Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #42: The NeverEnding Story III – Escape From Fantasia

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 42nd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Sorry for the slight latness on this edition. I was pretty busy the last few weeks of November and I didn’t get a chance to post it until now. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad horror movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 42nd instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… THE NEVERENDING STORY III: ESCAPE FROM FANTASIA! Is this truly one of the orst sequels of all time?! Did the filmmakers even bother watching the previous films in preparation for this one?! Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this is bunch of times before but I’m saying it again. Is it too late for me to *not* watch this film?

My God. Early ’90s CGI effects. Seriously, this opening credits sequence looks incredibly bad.

Hey Santa Claus! Oh, wait. That’s not him. My mistake.

You know based on this ice set, I’m expecting Arnold Schwarzenegger to show up as Mr. Freeze and start saying ice puns.

Our hero Bastian everyone. This time he’s played by… The kid from FREE WILLY?!

Oh, hi Jack Black! I suppose GULLIVER’S TRAVELS wasn’t the only complete abomination that you were involved in.

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Why does Bastian look like a young Corey Haim in this film? Seriously, he looks exactly like him.

I don’t think Bastian is running away from those bullies, I think he’s running to get away from this film.

“Mr. Coreander, do you remember me?” “Well, I wished I did but we’ve both been recast since the last film”.

Bastian Balthazar Bux. What a ridiculous name. Bastian’ parents must really hate him to give a name like that.

Geez, even the book of THE NEVERENDING STORY itself have been recast since the last film as well. It looks so different

Yeah, you know that this is a film ’cause Bastian’s Dad wouldn’t be married to a really attractive woman like that in real life.

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Geez, that’s a pretty gigantic golfing trophy that pulled out of that moving van. It’s even bigger than Bastian.

Seal’s song “Kiss From A Rose” is playing on Bastian’s stepsister Nicole’s Walkman… What a second…

So that means that the song was a film a year BEFORE it made it big with BATMAN FOREVER?! My God!

Well, thank God for Seal that people remember the song from BATMAN FOREVER than they do with this piece of crap.

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“Why bother. You’re going to get divorced again” Nice words of encouragement on your Mum’s new marriage, Nicole.

I’m starting to think I’m not going to like Nicole in this film. Not one bit.

Yeah, filmmakers. You’re doing a good of me for not making me like Nicole so far in this film.

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I’m sorry but you can’t have a scene that tries to make us feel sympathy to Nicole when she was a jerk 5 seconds ago.

Why do I think the feeling that the actress playing Bastian’s stepmum is channelling Glenn Headley in this film?

Man, the way that this film uses songs in certain scenes is so awkwardly done and out-of-place.

Thanks movie! Not only did you have to ruin Seal, you had ruin Roxette by including one of their songs here as well. Seriously, thanks you jerks!

That being said, Roxette are the best ’80s/’90s pop/rock group ever. Nuff said.

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Don’t worry, Bastian. You’re weird hairstyle will be considered *in* in a few years time.

So the Jack Black led bullies in this film are called The Nasties? REALLY?!! That’s the best name that they came up with?

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So we’ve gone from “The Nothingness” in the 1st film and “The Emptiness” in the 2nd film to… “The Nasties”… *groan*

You know have to give Bastian credit, when an adult asks if the Nasties are bullying him, he flat-out tells them, “Yes.” 

Now we’re back at the exact same moment we saw Bastian at the start. This film wasn’t doing flash forwards before LOST did them.

Okay what’s with the weird camera effects that’s going on when Bastian wants to transport into the book? It’s jarring.

Bastian, way to ruin Engywook & Urgl’s house you jerk! You better damn well fix it!

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I think the actor playing Jack Black’s right-hand man must’ve based his role on Pauly Shore ’cause he’s acting exactly like him.

I’m so sorry but I can’t stop looking at Jack Black’s unibrow in this film. It’s so distracting.

So the Nasties plan to destroy Bastian and Fantasia is by wrecking the library? That doesn’t make sense but okay.

Okay, the film has introduced a talking tree character. Brace yourselves… So many jokes about wood are coming.

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Wait! That’s Falkor?! WHAT THE HELL HAVE THEY DONE TO HIM?! He doesn’t look anything like he did in the first 2 films!

