who just caught her husband kissing Barb, Axel’s wife Cora isn’t upset by it at all. #BarbWire

Oh, okay. So Axel and Cora’s marriage is an cover. That makes sense. #BarbWire

Seriously, Steve Railsback is wearing the exact same uniform as M. Bison. Except that it’s all black. #BarbWire

So just because the retina scanner is broken, you’re just going to let Axel & Cora walk out without using backup scanner, Railsback? Dumb arse. #BarbWire

So the King of the Underworld is named Big Fatso and he gets carried around by a bulldozer? I don’t know how to react to this. #BarbWire

Oh, no. Barb’s blind brother Charlie just got caught in Railsback’s trap! I guess didn’t see that one coming. #BarbWire

Geez, Railsback is really torturing the crap out of Jack Noseworthy by electrocuting him. He would have been dead after that dose of it. #BarbWire

I think Udo Kier’s character would be even more awesome if he was playing the same role that he played in MELANCHOLIA. #BarbWire

Nooooo!!! They killed Charlie! He only had one day left until retirement dammit! #BarbWire

Okay, Barb is pissed. Now she’s about to bring out the big guns… No, I’m not talking about her boobs. #BarbWire

Geez, Barb’s got enough weapons to take out an entire country on her own. I bet John Matrix from COMMANDO was her mentor back in the day. #BarbWire

What?! Big Fatso betrayed Barb, Axel & Cora to the bad guys?! Wow. I did not see that coming. Yawn. #BarbWire

Yep, if there is one thing that CASABLANCA didn’t have but this one most definitely provides, is more shootouts and explosions #BarbWire

That guy that Barb just shot off the roof didn’t just fell, he was doing acrobatic tricks on the way down. Impressive. #BarbWire

Uh, oh. Railsback has gone into complete crazy person mode now. #BarbWire

Geez, Axel. You didn’t have to punch out that construction worker. I’m sure if you asked nicely he would have let use that crane. #BarbWire

But then again, maybe Axel punched ’cause he didn’t cook him some f***ing eggs like he asked him. #BarbWire

I have to say that this fight sequence between Pam and Railsback is actually pretty decent. #BarbWire

See Railsback. If you didn’t call Barb ‘Babe’, she probably wouldn’t have killed you. Dumb arse. #BarbWire

Ahh… When did it start getting all dark and stormy all of a sudden? There was a lot of sunshine literally 5 seconds ago. #BarbWire

If you really want to know how much this film rips off CASABLANCA, just watch this final scene at the airport. #BarbWire

You know what? If Pam Anderson and Dolly Parton ever team up for a film, I think their combined boobage would be too much for the screen to take. #BarbWire

Well, that’s the end of the film. Despite all the action and boobs, I think I’ll just stick with CASABLANCA instead thanks. #BarbWire

In all seriousness, I’m really surprised that this film wasn’t retitled BOOB WIRE during production. #BarbWire

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 37th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in July for my 38th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: THE AVENGERS (1998), BASIC INSTINCT 2 and CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn