Hey everyone! Welcome to the 36th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. If you remember from last month, I decided for this edition of the series that I wasn’t going to you guys decide which bad film I was going to watch. Why was that you ask? ‘Cause this month actually marked the 3rd anniversary of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon column. So I thought that to celebrate this special occasion, instead of asking you readers to pick which bad film I should watch and live-tweet, I would instead pick the film myself. So which bad film have I chosen for the 36th/3rd anniversary edition of the article? I’m going to be doing it on the highly anticipated but ultimately very disappointing prequel to the ALIEN series: PROMETHEUS. Is this one of the dumbest blockbusters of all time? Does it actually make ALIEN: RESURRECTION look not so bad by comparison? Read on and find out! Enjoy!
Bede @BedeJermyn
I know I’ve said this many times before and I’ll say it again: is it too late for me *not* to watch this film? #Prometheus
I have to say that despite many, many, MANY problems, it is still a pretty visually stunning film. I can’t flair it for that. #Prometheus
If this is co-written by Damn Lindelof, the means that the film will ask a lot of questions and give us no answers as all. #Prometheus
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there is giant frisbee floating above that waterfall. #Prometheus
Is it just me or do the alien creatures the Engineers look kind of look like Mark Strong? ‘Cause seriously they do! #Prometheus
Ahh… Yeah… I don’t think it was a good idea to drink that goo, Mr. Engineer. #Prometheus
The way that the Engineer convulses and fall Sparta is exactly I felt after I watched this film for the first time. #Prometheus
So… The film is making the statement that the creation of all mankind came from… That Engineer? #Prometheus
Hey! It’s the original and best Lisbeth Salander herself Noomi Rapace and Tom Hardy’s clone Logan Marshall-Green. #Prometheus
Ahh, Noomi. Are sure those cave paintings are an invitation from the Engineers? I think you need to be a bit sure first #Prometheus
Oh, hi Michael Fassbender! You know when someone is a great actor when they give better performance than the film deserves #Prometheus
Ahh… Why is Fassbender looking into Noomi’s dreams? There’s something very creepy about that. #Prometheus
Ladies and gentleman, Patrick Wilson starring in the most pointless role as Noomi’s Dad in a dream sequence. So pointless. #Prometheus
These scenes of Fassbender hanging around and doing stuff on the ship is the only time that this film ever feels like ALIEN. #Prometheus
You know what the worst sin that a bad film can do? Having a character watch an actual great film in it like David is doing now #Prometheus
Geez, David must be really bored on the ship if he actually dyes his hair to look like Peter O’Toole’s in LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. #Prometheus
I don’t know why Charlize Theron is sweating massively a lot while doing push-ups and wearing clothes. I just don’t know. #Prometheus
You know what’s funny? Despite this being set a prequel to ALIEN, all the technology in this film is way more advanced than one #Prometheus
I find it very hard to believe that Charlize Theron’s character Vickers doesn’t know what a Christmas Tree is. #Prometheus
Guy Pearce?! Oh, my God. What did you do to you?! You’re make up is terrible! #Prometheus
Did thy model Guy Pearce’s make up on Mr. Burns from THE SIMPSONS? ‘Cause that who he looks like! #Prometheus
Oh, geez. Mr. Weyland. You didn’t have to rub salt into the wound that David isn’t a human. #Prometheus
I like that there is a hologram machine that looks like a Rubik’s Cube. #Prometheus
Wait, the planet is called LV-223 and not LV-426? That means that is not the same planet from ALIEN! WTF, movie!!! #Prometheus
I don’t get it. Why would anyone sign up to a mission if they didn’t know what the mission even was? It doesn’t make sense! #Prometheus
So the only proof that Shaw has that the Engineers created us, is that she believe they did? That’s a bit of a leap but okay. #Prometheus
Why would Vickers have a piano in her quarters on the ship? I’m pretty damn sure that she didn’t need it for this trip. #Prometheus
Geez, Holloway is such a jerk to David. He must be a robocist. #Prometheus
Seriously what is the point of making a prequel to ALIEN when you’re not even setting it on the same bloody planet as that one! #Prometheus