Also why did they give him the personality of Scooby Doo?! This isn’t Falkor! This is abomination!

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Wait how does Barky know about seat-belts and in-flight catering? Do have airplanes in Fantasia?!

Oh, dear God! Not only did they ruin Falkor, they’ve ruined Rock Biter too. He’s nothing like was in the other films too.

Wait, they have TV in Fantasia as well? WHAT THE FLYING F*** IS GOING ON?!!!

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Rock Biter is now singing “Born To Be Wild”. Let me repeat that: Rock Biter is SINGING “Born To Be Wild”… W. T. F!!!

Urge to kill rising…

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You know for someone that’s suppose to be called the Childlike Empress, she doesn’t look anything like a child at all.

What the hell?! Why does the Empress’s servant look like a shrivelled up penis and scrotum?! He’s makeup is terrifying!

I’m sorry but I can’t take any force of evil seriously when it’s called the Nasty. That’s just stupid.

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This is weird. Bastian and everyone is inside an ice palace but there is no ice breath from anyone whatsoever.

Wait, hold the phone! How the hell does Engywook know who Arnold Schwarzenegger is?!! THIS DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!!!

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Hold on. Schwarzenegger gets a mentioned in dialogue inside an ice palace while a song from BATMAN FOREVER is played earlier in the film?

OMG… This film foreshadowed Schwarzenegger’s involvement as Mr. Freeze in BATMAN & ROBIN three years later!!! Woah!

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Yep, there still those weird arse camera zooms when Bastian tries to transport to another place.

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Just like Nicole, why do I get the feeling I’m going to hate Rock Biter Jr. as well?

“Your body is gone!” “Well, your body went years ago!” Whoa! That’s a nasty thing to say to your wife, Engywook.

Ahhh… Did Engywook just step on a piece of poo? If it’s not, it sure does look like it though.

Yeah, the actress playing the Childlike Empress clearly doesn’t know how to emote at all.

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Bastian, don’t listen to the Empress and just go ahead create a new Fantasia ’cause seriously the one in this sequel really sucks!

All those kids leaning up to that fence aren’t there watching a basketball game, they’re actually trying to escape this film.

So Barky has been been to the human world but he knows what Green Peace and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE are? Rrriiiggghhhttt…

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How did Junior get to Mount Rushmore?! On second though, I don’t need to know. This film is awful enough as it is.

It’s weird that Bastian’s Dad looks more older enough to be his grandfather than be his actual father.

“Dad, everything sucks” Funny enough, that’s the 1st thought everyone had after watching this film.

Yeah, there’s no real reason at all why Nicole is being bitchy towards Bastian. There just isn’t.

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So the Nasties’ hideout is an actual hole-in-the-wall behind a giant garbage bin? Makes sense.

Why were all the Fantasia characters were transported to different parts of the US when they came to Earth? Makes no sense.

Falcor thinks all those dragons at the Chinese New Year parade are real. Man, he gets more stupid as the film goes on.

Man, we’ve gone from a wise dignified Falkor in the first two films to a bumbling idiot in this third one. *sigh*

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Engywook & Urgl were transported to Alaska for some reason. Seriously don’t even ask.

Why does Rock Biter’s wife sound like she has a Jamaican accent?

Wait a second. How does Engywook & Urgl know Bastian’s home address?! My God, this movie. Serioudly, this bloody movie.

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Okay for some bizarre reason, Junior is acting like a crazy person in Bastian’s kitchen. I know he’s a baby but still

You know what’s funny? You would think that with a Luck Dragon flying around, someone would notice him but nope.

Once again, Nicole continues to be a massive jerk.

I find it really weird that the Rock Biters are wearing clothes that are actually made out of stone.

What’s the deal with this weird looking rabbit that keeps showing up only to get abused by everyone? It’s bizarre.

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So the Rock Biters know what hockey pucks are? Seriously, what the hell? 

Is it just me or does Nicole’s teacher look like Margaret Thatcher? ‘Cause she totally does.

It’s official: The Nasties are like some of the most least-intimidating bad guys of all time.

Seriously all of Bastian’s problems would be over if he just went up and slapped the crap out of Jack Black.

I like how those delivery men don’t seem that freaked out by Barky. They seem pretty casual about it.

