The Super Network

Speaking objectively, as a general film in terms of entertainment, the first ‘Resident Evil’ really isn’t a bad effort. If we forget for a moment what the series would become (that is an entire CLUSTERFUCK of money, time and potential talent), this movie made more of a concious effort to be a standalone rather than derive precise plotlines and characters from the canon, and in that case, I feel as an action film it works. Is it great? Hell no, it’s not even what you could call GOOD, but it’s just FINE. There are things to like about it, there are things to despise, but I don’t feel this film goes out of it’s way to offend us as an audience and bombard us with bullshit at every turn.

Facebook Follies: Resident Evil

Doing the impossible: watching ‘Breaking Dawn’ Part 2. These credits are quite nicely done to be honest.

– Mmm is that some Jason Isaacs I hear?

– The music by Marilyn Manson really is a standout factor in this movie. I have this score on CD- one of my best aural investments if I do say so.

– From the start we really do get some nice set designs and use of cinematography. It’s not masterpiece, but it works.

– Oh dear, somebody dropped something special…

– Haha! You are all going to die!

– I do like how this outbreak is handled for what we are able to see. The notion that the dogs can sense something is amiss (though it never explains how, but given how animals are magical creatures, I can believe this) is pretty good if done over by now.

– Say what you like about the lack of frights in this movie, but if you tell me that if you were stuck in an elevator in a building run by sentient AI during a blackout and you weren’t scared, I know you’d be lying. That shit is legtimately scary.

– Oh honey, don’t do that!

– Told ya.

– You know, I’ve fainted in the shower before and I never woke up as glamourously (that a word? It is now :p) as Milla Jovovich.

– I’ll get this out of the way now- I honestly don’t mind her as an actress, she’s done some pretty solid work. Too bad this Mary Sue we are seeing would become the sole driving force of this… ugh.

– At least her lack of character is excusable for the fact she has amnesia in this movie.

– Not the most practical outfit but the lady wears it well.

– YES! Manson’s ‘Seizure of Power’. This piece rocks.

– Colin Salmon, you deserve so much better.

– LOL “Blow me”. Doesn’t make sense, but still makes me laugh.

– Okay, may I say? Michelle R. looks foxy all tac-geared up.

– I wish I had a James Purefoy fall out of MY car. You know, a friend of mine, before Purefoy really came
into his own, said he was the Poor Man’s Hugh Jackman. Eat your words, my friend, eat them every day! 😀

– Okay, the underground train is certainly a direct reference to the very excellent RE 2 game, but it suits the purpose.

– Sexy look there, Michelle.

– Yes Milla, you did a love scene with James Purefoy. Surely that must have jogged your memory.

– Yes, it IS very video-gamey and technologically amatuerish of a film maker to do, but I do like how they explained the layout of The Hive with that computer projection. If anything it’s good for orientation.

– Yeah, all these military folks are expendable.

– Laser pen! Er, laser tunnel! Okay, those eviscerations were pretty creative, despite how cheap they look in general. ‘Cube’ did it better, but I can’t really complain.

– Egh, ‘Red Queen’. I did like the reference they made in the RE Umbrella Chronicles game when Wesker smashes the computer screen. 😀 Never gave a shit about the Red Queen’s part in the story… but, then again, this was back when they were actively trying to stay AWAY from the events in the game canon, so I can’t complain too much.

– Props to the movie for not once saying the word ‘zombie’.

– For it’s simplistic shoot-em-up nature, the scene isn’t too badly done, however bloodless it really is. I’m surprised that this movie was marketed as an R, but it was really watered down to PG levels (I’m not a decrier of PG, I just wanted to make that observation considering this is a movie that deals with zombies and other unpleasant beasties, there’s little to no major bloodshed)

– ONOES! Michelle’s been bitten. Yep, she’s gonna die.

– Milla’s gone walkabout…

– Milla finds a gun…

– Milla knows kung-fu.

– MILLA KICKS A FUCKING DOBERMAN!

– Heart-felt reunion with your sister there, buddy. Whoops, she’s a zombie! Whoops, Milla just caved her head in with a paper weight, now you’ll never know if she was the one who stole your baseball cards.

– I really wish I had the wit of the Mystery Science Theatre boys because I really have nothing to say!

– Gosh, Milla does have arresting eyes. Even if they aren’t expressing jack shit, they still are striking.

– Noooow it’s all coming back to Milla… she doesn’t seem too surprised.

– Yes, okay boys, the neck snapping with the thighs, “BEST DEATH EVAR!” Jesus. :p

– Okay everybody, repeat after me: IT’S MILLA TIME!

– Na-na-na-na-na-na-na LICK-ER!

– Yeah, I didn’t even know the name of the guy who Nobly Sacrificed himself. No I don’t feel bad about it whatsoever. 😀

– Ohhh, James Purefoy is a bad, bad man, yes he IS.

– So okay, he was spying for the Umbrella Corporation who started the outbreak when he uncovered a mole in the organization who was the guy’s dead sister, and he was also in a faux relationship with Milla’s character, and they both lost their memory due to a gas that causes temporary amnesia and… wait, if HE was the one who started the outbreak, why didn’t he protect himself from the gas, I mean, what happened if that train had gone out of control or if one of the creatures found it’s way on there and ripped him to shreds in his sleep? Does this make any sense to anybody else?

– Haha, you can totally see it in his face- “I’m so evil I could wet my pants with the sheer audacity of it!”

– Nice Bitch look there, Milla.

– Shut up Red Queen.

– Is that Licker EATING or KISSING Purefoy?

– Might I say, but Purefoy really does look hot as a zombie… oh God, I’m a necrophiliac.

– Okay, I know Anderson wasn’t trying to be so insidious to do this, but please, don’t make a small child say suggestively “I’ve been a bad girl.” even if it just a computer program. It sounds… wrong.

– AVAST! The line that lauched a thousand Yuri fics. Fellas, she said “I COULD kiss you” not “I WANT to kiss you.”. Then again, I won’t lie that there wasn’t some under the surface possibility of those two characters getting together and… nope, now’s not the time for that shit. Back to my HUNK/Tofu shipping I go. 😛

– LOL @ dude’s “Aww yeah, two hot chicks about to get it on” face before Licker comes to crash the party.

– Well that was a waste of what could have been a halfway decent fight.

– And Michelle’s a zombie. And now there’s a hole in her head.

– Whew, they made it out of the Hive!

– OSHIT, UMBRELLA SCIENTISTS!

– I’m half expecting the leader of the group to call “TO THE NEMESIS MOBILE” (those who have seen the second movie will know what this means)

– Hello Jason Isaac’s gloriously Arctic blue eyes.

– Milla’s vagina. Oh, ah, let us act as if we haven’t seen a lady garden before.

– The only worthwhile RE reference that this entire series has made- “THE DEAD WALK!”.

– Most audiences at the time- “There’s gonna be a sequel? I hope it will be good!” If only they knew… if only they knew.