Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #38: Basic Instinct 2

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 38th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Sorry for the lateness once again with the article again. I got caught up with a lot of stuff to do in July and I didn’t get a chance to write up the article until now. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… BASIC INSTINCT 2! Did the world really need a sequel to the ’90s erotic thriller BASIC INSTINCT 2? Was Sharon Stone only in this so she could stay relevant? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve already said this a million times before but I’m going to say again, is it too late to *not* watch this film?

Even though I don’t speak Lion, I’m assuming that the MGM Lion is warning me to turn this film off before it’s too late.

I see a light in the darkness. Somehow I don’t think it’s a good one.

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Wait, Sharon Stone’s licence plats read DIII CAT?… Okay.

Man, between this film and CATWOMAN back-to-back, Sharon Stone was not having a very good 2004-2006 in her career

Charlotte Rampling?! David Thewlis?!! Hugh Dancy?! You’re all acclaimed actors! What are all doing this trashy sequel?!

Ah, Yeah. I don’t think it’s a good idea for someone to ‘pleasure’ you while your driving a million miles an hour, Sharon.

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See, Sharon? If you paid close attention instead of bonking, you and your boyfriend wouldn’t have drove into that river

I know that Sharon wanted her boyfriend to get her really wet, but I don’t think this is was what she was referring to.

You know what’s funny? Who would have thought that the only person’a career to be destroyed by this film was the director.

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Hi, David Thewlis and your really creepy moustache.

“Kevin was definitely breathing when we went off the road” “How do you know?” “He was making me…” TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

“You don’t seem upset by what’s happened?” Well, it’s not Sharon Stone’s fault if she can’t emote, David Thewlis. Jerk.

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*Gasp* Thewlis just called Sharon the *C* word! You can’t say that in movies! This is outrageous!

The Governor! Whoops! I meant David Morrisey! Sorry.

I’m not a shrink but I’m just going to do Morrisey’s work for him: she’s a insane murdering psychopah. Case closed. Roll credits.

Nothing against David Morrisey, but he just seems like a step down for a male lead in a film like this after Michael Douglas

Yeah… I don’t think ‘risk addiction’ sounds like a real thing.

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I have to say that Hugh Dancy’s green scarf in this film is pretty epic.

Oh, Charlotte Rampling. Why are you here? You’re a great actress. Did you really need money that bad?

OMG This speaker at this party may have the weirdest hairdo I have ever seen in a film. It’s hilariously bad!

Oh, man. Even this reporter Morrisey is talking to has weird hair too. Why does everyone in this film have awful hair?!

Morrisey must be making a million dollars a day as a shrink to afford to have an office both that huge and fancy looking.

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Why do I get the feeling that most of this film is going contain more boring therapist sessions than sex scenes?

Oh, man. These therapy sessions are bbbboooorrrriiiinnnngggg…

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Zzzzzzz… Zzzzzzz… Zzzzzzz…

Please wake me when these boring therapy sessions are over.

There you go, ladies and gentlemen. The only reference you’ll get to Michael Douglas’s character in this film.

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Why couldn’t Charlotte Rampling have been the co-lead in this film? She’s far more interesting than David Morrisey.

Seriously, Stone & Rampling have more sexual chemistry together than Stone does with Morrisey.

I don’t know why Sharon Stone has a cigarette light that looks like the Big Ben. I just don’t know.

“I know some people who play tennis with their shrinks?” By tennis, she means ‘having sex’.

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Finally! 40 minutes into the film, a sex scene has finally happened and it’s… Dull.. Not surprising at all.

Huge Dancy has just been found murdered. *Sigh* Oh, Dancy. Such a talented actor, so wasted in this film.

Can someone please tell why David Thewis is such a tool in this film? He’s character has to real motivation to be one.

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I don’t know if it’s just me, but I swear that David Morrisey’s face has not moved a single inch in this entire film so far.

You know for a film that’s suppose to be a erotic thriller, this sequel is neither erotic nor thrilling.

Zzzzz… Zzzzz… Anything happening yet? No? Okay… Zzzzz… Zzzzz…

I don’t know why this film is setting up a mystery when we already know what the answer is. It just seems pointless.

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Yeah, this film really needed the direction of Paul Verhoeven. Michael Caton-Jones’s style is just so bland and dull.

No joke I think there needs to be a spinoff film that just focuses only on Dr. Gerst’s hair. It’s just so… Magical.

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Oh, man. This film has been playing for only an hour and feels like it has been going on forrrreeeevvvveeeerrrr! Gah!!!

This film contains some of the most boring unsexy sex scenes I have ever seen in a film since BOLERO. Yeah, there that dull.

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This proves that nobody how crappy a film is, Charlotte Rampling always livens things whenever she appears.

Holy crap! I didn’t realise that Morrisey’s onscreen ex-wife is Indira Varma, who plays ‘Ellaria Sand’ in GAME OF THRONES o_O 

And now she’s dead too. Geez, I wonder who killed her too? My money is on that it was a giant caterpillar.

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Oh, for crying out loud, Stone & Morrisey. Just bonk already so this crappy film can be over!

Wait, why did Morissey changed his suit before going over to Stone’s place after leaving the police station? What’s the point of that?

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Finally! Stone & Morrisey are bonking! That’s means the film is over! Woo hoo!

Wait… The film is still GOING?! NOOOOOO!!!

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OMG why are they still going on about this murder mystery?! We already know that Stone did it ’cause it’s so bloody obvious!

So there’s a new development in the mystery. Thewis may be killer ’cause he’s a dirty cop. Yeah, that’s who the killer is *Rolls eyes* 

You know this sequel would have been a 100 times better and more fun if they just made it more trashy instead of dull.

I don’t know how you can make a BASIC INSTINCT film that isn’t remotely sleazy or trashy is beyond me.

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I’m sorry Thewlis I couldn’t understand what you just over your constant mumbling.

I like how in a sequel that doesn’t feature the main character from the previous instalment, gets talked about a LOT in it.

Ahh… Why does Sharon Stone’s bathrobe look like it’s made out of a garbage bag? Seriously, it looks like it does.

You know for someone who’s ex-wife is murdered, Morrisey doesn’t seem that torn up about it.

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Yeah, Davis Morrisey! You smash that possibly expensive painting that you own!

You know someone who’s trying to save his friend, Morrisey picked the slowest possible taxi to get to there.

So… Stone is trying to set up Morrisey. That would be really thrilling twist if I wasn’t so bored.

Wait, there’s more twists in the plot. All of these would make M. Night Shyamalan green with envy.

Geez, Thewis. You didn’t bother to put effort into your death scene.

Well… That scream that Morrisey gave was pretty hilariously cringe worthy.

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Oh, geez. Morrisey is now a patient in a insane asylum. Man, this film.

Oh, wait. There’s another twist. Wow. I totally did not see that coming. *Yawn*

Sharon don’t try to play mind games. We all know you’re a serial killer. You’re not fooling anyone.

Well, that’s the end of the film. My advice: sick to the first film. At least that one was a fun. This sequel is just a bore

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 37th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out later in August for my 39th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: CATWOMAN, FANTASTIC FOUR (2015) or SPAWN. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon. Also a keep a look out for a very special one-off edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, which I’ll be watching and live-tweeting… SHARNADO 4: THE 4TH AWAKENS!

– Bede Jermyn

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