Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #87: Jonah Hex

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the 87th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Apologies for the slight lateness of this edition once again. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 87th installment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… JONAH HEX! Is this really one of the most forgettable DC films ever made? How could so many talented people be involved with this film? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said a billion times before but I’m going to say it again: is it too late for me to *not* watch this film? #JonahHex

I’ll say this: I do like the western style music of the Warner Bros. logo score at the beginning. #JonahHex

Weed Road Pictures. I wish I had weed right now to help get through this film right now. #JonahHex

With all these establishing shot of this swamp, I’m expecting it to cut to Kermit the Frog playing the banjo on a log somewhere. #JonahHex

Oh, hi Josh Brolin. Don’t worry, you’ll star in better comic book films after this one. #JonahHex

Okay, one strike against Jonah Hex as a character: he served as a confederate soldier. #JonahHex

Oh… Okay. The film is skipping the set up for the story and going straight to Hex’s family being killed… Okay. #JonahHex

John Malkovich… Why are you in this? Then again, you’ve been in worse. So I’ll let that side. #JonahHex

Cue the “comic style animated sequence with lots of exposition” sequence of the film. #JonahHex

“… This is my story.” … And by the end of it you’re not going to care. #JonahHex

Oh, geez. Josh Brolin’s Jonah Hex make-up is pretty bad. They didn’t attempt to make it look cool. #JonahHex

Okay, I admit that Jonah Hex having machine guns strapped to his horse is a little cool. #JonahHex

I don’t know who’s idea it was to build a town on top of a sand dune but whatever. #JonahHex

POINTLESS EXPLOSIONS!!! #JonahHex

I honestly can’t believe out of all the filmmakers they got to direct this, they got the guy who directed the animated film DR. SEUSS’ HORTON HEARS A WHO. #JonahHex

I wonder how that went down? I can’t imagine some executive saw HORTON HEARS A WHO and was like, “Guys… This is the person who should direct our a violent and dark comic book film western.” #JonahHex

You know who the best part of this film is? Michael Fassbender as Malkovich’s henchman Burke. He steals every scene he is in. #JonahHex

Oh, hi, Aidan Quinn and Will Arnett. I guess you both needed money too, huh? #JonahHex

I’m pretty sure the nation doesn’t rest of the shoulders of Jonah Hex, Mr. President, but again, whatever. #JonahHex

Okay, I will admit, this scene where Hex shoots the arsehole who asked about his face was pretty funny. #JonahHex

Hello, Megan Fox. #JonahHex

Man, both Josh Brolin and Megan Fox look so bored in this scene. #JonahHex

Is it just me or is Megan’s face look blurry in some scenes? Especially when they go back-and-forth between Brolin and her. It’s weird. #JonahHex

Oh, John Gallagher Jr.! I didn’t realise that you were in this film. Don’t worry, you’ll have a better career after this. #JonahHex

If you told me that this film was set in the same universe as the terrible Will Smith & Kevin Kline starring WILD WILD WEST film, I would believe you. #JonahHex

So… Jonah Hex has the power to literally talk to the dead?… Okay. #JonahHex

Okay, so apparently to the character’s wiki page, Jonah Hex never had the power to speak to the dead in the comics and it was created just for this film. Again… Why? #JonahHex

Oh, hi, Wes Bentley. I guess you didn’t learn your lesson about starring in bad comic book films after GHOST RIDER, huh? #JonahHex

“Pretty orange balls.” That line was bad but man, Fassbender makes it sound hilarious. #JonahHex

Oh, hi, Michael Shannon! Nice to see you turn up for a literal 10 second role in this film. #JonahHex

Oh… Okay… There’s a literal snake humanoid monster in this film now. That’s… Random. #JonahHex

Well… That whole scene was pointless. #JonahHex

Oh, hi, Jeffrey Dean Morgan! Geez, who the hell isn’t on this film? #JonahHex

Luckily I know that this is Jeffrey Dean Morgan now because honestly the first time I watched this film, I didn’t know who it was due how bloody darkly lit this scene is. #JonahHex

It’s funny how Jeffery Dean Morgan’s uncredited cameo has more screen time for him than Michael Shannon, who is actually credited in this film. #JonahHex

Oh! OH!!! Lance Reddick is in this film, too?! Once again, who the hell *isn’t* in this film? #JonahHex

So… Lance Reddick is the Q of this film and provides Jonah Hex all his cool weapons? I dig it. #JonahHex

Geez, a lot of the night time scenes in this film are really dark. I’m getting bad ALIENS VS. PREDATOR: REQUIEM flashbacks again because of these. #JonahHex

I’m just going to say if right now… Michael Fassbender should have been the main villain of this film. He’s so much more fun and interesting than John Malkovich’s character. #JonahHex

I like how Jonah Hex knocks a henchman out by throwing a rock at his head. #JonahHex

Also I like Michael Fassbender’s Irish accent is even more full blown Irish in this film than it has in any other film he has ever been in. #JonahHex

Well, that dream sequence was pointless. #JonahHex

This film tries to go out of its way to make John Malkovich be a truly evil villain but literally killing an entire town of innocent people, but he’s just so dull. #JonahHex

I know that Josh Brolin is sleeping in his performance but this is ridiculous. #JonahHex

Here we go. More dream sequences again. #JonahHex

Jonah when he sees that dog. #JonahHex

Geez. Even Wes Bentley has more screen-time in this film than Michael Shannon does. #JonahHex

Here we go! Brolin vs. Fassbender. The only highpoint of this whole entire finale. #JonahHex

Death by boat propeller. #JonahHex

Now that Michael Fassbender is dead, I don’t care what happens in the rest of the film now. #JonahHex

It’s so weird seeing Will Arnett playing a serious non-comedic character. #JonahHex

NOOOOO!!! Not Will Arnett and John Gallagher Jr.! They both only had one day left until retirement! #JonahHex

It has to say something that the least ridiculous film in this film is seeing Jonah Hex killing bad guys with a flamethrower. #JonahHex

Enough with the dream sequences already! #JonahHex

Well… That was a quick finale battle. #JonahHex

“If you get yourself in a jam, you know where to find me.” … and make sure I don’t team up with both Will Smith & Kevin Kline either. #JonahHex

So if you take away the end credits, this film is only 73 minutes long. LITERALLY. 73 MINUTES. LONG. #JonahHex

Once again, Michael Shannon has the “And…” credit of this film and he’s only in it for 10-15 seconds. If you didn’t spot him at that fighting match at the circus, you would have never known he was in this film. #JonahHex

I can’t believe Neveldine & Taylor wrote this film and even at one point, suppose to direct it too. Between this and GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE, comic book films aren’t really their forte. #JonahHex

Well, that’s the end of the film. While it’s definitely not as everyone says, it’s still massively mediocre nonetheless. If there is one western from 2010 that stars Josh Brolin you should be watching, make it TRUE GRIT. #JonahHex

I hope you all enjoyed reading this 88th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late September for my 87th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: KANGEROO JACK, ON DEADLY GROUND or THE SNOWMAN. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

Written by Bede Jermyn

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