Bea’s Facebook Follies: Breaking Dawn Part 2

First impressions are indeed everything when it comes to making a reputation of oneself. Thusly, welcome to my inaugural new article “Facebook Follies”, which is similar to The Terrible Australian’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, only on Facebook and hopefully more movies that are less likely to make Baby Jesus cry. I will be doing a blow-by-blow typed commentary on the movies I watch. I only do this in the name of fun and in no way do I profit (though if you would like to donate some Crème Eggs, I wouldn’t complain). So without further ado, my first Folly is… “Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2”. Well shit, it had to happen eventually, so let’s just let this glorious mess bolt from the gate now.

Facebook Follies: Breaking Dawn Part 2

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Doing the impossible: watching ‘Breaking Dawn’ Part 2. These credits are quite nicely done to be honest.

*screams like a rabid fangirl* OMG, BILLY BURKE AND MICHAEL SHEEN!

Aaaaaand the shit has started. K-Stew is trying to act like a vampire. Badly.

Why does Robert Pattison always look constipated in these movies? (Silly question is silly)

Okay, wait a tic, didn’t they say in a previous movie that when a vampire is newly ‘born’ they are wild, uncontrollable animals that take ages to temper themselves?

Wow, K-Stew is actually SMILING. Not the nervous serial killer half smile but an actual smile.

THE BITCH KILLED A COUGAR.

Lautner has a shirt. Awwwwww wells.

THE CGI BABY IS FREAKING ME OUT.

And now Jacob is admitting his pedoness. Wow, and Bella is actually reacting realistically.

LOL Angry Bella is hilarious. (As Marcey said, there should be a new game for iPhone :D)

And now she’s okay with the fact her childhood friend wants to do her daughter. She’s still not happy with the kid being named after the Loch Ness Monster, nosiree!

That IS a nice house to be perfectly honest. How the Hell does Alice afford all of this shit and not draw speculation?

I’ve seen more cheesy 80’s love scenes more erotic than this.

Ahhh Billy Burke as Bella’s dad Charlie.

Hah haaaa. Jacob starts to unshirt, Burke asks “What the Hell do you think you’re doing?” SLASH FICCERS UNITE!

Charlie is taking Jacob’s nakedness quite well.

Charlie Swan really is a level-headed, tolerant mofo- a teenage boy takes off his clothes and becomes a wolf in front of him and his daughter tells him that she’s a vampire after being absent for a few weeks. He’s taken all of this like a champion.

“Oh yeah, here’s your grand-daughter, dad.” “Aww shucks, what a cutie, I’m not even gonna get angry and beat the shit out of your boyfriend.”
Yyyyeah there’s the sparkles.

Well at least the kid isn’t CGI anymore.

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Crazy Michael Sheen is awesome. ^0^

LOL, gotta love ‘historical’ flashbacks. I’ve seen better sets in school plays.

Sooo, rather than approach the Volturi personally to thrash the differences out diplomatically, they waste time by walking the globe to find ‘witnesses’?

BTW, can anybody tell me how is vampire can reproduce the old fashioned way, I don’t care if one is mortal while the other isn’t, it makes absolutely no biological sense whatsoever. THERE IS NO PLUMMING IN DEM DUSTY PIPES.

Wow, check out the racial stereotypes!

Woo, Lee Pace looking like a grizzled has-been rocker. I like.

God this is boring. Can we get to the battle already?

Aww, Jacob is leading his own pack of fledgling wolfies. “Okay fellas, if they are old enough to poo they’re good enough for you!”

Forgive my tasteless last comment, but come on, IMPRINTING on YOUNG CHILDREN. What are you trying to say, Meyer?

So the black smoke from Lost found work after the series after all.

I’m gonna start looking up Smurf porn if this movie just continues to have people standing around as if in a dramatic IKEA magazine playing talking heads with the dulcent tones of a hipster soundtrack in the background.

Figures, vampires liasoning with lawyers.

FINALLY. The fucking battlefield. Alright everybody, look DRAMATIC.

Michael Sheen isn’t just chomping on the scenery, he’s devouring it like a black hole. I LOVE IT!!!!

Haha, I swear Sheen just orgasmed.

Haha, NOW we’re talkin’. Bring on the awesomely bad CGI epic fight! Vivisections, impalements, burnings, beheadings, THIS is what we wanna see! More beautiful than the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, more inspiring than Lady Godiva, more delicious than a whole buffet of wine and cheese! I DRINK YOUR TEARS, TWEENS AND TWI-MOMS! THEY ARE DIVINE!!!!

Unsurprisingly, they actually used the Wilhelm Scream.

Holy crap, Hell just opened below them all. BIBLICAL.

And Dakota Fanning is DOWN!

LOL Bella and Edward tag-teaming Michael Sheen is hilarious– OH SHIT, NO MORE HEAD!
Wait… what… it was all a friggin hallucination?! REALLY? After all of that (admittedly quite crappy carnage), all of what transpired in the last 15 minutes was just a bloody picture that Ashley Greene’s character put into Sheen’s character’s head?! Okay, fuck this, fuck this movie, fuck it all, fuck you Meyer, fuck just fuck fuck fuckity fuuuuuuuuuck!

Seriously Meyer, fuck your couch.

Crazy Michael Sheen says thanks for reading!

2 thoughts on “Bea’s Facebook Follies: Breaking Dawn Part 2

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