Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #29: The Haunting (1999)

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 29th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I said that this edition was going to be a special horror themed one in honour of Halloween this month. I posted up poll with three bad horror movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this horror themed 29th installment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… THE HAUNTING (1999)! Is this one of the worst horror remakes ever? Did this film pretty much destroy SPEED director Jan de Bont’s career? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

6697

Bede @BedeJermyn

Now I know I have said this many times before but I’m going to say it again, is it too late for me to NOT watch this film?

It’s hard to believe that I use to like this film when I first watched it back 1999. How dumb and naive I was back then

MV5BMTM5MTEzNzMxNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjk4NjYzNQ@@._V1_SX640_SY720_

Oh hi Lili Taylor! Don’t worry you’ll eventually star in a good haunted house film 14 later with THE CONJURING

Oh hi Virginia Madsen! Nice to see you pop in this film for only 2 minutes

Wow. Virgina Madsen and her onscreen husband are total arseholes to Lili Taylor’s character.

Oh snap! You just got owned Virginia Madsen!

In all seriousness, Lili Taylor gives a better performance than this film really truly deserves.

Thanks mysterious stranger on phone for pointing me out that wanted ad in the newspaper! That was swell!

thehaunting3

Oh hi Liam Neeson!

I hope the haunted house doesn’t try to kidnapped Liam’s daughter ’cause if it does, that’ll be the biggest mistake it will ever make.

Well… That was a weird transition from one scene to another. I don’t think we were done with other scene yet.

No Lili Taylor! Don’t go into that house! It’s going to leave a bad stain on your career!

301190_full-720x517

Hey Oscar nominated actor Bruce Dern! I guess the studio forced you to be in this film too, huh?

That’s one big knocker.

“Hello?” IS ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?!!!!

“Just because I’m holding a giant kitchen knife in my hand and have a creepy look on face, doesn’t mean I’m evil”

That painting of Mr. Crain kind of looks like Wolverine from the X-MEN

“You must love working here?” “Other than the creepy ghosts, it’s not too bad”

haunt2

Hello Catherine Zeta-Jones… *Re-ow*

Geez, this house is pretty big. It must take at lest 20 years to clean it from top to bottom.

Geez, stop making fun of that creepy older lady, Lili Taylor.

I like how Catherine Zeta-Jones is strips down to her lingerie in front of Lili with no shame whatsoever.

“I studied Purgatory. I was there for 11 years” Ahhh… Okay…

Say what you will about this film, but the production design in this film is pretty spectacular

the-haunting-movie-catherine-zeta-jones-lili-taylor

Where’s that carnival music coming from?

Oh hi Owen Wilson!

Hey Oscar nominated actor/writer/director Todd Field. I suppose you have to start somewhere I guess.

MV5BMjAwNjAyMDU1Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDg4NjYzNQ@@._V1__SX1217_SY571_

So far there are 6 Oscar winning/nominated actors in this cast but yet, none of them is Lili Taylor. This is a travesty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah. We’ve all heard how awful your Mum a billion times before, Lili.

Uh, oh. That piano string is getting loose. I hope it doesn’t hurt somebo-oh, wait. Never mind.

Listen, Owen. When Liam Neeson tells you to keep a secret, you don’t immediately go and tell everyone!

3116763

Nice pajamas, Owen Wilson.

Ahhh… Did those wooden children’s face just move? Clearly yes. Yes, they did.

Did the house just roar?

It’s a good thing that small lock is keeping those ghosts out.

Why is there a state of a Egyptian Pharaoh in one of the rooms?

Oh, dear God! Owen Wilson is knocking at the door! That’s more terrifying than a ghost.

Oh no! It’s a bad CGI ghost under the bed sheets!

Despite just seeing a ghostly face talking through her bed sheet, Lili is surprisingly taking it well.

Seriously if that happened to me, I would be crapping myself in fright.

“I’ve got a soft spot for Theo” Yeah, I’m pretty sure that the spot you’re referring to isn’t *soft*, Owen.

