Bea’s Top 10 Evil Residents! [by Bea Harper]

I, Beatrix Jane Harper, have found it absolutely prudent to construct a list of my Top X RE beasties. Before I continue, I would just like to make a small disclaimer: I will be consciously avoiding the token staples of the games, that is, the Tyrants, the Lickers, the Hunters, the Cerberus and ESPECIALLY the zombies because everybody knows how wonderful they are and as such every single list has them. If that is not to your liking, I won’t hold it against you if you don’t read the rest of this article, but I wanted to be fair and open-minded about my choices. So here we go, my Top 10 creepy, crawly, nasty, awesomely freaky “Resident Evil” creatures!

Honorable mention: Crimson Heads

         crimson

Yes, yes so I did indeed just say I wasn’t going to put a zombie on the list itself, but I figure the Crimson Head deserves a highly honorable mention. Good GOD these sumbitches are mean creatures! Of all the fantastic elements introduced into the fabulous “REmake”, these bastards are one of them. Although they are a rare occurrence in relation to your conventional zombie, they are what results in improper zombie disposal. In addition to their namesakes being quite literal, they run like Carl Lewis, are meaner than a Hitler penguin and will not hesitate to kill other walking dead JUST to get to you. I’d be flattered if I wasn’t so damn terrified.

10. Lisa Trevor (Resident Evil REmake)

Lisa Trevor

The daughter of George and Jessica Trevor, Lisa Trevor was doomed the moment she set foot in the mansion and into the claws of Spencer. When George was murdered due to his being the architect of the mansion at the behest of Spencer’s paranoia, Jessica attempted to escape with her daughter, but the plan was foiled. Lisa was taken by the scientists of Umbrella and unspeakable experiments were conducted on her body and her mind, the countless procedures rendering her almost immortal. By the time we meet her in the game, her body is warped, her rationality long departed with only her most basic instincts serving her. Although she is frightening, Lisa adds significant pathos the the tragedy that has befallen her. She wanders the Spencer estate, her strangled, bestial voice calling for her mother and lives in a constant state of suffering. She is terrifying but also extremely pitiful and when you face her, you feel fear but also sadness for her plight. A truly tragic and sad character that matches the story of William Birkin.

9. Rasklapanje (Resident Evil 6)

Charlie

Unfortunately, this is the only creature from the most recent installment that I deemed remotely creepy and left an impression on me. While the Rasklapanje (for brevity, let’s call them Charlie Browns) is essentially a cheap Regenerator knock off, you gotta admit, it makes a Hell of an entry… and an exit so to speak. Gangly and leech-like with a heck of a reach and issuing a cry that sounds an awful lot like a demented baby, Charlie Browns have the distinction of being responsible for the most gruesome and disturbing death in 6. When it gets a hold of its prey, it injects its inner mouth appendage down the hosts’ throat and moments later, a new Charlie Brown emerges from the victim’s body. It propagates through hunting more or less and yeah, when I saw that for the first time, I was like “YUCK!” Another highly memorable death involving a Charlie Brown is in a QTE involving a meat grinder that can either go in your favour or its. That’s all I’ll say.

8. Ooze (Resident Evil Revelations)

Ooze

Revelations” has a respectable beast menagerie in general and indeed, Oozes have closer ties with your token garden-variety zombie in terms of being a regular foe. The reason why I put them in the number eight spot is the fact they have the ability to come out of practically nowhere, coming out of the smallest of environmental orifices like the T-1000. Not only that, but physically speaking, they resemble molten wax sculptures if they were left at the bottom of the ocean- pasty white with swollen growths that twist their ankles in feet in the opposite direction, featureless apart from a maw filled with sharp, bleach-white teeth. On top of that, they can be surprisingly difficult to get a bead on when you shoot them. While you can take them down with regular hand bullets, they have a habit of swaying like a drunk after a bender and when they get their hands on you, out comes its oral feeding device (again with the proboscis!) to drink your blood. Yep, it drinks blood because blood helps sustain their bodies. While not scary and not terribly challenging, they deserve a mention because of these charms they have. Oh, and when they vocalise, they always sound so sad, moaning “Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.” and you kinda want to give them a hug. But you won’t because reasons.

