Funk’s Top 10: Movies for a Stinking Hot Day

As some of you are already aware, I live in Australia. This is the hottest month of the year and the past few days have been SCORCHING. This is fine when you’re free to grab a surfboard and hit the beach with an esky full of tinnies (which is all we ever do), not so great when you spend your day in a roasting hot, computer filled greenhouse of a classroom with no air conditioning and fans that only serve to push the heat around.

In an attempt to think nice, frosty thoughts I’ve made this weeks Top 10 all about nice, frosty thoughts. The movies that give you that nice, cool feeling on a hot, simmering day.

10. Dead Snow

With temperatures in the classroom well over 40c, there’s a lot I would put up with for a nice bit of wind chill. Nazis? Fine. Zombies? I’ll deal with it. Zombie Nazis? Whatever. When your typical party crazy teens hold up in a shack for a night of debauchery they fall afoul of – you guessed it – zombie Nazis. Eventually they have to make the choice between trying to survive in the shack or brave the elements. I’ll take elements, thanks.

9. 30 Days of Night

A bunch of ugly vampires make a wonderful discovery: a town in Alaska where night falls for an entire month! The, of course, flock to the town with the intention of indulging in an epic buffet. A place where it is freezing cold for a whole month? Where do I sign up for this vampire stint! Just as long as I don’t have to act all mushy with the expressionless Kristen Stewart.

8. The Day After Tomorrow

A movie that can best be summed up as “it’s cold and there are wolves after me”, this little slice of apocalypse sees New York being engulfed by an epic tidal wave that promptly freezes turning the Big Apple in a frozen treat. Whilst the survivors take refuge in a big library (being an Emmerich film I’m sure it’s some kind of landmark I’m not familiar with) while slowly freezing to death. Bliss.

7. Nanook of the North

It takes a man to wear those pants. And no-one is more of a man Nanook.

Although Nanook himself looks nice and snug in his big furry pants, he must be feeling the cold. The oceans bob with giant chunks of ice, the family huddles together for warmth and each evening Nanook builds himself a new house out of ice blocks. A house made of ice – nothing sounds more perfect right now.

6. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe


Isn’t this the dream…walk into the wardrobe and emerge in a wintery wonderland. It’s filled with pine trees, mythological animals and, um, Santa Claus handing out medieval weapons. Sure the entire place is frozen by an evil Queen whilst all the locals slowly starve to death but right now it looks like paradise.

5. The Empire Strikes Back

Whilst I am certain that Dagobah and Cloud City are quite chilly, nothing can hold a candle to Hoth (mainly because it would extinguish immediately). Hoth is cold. Damn cold. Cold enough that even the capable and strong Luke Skywalker succumbs to the cold in a very short amount of time, saved only by the quick-thinking Han Solo slicing open his steed to create a snug little hidey-hole.

4. Let the Right One In

Tours now available!

Oh Sweden, aren’t you wonderfully desolate? The starkness of the landscape in this miniature vampire fable lends to the beauty of the piece. The open white landscapes are enough to send a very welcome chill down your spine and the frozen lakes are enough to make you shiver. And if those don’t capture your heart then a young vampire might just rip it out.

3. The Shining

Snug.

Welcome to the Overlook Hotel and the snowy landscape that surrounds it. Never mind the haunted hotel, decaying women in bathtubs, creepy twins and possession…it looks so nice and cold outside! With endless, rolling fields of untouched snow and a hedge maze or awesomeness. Don’t take it to heart though, like poor Jack, who ended up a little more on the frosty side.

2. The Thing

Nothing like a bit of claustrophobia to bring on the chills! John Carpenter brings that sense of biting winds and frost-clung windows through the screen and into the viewers bones. When the real world is getting hot to the point of uncomfortable then this movie will drop your core temperature.

1. Fargo

Whilst The Thing might be the coldest environment on this list, everyone throwing around those flamethrowers adds some unnecessary warmth to the place. For some real chills the cold minds at work in the Twin Cities reflect the deep snow that surrounds them. As the snow falls thicker and the sky grows darker during the movie the viewer is left feeling very cold indeed. Certainly a relief on a hot day like this.

For more of Funk’s Geekery visit Funk’s House of Geekery!

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