MV5BMTMzODcxMTAxM15BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwODk4NjYzNQ@@._V1_SX640_SY720_

50 minutes into the film and nothing remotely scary hasn’t happened yet.

That statue kind of looks like the Grim Reaper. He’s probably there to take souls of every involved with this film.

Yeah, Lili. Just casually go listen and follow those creepy children’s voice wherever they lead you.

Can something scary please happen already. I’m bored.

can-we-ever-numb-the-pain-of-these-terrible-horror-remakes-the-haunting-1999-466933

Those wooded children are creepy as hell.

“Oh my God! That ghost was trying to put my hair into a pony tail!”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure your suppose to hear the Liam’s private recordings, Lili.

There’s a woman hanging from a noose. Unfortunately I’m still not scared yet.

I liked how that skeleton was able to sit up straight like that.

The Haunting - set 3

“What’s that smell?” That’s the crappiness of the movie.

You know between this film and THE PHANTOM MENACE, Liam Neeson wasn’t having a good 1999.

Hello? Hello?! HELLO?!!! Can something scary please happen! I’m extremely bored right now!

You know this film would be more fun if Liam Neeson went full-blown TAKEN mode on the ghosts in this house.

Why are there shadows of jellyfish on the walls?

Ice to meet you!

You what filmmakers? No amount of CGI is going make this film any scary. Not by a long shot.

the_haunting_1999_1

You know for someone who suffers from insomnia, Lili Taylor’s hair is still perfect.

Ghost baby bump!

“Help us Eleanor!” Screw you! I’m out of here!

Oh, look! Something scary is about to hap-Zzzzzzz…

Geez, Liam. You’re a Jedi master. You can easily get out of a situation like this.

A-subtle-sophisticated-scene-from-the-1999-remake-of-THE-HAUNTING

Yeah, I think after that incident, Liam is going to start believing this house is haunted now.

Man, what a mess. Mrs. Dudley is going to pissed when she comes in to clear up in the morning.

It’s amazing that Owen was able to cut through a some wooden posts with an iron bar.

Geez, Owen. You didn’t even try to attempt to drive through that locked gate.

MV5BMTYxMzc1NjY4MV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjA5NjYzNQ@@._V1__SX1217_SY571_

It’s pretty clear that the makers behind this film didn’t see the original 1962 version of this film.

Run! Run away!

“It’s too late. He’s not going to let you go” Funny, that’s what producers said to the actors when they tried to get out this film

Uh, oh. Owen just wrecked Mr. Crain’s picture. He’s going to be pissed about this.

MV5BMTczMDU3NTAwNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjA5NjYzNQ@@._V1_SX640_SY720_

Owen Wilson just got decapitated by a giant swinging lion pendulum. Yet I’m still not scared.

Oh, man. This finale has gone into full-bore bad CGI mode now.

You know this whole haunted house situation could have easily have been sorted out if they just called the Ghostbusters.

haunting

Why does the ghost of Hugh Crain look like the Galactus cloud from FANATSTIC 4: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER?

Yeah… I’m totally not scared right now.

Only two will enter, only one will leave.

“You go to Hell!” You go to Hell and you die!

700146853

This scene would be way better if Lily and the ghost of Hugh Crain had a dance off.

So… Much…Bad…C…G…I…

Oh, hey again Bruce Dern. I forgot you were in this film.

“Did you find out what you wanted to know, Doctor?” Yeah, THE PHANTOM MENACE wasn’t the worst film he starred in 1999.

MV5BMjQ0NDk0MzExNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNzk4NjYzNQ@@._V1__SX1217_SY571_

So… Whatever happened to Liam’s assistants? They left earlier and they never came back. Lucky them.

Well, that’s end of the film. *Sign*… Now excuse me while I go watch a real scary haunted house film.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this special horror themed 29th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in November for my 30th edition, which could one of the following three bad films: JURASSIC PARRK III, STAYING ALIVE or TURBO: A POWER RANGERS MOVIE. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s