While the film explains how Barky knows Bastian’s address but it still doesn’t explain how he knows what a phone book is.

Really, Bastian? The best explanation you could come up with why Engywook & Urgl are in that package was that is was a parrot?

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Wait, so it was Chinese New Year the day before and now it’s Halloween in Bastian’s town?! Seriously my head is hurting.

Oh, for crying out loud. Barky knows what Kmart is as well? Seriously, how do these characters know these things?!

Yep, it wouldn’t be a film from the ’90s there wasn’t a shopping montage at the mall in it.

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Oh, dear God. They ruined Childlike Empress’s dignity too. Why? Cause she wishes she was clothes shopping too. Ugh.

Once again, the use of songs in this film feels so out of place.

Hey mate! Pauly Shore called and he wants he’s act back!

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Yeah, I think the word Auryn has been said way too many times in this film.

Yeah, that Nasties’ member should have broken her legs when she made that jump to the bottom level but nope. She’s fine.

Wait, how can on earth can the Nasties see the Empress when they don’t have anything to see her with? Man, this film.

I don’t know what the budget for this film was but seriously think that it only cost about $100 give or take.

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So everyone is infected with the Nasty? So this film has basically been turned into the  family friendly version of 28 DAYS LATER. 

Yeah, this film would 10 times better if Arnold Schwarzenegger showed up and started spouting ice puns. In fact I welcome it. 

Oh, dear God! Not Dutch angles! I’m having acid flashbacks to BATTLEFIELD EARTH again!

Okay, the film has decided to get really serious all of a sudden. It feels out of the tone with the rest of the film.

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Here we go. The film has finally given Nicole a big emotional scene so that we can feel sorry for her. Nope! Not working!

Yeah, it’s very clear to me now that real star of this film is Jack Black’s massive caterpillar-like unibrow.

Yeah, I’m sorry, Nicole. You’re still not winning my sympathy.

What is Junior’s obsession with getting everyone to give him a kiss? It’s really weird and kind of unsettling

Now for some bizarre reason, the Childlike Empress and her servants are being attacked by giant prawns… Okay.

Jack Black is having way too much fun playing the villain.

I seriously have no idea what’s going on right now. This is just like… Whatttt…

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Bastian and Jack Black are now having a martial arts fight. Seriously, I’m not making any of this crap up!

“They see Falkor and they run for their lives” Yeah, mainly because of how bloody awful the character design is.

Yep. Junior really, and I mean really, likes to kiss people. I’m disturbed.

Seriously, couldn’t the film have come with a better effects for the transportation scenes than this? They’re so lazy and cheap!

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Can someone explain to me how the Nasties were able to manipulate everything that happened in both Fantasia and Earth? ‘Cause honestly I still have no clue.

As much as I love Jim Henson’s Creature shop, their work in this film has some of the worst puppets that I’ve ever seen from them.

It’s cool everything is back to normal and all but why are the Nasties dressed up as bunch of nerds now? I’m confused.

I don’t know. I don’t really like the idea of Bastian wishing that the Nasties’s different personalities. It seems kind of morally wrong.

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You know Mr. Coreander if you don’t anyone to steal the book, maybe you should put it under lock and key in a vault somewhere.

I like how the last scene between Bastian and Nicole is them jumping in the air and doing a high five. That’s so ’90s.

“Now this is my favourite part of the story” Its mine too, Falkor. You know why? ‘Cause that means the film is over!

OH, DEAR GOD! They’re playing the scene where Rock Biter is singing “Born To Be Wild” again! HAVEN’T WE ALL SUFFERED ENOUGH?!

Seriously you could have play the classic “The NeverEnding Story” theme song again but nnnnooo! WE GET THIS INSTEAD! BOOOO!

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I forgot to mentioned this film was directed by the guy who directed RAMBO III. Seriously, I’m not joking.

You know it doesn’t surprise me the man who directed the worst RAMBO film made the worst NEVERENDING STORY film.

Well, that’s the end of the film. Unlike the previous ones, this 3rd one actually lived up to its title ’cause I thought it would never end. 

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 42nd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in December for my special Christmas themed 43rd edition, which could one of the following three bad Christmas films: BLACK CHRISTMAS (2006), CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS or A MADEA CHRISTMAS. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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