Yep, it wouldn’t be a film in the ALIEN series if someone wasn’t carrying around a flame thrower. #Prometheus
I don’t get why Holloway is such a jerk to David. It’s not like David has done anything bad to him during this film so far. #Prometheus
“I can’t tell if you it’s natural or not, but I can tell you… It’s hollow” Just like the script #Prometheus
Huh, huh. Mapping balls. #Prometheus
Oh, Holloway. Even if you find out if that structure has breathable air, it’s probably a good idea to leave your helmet on dummy #Prometheus
Idris Elba. The smoothest space ship captain in the galaxy. #Prometheus
Geez, Fifield & Millburn are pussies. You’re both about to discover one of the greatest finds in history and you run off scared #Prometheus
Oh, for crying out loud, David! STOP! PRESSING! BUTTONS! #Prometheus
Well, since we haven’t seen an actual proper Xenomorph yet, that mural on the wall is close as we getting one in this film. #Prometheus
Clearly it’s just there to give a little pointless fan service to the ALIEN fans. #Prometheus
Clearly this intense sequence with the storm was added in so something thrilling is happening. Well, it didn’t work. #Prometheus
How did Fifield & Millburn get lost in the structure?! It’s not they were that far from the entrance when they were exploring. #Prometheus
Plus didn’t Fifield have those map balls as well? So wouldn’t he have known how to get out anyway? Man, this is completely dumb #Prometheus
Yep, that’s right people. The head of the Space Jockey from ALIEN isn’t in fact it’s head, it was actually it’s helmet. *sigh* #Prometheus
You know for a film that has characters that are supposed to be smart scientists, every single one of them is an idiot. #Prometheus
Geez, I wonder who David is talking to in that cyro tube? I hope there isn’t pointless twist coming up later in the film. #Prometheus
Don’t worry, Charlize. You’ll soon star in an actually good reboot of a classic sci-fi series in a few years after this one. #Prometheus
What?! The Engineers have Te same DNA as human?! *Gasps*… Who cares. Where are my Xenomorphs dammit?! #Prometheus
Hmmm, I wonder who David is going to experiment with that goo on? I hope it’s not going to be Dr. Jerk-face. I mean Holloway. #Prometheus
Man, Holloway is such whiner. He finds out that aliens are creation of the human race and all he can do is mope and complain. #Prometheus
I swear if Fifield & Millburn had their own film, it would definitely be DUMB & DUMBER. #Prometheus
Geez, Idris. Your scanners are detecting a life form in the structure and you’re not going to do anything about it? Jerk. #Prometheus
Seriously, is everyone on this ship incompetent? ‘Cause it feels like they are. #Prometheus
Wait, Shaw can’t have a baby? Man, that bit of character information surely came out of nowhere, didn’t it? #Prometheus
It’s bizarre that Janek and Vickers are basically acting like teens in a ’80s slasher film in this scene #Prometheus
Speaking of ’80s slasher films, Fifield and Millburn are basically like strangers from one of those in this scene too. #Prometheus
So… Millburn is scared to go into a dark chamber but when it comes to that creature, he’s not frighted of it at all? Okay. #Prometheus
That creature looks like a cross between a cobra and a penis. WHY WOULD YOU THINK IT’S FRIENDLY, MILLBURN?! Dumb arse! #Prometheus
That long creature just went Millburn’s month. There’s some creepy sexual imagery right there. #Prometheus
I don’t know about Holloway but if I saw some worm creature pop out of my eye, I would seriously be freaking the hell out. #Prometheus
Ahh… Did that mapping ball just yelped like a puppy? That’s really creepy. #Prometheus
David has found the Space Jockey chamber. That would be awesome and all if it was actually the same one from ALIEN. *Groan* #Prometheus
Once again, David is touching buttons that we all by now he shouldn’t be touching at all. #Prometheus
You know I have to give the film credit, this scene with David looking at holograms in the chamber is actually a really great scene. #Prometheus
I know I should feel sorry that Holloway is infected with alien goo, but he’s such a jerk that’s quite I’d satisfying. #Prometheus
*Singing* This jerk is on fireeee! This jerk is on fireeeee!! #Prometheus
This is weird. David’s hair was all blonde but now he’s got white streaks in his hair. Where did that come from? #Prometheus
