The Super Network

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the 74th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Apologies once again for the lateness of this new edition of the column. I was going to post this at the end of June as originally planned but due a whole bunch of stuff in the pass few weeks like work and covering the Melbourne International Film Festival, I didn’t get a chance to post this online until now. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. It was a very, very, very close race (the closest I have seen in ages!) but for this 74th instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… JOHNNY MNEMONIC! Is this worst film that Keanu Reeves has ever starred in? Was this the film that killed the internet/cyberpunk film sub-genre in the ’90s? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times before but I’m going to say it again: is it too late for me to *not* watch this film? #JohnnyMnemonic

Brace yourselves, everyone: we have over-complicated STAR WARS style opening crawl coming up. #JohnnyMnemonic

Even after reading this opening crawl, I’m still confused. #JohnnyMnemonic

Even though this film is pretty bad, the idea of having Keanu Reeves, Dolph Lundgren and Takeshi Kitano in the same film together is pretty bad arse. #JohnnyMnemonic

This film is set in 2021? Well, people we have at least two more years before our world looks like the one in this film. #JohnnyMnemonic

Oh, hai Udo Kier! #JohnnyMnemonic

I don’t know why Udo Kier’s character is named Ralphie, but it’s kind of hilarious. #JohnnyMnemonic

Oh, Keanu. We all love you but seriously, you’re performance so in this film definitely isn’t your finest hour as an actor. #JohnnyMnemonic

Remember that period the ‘90s when every film made in Hollywood was about the internet in some way? Good times. #JohnnyMnemonic

I don’t know if it’s just me, but Keanu’s hair in the film looks slightly weird. #JohnnyMnemonic

I’m not even 15 minutes into this film and I have no idea what is going on. #JohnnyMnemonic

I can imagine anyone who didn’t have the internet or a computer at the time this film came out in the ‘90s would be very confused by all the computer jargon that’s being spoken. #JohnnyMnemonic

Oh, no! I’m have LAWNMOWER MAN flashbacks with this sequence! #JohnnyMnemonic

Keanu Reeves is Nicolas Cage in JOHNNY MNEMONIC. #JohnnyMnemonic

Wow, this action sequence between Keanu and the Yakuza is… Poorly staged. #JohnnyMnemonic

Umm… What the hell kind of disguise is that, Keanu? I’m pretty sure everyone will know it’s you, mate. #JohnnyMnemonic

Even when being surrounding by giant stuffed animals, Takeshi Kitano is still an intimidating bad arse. #JohnnyMnemonic

Well, this is the most bizarre looking night club I’ve ever seen. #JohnnyMnemonic

Hello, Dina Meyer… *Sigh*. #JohnnyMnemonic

I don’t know why Henry Rollins is in this film, but I’m counting as a plus anyway because he is always awesome. #JohnnyMnemonic

Clearly on this fight scenes, Keanu still doesn’t know kung fu yet. #JohnnyMnemonic

I always love it when someone falls off a building and it’s very clear that it’s a doll. #JohnnyMnemonic

Ice-T hasn’t got time for your shit, bad guys. #JohnnyMnemonic

I swear Keanu’s hair gets bigger and bigger as the film goes along. #JohnnyMnemonic

“They were waiting for me, Ralphie! Two really big nasty men” Oh, man. The dialogue in this film is just… Wow. #JohnnyMnemonic

“I feel like my brain is about to explode!” Funny that’s what the audience said while this watching this film. #JohnnyMnemonic

I don’t know anyone else, Dina Meyer gives off full-on real crazy eyes as her character. #JohnnyMnemonic

Holy shit! Udo Kier just got sliced in half! #JohnnyMnemonic

Oh, no! Not Dutch angles! #JohnnyMnemonic

Umm… That kid looks strangely like Ed Sheeran. #JohnnyMnemonic

Look out! The cast of CATS is packing heat! #JohnnyMnemonic

Umm… What is up with these scenes with Takeshi Kitano and that woman on his TV monitor? They are just weird. #JohnnyMnemonic

