Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #54: Speed 2 – Cruise Control

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the 54th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. I’m so very sorry for the lateness on this edition. I was hoping to have this one online late November as I was originally planned but the pass weeks have pretty busy in both my birthday and work that I didn’t get a chance to do it until now. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad horror movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 54th instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… NOTHING BUT TROUBLE! Did we really honestly need a sequel to the classic ’90s action film SPEED?! Who thought that setting it on a boat was a good idea?! Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again. Is it too late for me to *not* watch this film?

Yep, when I think of making a SPEED film, my first thought would totally be setting it on a luxury liner.

One thing that I don’t like about this film that despite not getting Keanu Reeves back for it, is the reason that his character Jack and Annie broke up ‘cause he was a jerk.

It’s pretty clear that Annie’s new boyfriend Alex was meant to be Jack before they rewrote ‘cause he’s basically the exact same character.

Also you know another flaw that this sequel makes? Is that they make Annie incredibly annoying and when she actually a strong and really likeable in the first film.

I don’t know how Annie didn’t know that Alex was a cop in the 7 months that they dated but okay.

Poor Jan de Bont. Between this film and THE HAUNTING, they pretty much ruined his career as a director.

Once again when I think about fast moving vehicles to set a SPEED sequel, it should definitely be in a very slow moving boat.

Willem Dafoe is Norman Osbourne in SPEED 2.

OMG the shaky camera work in this scene is nauseating 🤢

Annie is really drunk in this scene. Honestly, I don’t blame her. If I were her, I’d get drunk just to get through this film as well.

Ahhh… Why is Willem Dafoe carrying around leaches in jars?

OMG I didn’t Kimmy Robertson from TWIN PEAKS was this sequel?! There’s something good about this film after all!

I’m really impressed that this luxury liner was able to afford a band who was pretty big as UB40 was at the time.

Man, Willem Dafoe’s hair in this film so epic.

Yes! Temuera Morrison is in this film. He’s always the best part no matter what film he is in.

Annie & Alex are watching Kubrick’s LOLITA in their cabin. It always make me giggle when a bad film has its characters watch an actual good film in it lol.

You know I expected a lot of things in SPEED 2 but I didn’t expect there would be a scene where Willem Dafoe would covering himself with leeches in it.

Geez. I don’t remember Annie being neurotic here as she was I the first film.

As far as I’m concerned when it comes to playing bad guys, over-the-top villainous Dafoe is better subtle villainous Dafoe.

Oh, geez, Annie! Stop thinking about yourself how your vacation is ruined and start thinking about the life threatening situation you’re in!

I’m surprised that they’re is a Scottish crew member on the ship and the filmmaker didn’t force him to start shouting, “I can’t do it, Captain! I don’t have the power!”

Yep. Between this film and THE NET, Sandra Bullock should stay away from films that have evil computer hackers in them.

Wow… This film is so fast paced. I’m really intense right now *Yawn*.

This film came out the same year as TITANIC in 1997. Who would have thought that this would end up being a real disaster than that one.

“I’m LAPD” “What’s that?!” Seriously?! You don’t know what the LAPD is?! Even my young niece and nephew know what they means.

Yeah, Willem Dafoe is having way too much fun in this film.

OMG can someone keep the camera still please! This is annoying!

Geez, these parents are pretty awful for not going to look for their daughter after the ship was called to be evacuated.

“That was odd” Funny that was the same reaction I had after watching this film.

It’s amazing that despite being a cop, Alex knows exactly everything about how a boat works.

Ahhh… I know that everyone is taking off their clothes so they can block the vents but… Yeah… This is just weird.

I’m not going to lie. If Annie said ‘Groovy’ when she grabbed that chainsaw, I would have given this film 5 stars.

It’s weird. Jason Patric is arguably a better actor than Keanu Reeves, but yet Reeves is far more charismatic and relatable.

I like how that is just taking photographs for no apparent reason while Annie is cutting down that door.

Hmmm… I don’t know about anyone else, but it doesn’t sit well with me that Alex has more to do in this film than Annie does. She’s suppose to be the lead, right?

Man, some of the dialogue in this film is hilariously bad lol.

Geez, it can’t be that hard to take down Willem Dafoe. He’s the only person who’s taken ove this ship.

Yep! No one can do a creepy laugh as well as Willem Dafoe.

I wonder which ‘90s film that Temuera Morrison was embarrassed to be in? BARB WIRE or this.

It’s has to say something when I care more about the bottles of win that’s being destroyed in the background than I do the characters.

What in earth? It was still just literally night time 5 minutes ago and now it’s already daytime!

Wow… The boat is very slowly getting closer than a port miles and miles away. This is intense, y’all.

Wait… Did the ship just let out a dinosaur roar?!

Oh, man. That CGI rope looks so bad.

Yeah… Despite being the lead, Annie is pretty much useless in this film.

Man, the suspense is killing me. It’s going to take a least 5 more days before the ship hits that port.

Oh, man. Sandra Bullock just let our the most unenthusiastic reading of ‘Oww’ that I’ve ever heard.

Why is that hot still taking photos?! It doesn’t make any sense!

Man, this is one of the most thrilling action sequences I’ve ever seen… *Yawn*

Oh, man. That boat is about 3 days out from hitting that port now.

I just realised that this year marks the 20th anniversary of SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL. So… Yeah?

I don’t know why, but this big action set piece in SPEED 2 reminds me of this scene from AUSTIN POWERS.

I like how those underwater divers managed to get out of the way of the ship.

Oh, the humanity! Those boats had one day left until their retirements!

Oh, hai doggie!

Okay I will admit, this scene with ship crashing into the port is actually kind of cool.

Wait… That giant bottle of wine actually had wine in it?!

I like how they shoot some parts of this scene in slow motion even thought the boat is going as slow as hell anyway lol.

Man… This scene definitely cost a lot of money.

Hey, Glenn Plummer! Nice to see back to reprise his role from the first film is a quick cameo.

“Annie! Stay with me! You’re my hostage!” Okay, I gotta admit. That line was funny.

Okay… How did Annie and Grieger get in that seaplane?!

See Willem Dafoe! This is why you should keep your eyes focused while flying a plane.

Annie, are you okay?! Are you okay?! Are you okay, Annie?!

Wait, hold the phone! Did I just see a cow go flying through the air when that oil tanker exploded?!

Geez, I wonder if Annie & Alex realise that they just caused a eco-disaster with that oil tanker blowing up.

Well.. That’s the most awkward marriage proposal ever.

Yep. No matter where see goes on either on the road or on the sea, Annie brings back everywhere she goes.

Also what the hell happened to UB40? I hope they survived the boat crash in the end.

So that’s the end of the film. Instead of SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL, this sequel should have been accurately titled SPEED 2: AUTO PILOT ‘cause that’s what it felt like watching everyone in this film.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 54th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in December for my special Christmas themed 55th edition, which could one of the following three bad Christmas films: CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS, JACK FROST (1997) or SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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