Wait, Shaw is pregnant?! With an alien baby?! Geez, that’s one really bad STD to get from your boyfriend. #Prometheus
Her father? Oh, right. Patrick Wilson played in that flashback. I almost forgot he was I this movie. #Prometheus
“I watched your dreams” David creepily sounds like Denny from THE ROOM when he said that line. #Prometheus
Now I know there’s a reason that the medical pod is designed for just males but still, what’s the point anyway? #Prometheus
You know for someone who’s getting their stomach opened up and operated on, Shaw is taking this surprisingly well. #Prometheus
Well, I’ve seen a lot of things in films, but I’ve never seen someone basically five birth to a squid before. #Prometheus
Look out! It’s Fifield and he has come back as a zombie! This definitely the work of the White Walkers! #Prometheus
You definitely know you’ve had a bad day when after you’ve turned into a zombie, you get shot, run over and then set on fire. #Prometheus
Wait, Mr. Wetland is alive?! And he’s on the ship?! *Yawn* Please everyone figured out that test was coming an hour ago. #Prometheus
I’m still trying to figure out the point of why they cast Guy Pearce as Weyland. Wasn’t there any actual older actors available? #Prometheus
I have to say, Idris Elba’s moustache is pretty epic. #Prometheus
Finally! Janek is actually acting like a smart captain for once. #Prometheus
Why do all those little statues in Weyland’s room look like BAFTA awards? #Prometheus
Wait, Weyland is actually Vickers father? That is the most… Pointless and out-of-nowhere revelation in the history of cinema. #Prometheus
You know what’s even more funny? It’s brought up EVER again. This film drops more subplots than THE ROOM. #Prometheus
Man, I’ve a lot of dumb films in my time, but this film is one that you can actually feel how dumb it is as it goes along. #Prometheus
OMG that Engineer just ripped off David’s head! I guess he’ll never be the *head* of a major corporation haha… I’m so sorry. #Prometheus
Yeah, it’s pretty clear now that Mr. Weyland’s plan to talk to the Engineers probably wasn’t the best idea ever. #Prometheus
You know for someone who only has staples holding their stomach together, Shaw can jump and run around with complete ease #Prometheus
No, Janek! No! You and your ship only one day left until retirement! #Prometheus
Ahh, Shaw and Vickers. Shouldn’t you be running sideways to get away from the Engineers’ ship? It might actually help! #Prometheus
See Vickers! If just ran in a different direction, you wouldn’t have been squashed by the ship. Dumb arse. #Prometheus
You know this film has brought up a lot of questions and it hasn’t even bothered to even answer any of them. #Prometheus
Look out, Shaw! There’s a tentacle puppet behind that door! #Prometheus
Man, it’s a good thing that the giant vagina looking squid looking stopped that Engineer from killing Shaw. #Prometheus
Wait, a second. Shaw is outside and her space suit is missing her gloves? HOW IS SHE STILL ALIVE ?!!! #Prometheus
Without her gloves, she wouldn’t be able to survive the planet’s atmosphere! OMG this film is so stupid!!! My brain is hurting! #Prometheus
I like how David has a change of heart and stops being evil towards Shaw. That’s a sudden change of character. #Prometheus
Wait, so we don’t find anything in relation to what happened with the Space Jokey in ALIEN until the sequel?! This is bull crap! #Prometheus
Why even bother making a prequel that suppose to answer those questions, when you’re not even going bother answering them as all #Prometheus
Brace yourselves everyone: the film’s most pointless bit of fan service is coming! Sorry, Mr. Scott. It’s little, too late. #Prometheus
However I will say, that the design for this very early version of the Xenomorph is kind of cool and creepy. #Prometheus
That’s the end of the film. You know what more frustrating than a really dumb film? A really dumb film that *thinks* it’s smart. #Prometheus
Also why did you notice that this film has exact the plot of ALIEN VS. PREDATOR? Seriously, I’m not joking. It really does! #Prometheus
I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 36th/3rd anniversary edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in June for my 37th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: BARB WIRE. FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY and HERCULES IN NEW YORK. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!
– Bede Jermyn
The Super Network 