7. Doctor Salvadore (Resident Evil 4)

Leon vs Super Salvador

Granted, foes with chain saws or sharp, buzzing appendages are liable to cause the player to enact a certain level of precaution by default, props must be given to the hooligan who started this trend that has become far too common. Doc Sal is one crazy party-goer with his persistent and surprisingly rapid stride, a massive, grating chainsaw running on fumes held aloft and a maniacal holler issuing from his lips when he’s about to land the one hit kill blow, if anybody tells you they felt completely calm and collected upon their first encounter- they are so full of crap because the truth of the matter is, he is a resilient, determined foe who just keeps on coming and the concept of a locked door and a window just has absolutely no meaning to him. And succumbing to Salvadore’s little fren? A thoroughly twisted yet spectacular sight indeed. Did I forget to mention he has a bigger and nastier brother in the Mercenaries mode? Oh yes, yes he does and he’s just as bad.

6. Rachael Foley (Resident Evil Revelations)

rach

Talk about getting a mucho confused boner and wildly impractical hair style. Poor Rachael had been infected with the dreadful T-Abyss virus via being fed on by Ooze where she suffered a unique mutation of which you can see the results above. When Jill is forced to backtrack her steps in the Queen Zenobia’s bilge, she hears a dulcet yet eerie feminine voice drone “Fooounnnnnnnd youuuuuuuuu…” as she carefully navigates the narrow corridors and enters a room. Jill comes across a rather troubling journal entry and reads it, discovering this is the last will and testament of a woman whose corpse she had seen earlier. When she looks up, she sees a sexualised monstrosity dragging its claws down the glass of a window before it basically scuttles away and disappears into an air duct with an echoing, unwholesome giggle. This bitch got a shiver out of me because of how transgressive she looks and how determined to kill you she is. While several elements of her denotes typical T-Abyss infection, she retains the ability to express cunning, intelligence and murderous drive, she even hisses “I want your BLOOD!” at several points while swiping at you with her nasty pronged claws. Her sub-boss battle is among one of the most effective and intense in the game, which is why I feel she deserves the distinction of being my number six.

5. G-Type William Birkin (Resident Evil 2, The Darkside Chronicles)

1208340-birkin__by_leonsblackvalkyrie94

William Birkin is a Byronic tragic figure- he became absolutely obsessed with his work and it all resulted him in destroying his body, his life and his family. He was never an outright villain, but he chose to walk a dangerous, destructive path and the result was catastrophic- his downfall was a result of the effect Umbrella had on the minds of it’s more brilliant minds. Birkin is also arguably the most hardy creature Leon and Claire do battle with in 2 because of how hardy he is in all of his forms. In his first incarnation, he’s generally manageable, but the more degenerated his body becomes, the more challenging he is. But perhaps the most twisted reason why Birkin earns this spot is the fact that he essentially wanted to make babies with his 12-year-old daughter Sherry Birkin. See, when a G-Virus creature such as what Birkin was needs to create further progeny, it selects a life form that shares its general bloodline- in this case, his child.

Hello, child services? I have a case to report.

Although being in the five-spot may be questionable to some of you, you need to remember that Birkin was never a bad person- just a hideously misguided one.

4. Bitores Mendez (Resident Evil 4)

Bitores_Mendez_Mutato

Arguably the most intensely intimidating boss battle in RE4 due to the quarters being close, fiery and dynamic, Mendez’s beastly Plagas mutation gives me the willies even now because of how creatively horrifying he looks. Capcom evidently took a well-informed leaf out of John Carpenter’s “The Thing” when they cooked up him up because look at him, seriously, look at the bastard. Not only does he look imposing, the sounds he emits are rank with menace with inhuman grunts, growls and heavy footsteps like a giant on your roof. Oh, that’s only the first half of the battle. When you sever his upper region from his lower, his torso possesses its own unique brand of terrorising Leon (and by extent, you) by swinging from the rafters of the old, decrepit barn and knocking Leon on his backside if given the chance. Well, at least he’s considerate enough to let you climb a ladder unmolested… before he pimp slaps you again. And is it just my imagination, or does Mendez resemble Sid Haig?