Man, the dialogue is so bad lol. #JohnnyMnemonic

“I NEED… A COMPUTER!!!” A part of me just imagining Nicolas Cage bring cast in this film so he can say that line now. #JohnnyMnemonic

Ewww… Bad mid-‘90s CGI. #JohnnyMnemonic

So… Much… Virtual reality!!! #JohnnyMnemonic

Everyone in the cast when they meet Keanu’s character Johnny. #JohnnyMnemonic

Finally! 50 minutes into the film, Dolph Lundgren has shown up! #JohnnyMnemonic

I like how Dolph Lundgren looks exactly Thor in this film. #JohnnyMnemonic

Ummm… What’s with all the mannequins? The production design in this film was just bizarre. #JohnnyMnemonic

I don’t know who’s idea it was to cast Dolph Lundgren as a preacher who’s assassin, but I hope that person got a raise because it’s brilliant casting. #JohnnyMnemonic

Maybe it’s just me, but having Henry Rollins wear giant nerd glasses in this film is hilarious. #JohnnyMnemonic

I like how Dolph Lundgren has a crucifix that’s also a dagger. #JohnnyMnemonic

You know for someone who just got run over by a speeding van, Dolph just brushes it off. #JohnnyMnemonic

I’m over an hour into this film, and I *still* have no idea what’s going on. #JohnnyMnemonic

Yeah, Dolph is definitely having way too much fun playing a psychopathic killer preacher. #JohnnyMnemonic

Is it just me, or does Keanu’s suit looks like it’s three times larger than him? #JohnnyNnemonic

Ummm… Did those guards just try to drop a flaming car on Keanu & Dina? #JohnnyNnemonic

Oh, man. Keanu has gone full-tilt Nicolas Cage right now with this monologue. It’s amazing! #JohnnyNnemonic

I like how Ice-T’s goggles are bigger than his head. #JohnnyNnemonic

Ahhh… Sooo… There’s a dolphin in this film now and it’s a big part of the story. Okay. #JohnnyNnemonic

I honestly don’t know what’s going on anymore. This film makes so sense. #JohnnyNnemonic

I like how everyone uses crossbows in these scene instead of guns. #JohnnyNnemonic

How dare that henchman shoot Takeshi Kitano in the back! You don’t do that to Kitano, man! #JohnnyNnemonic

Yep. There’s another doll falling to its death again. #JohnnyNnemonic

Dolph Lundgren meets a dolphin. It’s the moment we’ve all waiting to see forever. #JohnnyNnemonic

I don’t know about anyone else, but I want to see a film where Dolph’s character Street Preacher teams up the Kung Fu Fighting Priest from BRAINDEAD (a.k.a. DEAD ALIVE) for a film and kick arse for the Lord. #JohnnyNnemonic

I guess you could say that Dolph’s death scene was quite… Shocking. #JohnnyNnemonic

So in two years time, our technology is going be like this, huh? Well, the way the world is going at the moment, it probably will too. #JohnnyNnemonic

I like how the poor homeless people of this city have a TV set. #JohnnyNnemonic

Yeah, Keanu survived the transfer! All is good in the world. #JohnnyNnemonic

I like the gag just looks like burnt-to-crisp Dolph Lundgren may still be alive, but it pulls to reveal that it was Ice-T’s gang who are moving the body. It was actually quite funny. #JohnnyNnemonic

Well, that’s the end of the film. Don’t worry, Keanu. As bad as this film was, you’ll star in a way better sci-fi about the computers and the internet four years later with THE MATRIX. #JohnnyNnemonic

I hope you all enjoyed reading this 74th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in later this month for my 75th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: ALL MONSTERS ATTACK!, SHOCK TREATMENT and THE TOOTH FAIRY. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

Written by Bede Jermyn