Hey everyone! Welcome to the 49th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 51st instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… PLANET OF THE APES (2001)! Is this one of the most disappointing remakes of all time? Did anyone really that Mark Wahlberg could dethrone Charlton Heston’s legendary performance in the original 1968 film? Read on and find out! Enjoy!
Bede @BedeJermyn
I know I’ve said this a million times before but I’m going to say it again, is it too late for me to *not* watch this film? #PlanetApes2001
Ahh, the remake of PLANET OF THE APES: the film that singled the downfall of director Tim Burton for most film fans. #PlanetApes2001
Yeah, when I think of actors who would be a good replacement for Charlton Heston in a APES remake, Mark Wahlberg is first one I think of. #PlanetApes2001
Don’t get me wrong, I like Wahlberg as much as the next person. He’s just no Heston though. #PlanetApes2001
I don’t know about anyone else, but I really dig the score that Danny Elfman did for this film. #PlanetApes2001
Space… The final frontier… Woops! Sorry, wrong sci-fi series. #PlanetApes2001
Marky Mark looks so boyish in the film. He looks about at least 5 years old. #PlanetApes2001
Hey! There’s the boss from the Nerd Herd in CHUCK! #PlanetApes2001
*Sigh*… I miss model space ships and stations in films. #PlanetApes2001
You would think for people being on a space station, some of the crew would know the difference between an ape and a monkey #PlanetApes2001
Star Trek: Deep Space Primate… Okay, that pun was awful. I apologise for that. #PlanetApes2001
I guess that chimp won’t have to worry about the… Primate directive. Okay, I promise I’ll stop with the puns now. #PlanetApes2001
Man, Andy Serkis’ mocap performance as Mark Wahlberg is absolutely astonishing. It might be his best work yet as an actor. #PlanetApes2001
“Never send a monkey to do a man’s job” So… Why are you going than, Mark? #PlanetApes2001
Don’t worry, guys. If Wahlberg can survive THE HAPPENING, he’ll survive this crash landing. #PlanetApes2001
Kris Kristofferson or a wild unkempt Nick Nolte? I’ll let you decide that one. #PlanetApes2001
I like how the Apes just grab people and just throw them into sacks. It’s hilarious! #PlanetApes2001
Funny enough the humans aren’t actually running away from the apes, they’re running away ’cause saw a screening of this film #PlanetApes2001
An Ape just did a variation of the original film’s most famous quotes. This film is going to be full of these callbacks, isn’t it? #PlanetApes2001
Oh, yeah! Tim Roth has arrived! His villainous character Thade is the best part of this whole film. #PlanetApes2001
Nice to see that they still have basketball in this ape society. #PlanetApes2001
Is it just me or does Helena Bonham Carter’s ape make up makes her look more like Michael Jackson than an ape? #PlanetApes2001
Ahhh… Did Paul Giamatti just orgasm?! He looked like he did. #PlanetApes2001
You know for someone who’s suppose to be a dirty wild human, Estella Warren is done up to look like a supermodel. #PlanetApes2001
Remember when Estella Warren was a thing back in the early ‘00s? Yeah, me neither. #PlanetApes2001
That awkward moment when Burton’s ex-girlfriend and his next girlfriend share the same scene together. #PlanetApes2001
Even though this film isn’t good at all, Rick Baker’s make up work here is pretty fantastic. #PlanetApes2001
You know someone who wants humans to be free, I think it’s a bit hypocritical that Ari owns some as well. #PlanetApes2001
Tim Roth is enjoying this role way too much. #PlanetApes2001
I like how every time the Apes just jump around, it looks like they’re flying. #PlanetApes2001
“Were you sure you weren’t dreaming this?” Umm, I’m pretty sure they weren’t due to the fact there’s a big crash site right here #PlanetApes2001
“You smell that?” Yep, that’s the stench of this film. #PlanetApes2001
Wait a minute, were those Apes getting high? #PlanetApes2001
Ahhh… Were those two apes about to have sex?! This is disturbing! #PlanetApes2001
Why do all these wild humans have perfect hair? This doesn’t make any sense. #PlanetApes2001
*Sigh*… I miss Michael Clarke Duncan. #PlanetApes2001
“Hi, I’m Marky Mark and I talk to the apes. Say hi to you’re mother for me.” #PlanetApes2001
“Apes are afraid of water. We’ll drown” “That’s why we pray for rain” I gotta admit, that line was pretty funny. #PlanetApes2001