3. Verdugo (Resident Evil 4)

Verdugo

Okay, so I tend to see what the Pred-Alien should have been as cool rather than scary, but nobody can deny that its terrific appearance isn’t threatening because oh, it is. Although Salazar’s ‘Right Hand’ (does it come off?) is only encountered once, it leaves more than a lasting impression. Given the term ‘verdugo’ means ‘executioner’ in Spanish, it lives up to its title and them some. This thing is just beautiful as it is clever and sentient not to disqualify the fact these things can catch up to Leon in several quick strides and attempt to take his head off with a slash of its claws or its spindly tail. Although regaled with being the midget castellan’s bodyguards who remain mute by his side shrouded in ornate red and black cloaks, you can tell there is something compelling within the garment’s shadows and when you see a Verdugo without such raiments, your heart beats in your chest and you smile with unadulterated delight. Well, at least mine did. The Verdugo also holds the distinction of the only creature in 4 that actually makes Leon himself nervous. When he runs into the room to inspect the elevator shaft while waiting for the lift to arrive, the caption reads “Come on, come on!”. Of all the abominable sights in this game, the Verdugo makes Leon want to go home to his mummy? That’s saying something right there!

2. Regenerator (Resident Evil 4)

Regenerator

(I just want everybody to know that I am genuinely not trying to be bias by favouring the beasts in the fourth game, but you gotta admit, 4 holds the honor of having a vast assortment of scaries, Regenerators are no different.)

God, who can forget their first encounter with this thing in the Island chapter of the game? Up until this point, you have faced down ornery Ganados, El Gigante, Garradors, Del Lago, Collimos, Mendez and Plaga Monster Salazar, but nothing could prepare you for the scary simplicity of this bastard. Regenerators have absolutely no bells or whistles physically speaking, and at face value, they could be considered unremarkable… that is until you hear that breathing, when you see that steady, almost leisurely pace they walk, that mouth full of jagged jaws and that ability to shrug off every single shot you take at it. You can’t understand why it just doesn’t fall and every time you shoot a portion of its body off, it just regrows it like it was nothing. Your first impulse when you see this thing is to shoot it, but when that has no effect, panic takes you over and you either keep shooting or you draw in a sharp intake of breath before turning tail. Regenerators have an innate talent of overextending their arms to grip Leon with a horrifying guttural growl if they come to close and to die by Regenerator is not something you are likely to want to repeat again. In addition to this, the secondary variant to the Regenerator is the Iron Maiden, which shares the exact same abilities but is covered with needle sharp spikes and… well, the name really speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

“So,’ I hear you ask, ‘those are some pretty messed up creatures, so what could possibly qualify as #1?”  Well, let’s have a look, shall we?

1. Ozwell E. Spencer

Spencer

This guy. This is the guy that effectively started this bullshit. Granted, he did not necessarily have a hand in the Las Plagas pie, but that doesn’t matter because it was in fact his machinations that brought so much misery down on the characters and creatures of “Resident Evil”. The character of Spencer just proves that while you can fight as many freaks of nature as you please, the most frightening nightmare is the human mind that helps bear such foul fruits While we never fully saw Spencer until “Resident Evil 5″ when his prodigal son Wesker ran him through with his Magic Fist, we always felt his presence poisoning the veins of every game. It was he who brought about the genesis of the T-Virus and all of its offshoots. It was he who thought himself as God and it was he who left an immortal legacy on the world long after his company Umbrella went down in the flames of Hell. He decided that humanity was in need of a mass ethnic cleansing which is why he worked tirelessly on breeding a superior race of beings, so fed up was he that he did not once question the dubiousness of his actions or question his own morals. Humanity was wrong and he was completely in the right there was absolutely no convincing him otherwise. It’s really no wonder that even his physical appearance was based on The Emperor from “Star Wars” right down to his crackling, bitter voice because that’s who he was- the Evil Emperor who wanted absolute power and demanded compliance from those whom he deemed below him… which was basically everybody, including Wesker. Wesker himself made it clear that even he was uncertain about the old devil’s intentions. In a sense, Spencer reminds me of Emeric Belasco from Richard Matheson’s best-selling “Hell House”- a perverse old wretch who loved to sit from up on high and watch countless sanguinous orgies of blasphemy and transgression on the floor below him. Without Spencer, basically there would have been no “Resident Evil”. Fucker.

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