So… Mark turned down OCEAN’S ELEVEN so he could star in this film instead? Yeah… #PlanetApes2001
Okay, I gotta admit this too. After Tim Roth, Paul Giamatti is the second best part of this film. #PlanetApes2001
I don’t know about anyone else, it still shocks me to this day that the make up in this film didn’t get an Oscar nod. #PlanetApes2001
Yep, it wouldn’t be a remake of PLANET OF THE APES if original star Charlton Heston didn’t have a cameo in it. #PlanetApes2001
“We were the slaves, humans were the masters” “Impossible” “It’s true! He saw it in RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES!” #PlanetApes2001
Okay, we got one more callback to another famous quote from the original film. I hope that’s it for now. #PlanetApes2001
That’s interesting. Caesar doesn’t get a mention at all in this film. #PlanetApes2001
Ahhh… Where did Mark get that flare gun from?! #PlanetApes2001
Wait, did they just CGI Michael Duncan’s month when he roared?! #PlanetApes2001
Okay, Thade. You can stop spazzing out now, man. #PlanetApes2001
Oh, no! The ship that Mark was looking had crashed landed in the planet thousands of years ago. What a shock. Not. #PlanetApes2001
Ahhhh… How did all those wild humans know exactly where to find Mark and the others? #PlanetApes2001
Wow… The actor who plays Estella’s younger brother has finally said his first line throughout this entire film. #PlanetApes2001
Yeah… Thade is starting to creep me out big time. #PlanetApes2001
You know what my onenof my biggest problems with this film is among other films? It doesn’t *feel* like a Tim Burton film. #PlanetApes2001
Oh, geez. Estelle’s young brother is going one of those type of annoying characters, isn’t he? #PlanetApes2001
Yep, just as I figured. The young brother is totally useless. #PlanetApes2001
Damn! Those apes got blown the hell away. They’re now… Wait for it… Damn crispy apes… I’m sorry. I’ll leave now. #PlanetApes2001
I don’t know why the apes would need horses if they can run faster than they do. #PlanetApes2001
I like how when the apes punch people, they literally send them flying into the air. #PlanetApes2001
Well, that was a pretty one sided fight between Krull and Attar. Kind of anticlimactic really. #PlanetApes2001
Well, a space pod that has that chimp has saved the day. I guess you can say it’s a dues ex maCHIMPa. Okay, I’ll stop now. #PlanetApes2001
Excuse me! But there is only true ape god and his name is Caesar thank you very much. #PlanetApes2001
They’re not monkeys, they’re apes, Mark. How many times do I have to tell you over and over. Grrrr. #PlanetApes2001
Ah, yeah, Thade. That’s not how you hold a gun properly. #PlanetApes2001
I swear the way that Tim Roth plays Thade feels like he would be better suited in horror film than an APES film. #PlanetApes2001
Yep! You know the bad guy is defeated when he hides scared under a table. #PlanetApes2001
Ahhh… Attar. Why you mourning Krull? You brutally murdered him with your own two hands, remember? #PlanetApes2001
Mark just kissed Ari! Ewwww!!!Bestiality!!!!! #PlanetApes2001
It’s amazing that after that pretty epic battle, Estella Warren still looks like a supermodel. #PlanetApes2001
Mark just made out with both an ape and a human. Who does he think he is? Captain Kirk? #PlanetApes2001
Yeah… Mark I have a feeling that you should stay away from space clouds that can do time travel. #PlanetApes2001
Here we are, everyone. We’ve come to the part that to this day still doesn’t make any sense whatsoever: the ending. #PlanetApes2001
There’s no doubt that this one of the dumbest twist endings of all time. It really doesn’t make any sense. #PlanetApes2001
Seriously if you can’t beat the original’s legendary twist ending, don’t even try. It ain’t going to work. #PlanetApes2001
Well, that’s the end of the film. If you want to see a good reboot of the series, just watch RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. #PlanetApes2001
I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 52nd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late October for my special Halloween themed 53rd edition, which could one of the following three bad horror films: BOO! A MADEA HALLOWEEN, DREAMCATCHER and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET PART 2: FREDDY’S REVENGE. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!
– Bede Jermyn
