Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #34: Rhinestone

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 34th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. I’m sorry that this edition of the series wasn’t posted at the end of March as it was originally intended. It was suppose to but I went on holidays over Easter and as well as catching on some things when I got back, so I didn’t get a chance to post it until now. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this installment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… RHINESTONE! Was casting Sylvester Stallone as a country singer really the best idea in the world? Are Slyvester Stallone and Dolly Patron the most mismatched onscreen couple of all time? Read on and find out! Enjoy

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times before, but is it too late for me to *not* watch this film?

Yes, when I think if New York City, I totally think of it being the capital of country music.

As much as do love Dolly Parton, her music doesn’t really fit the night life of New York.

I don’t know why there is a cowboy wearing white satin sparkles on horse out front of a night club, but it was the ’80s so…

I don’t know why a giant white car just pulled up at the same club too but again, it was the ’80s so…

Wow. Looks like Dolly isn’t the only woman showing off a tonne of cleavage in this club.

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Uh, oh. Brace yourselves, people. ’80s Japanese stereotypes are coming.

How don’t know how Stallone’s character was hired as taxi driver. He’s a complete maniac behind the wheel.

Man, Dolly’s hair in this film is huge. It’s even bigger than the rest of her body.

Hey, sleaze bag! The ’70s called and they want their SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER suit back!

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I love Dolly. She’s a complete bad arse mofo.

Yeah, if I were boss of a taxi company, I would have fired Sly after 5 minutes based on his driving in this film.

Alan Arkin! Oh, wait. That’s not him. Looks like him though.

Geez, there’s a lot, and I mean A LOT, of really over-exaggerated facial expressions in this film.

So many over-exaggerated facial expressions.

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This Alan Arkin looking country singer may be the most bizarre country singer of all time.

You know how you know you’re watching a ’80s film? ‘Cause the plot invokes two people making the worst bet ever.

I don’t know what why crazy homeless guy is taping drumsticks on the road. I guess, it’s the ’80s?

Where did Sly get his driving lessons from?! GRAND THEFT AUTO 5?!

I know that Dolly’s boss is named Freddy, but I’m just going to call him sleaze bag instead.

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It’s official. When I grow up, I want to be as bad arse as Dolly Parton.

Sly Stallone is Steve Guttenberg in RHINESTONE.

OMG… Sly’s character thinks he’s a *trend setter* when it comes to fashion. Yeah… Maybe for hobos or something.

I’m trying to figure out who has the biggest hairdo in this film: Sly or Dolly. It’s hard to say, they’re both pretty big.

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What the hell kind of apartment is Freddy living in? He’s got some weird blowup dolls things on his wall!

Wait, does the letters on Freddy’s door say F U?! o_O 

I don’t think I’ve heard the word *organ* said out loud so many times in the course of 20 seconds than I have in this film.

The Extra in background behind Sly & Dolly in this scene may be the best actor in the entire film.

OMG Sly & Dolly are still taking about *organs*. This is some A grade comedy right there.

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Oh, no. Sly is singing “Tutti Fruiti” on the organ. This may be the most terrifying thing I’ve seen. 

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No… No… My ears… My poor ears… Make it stop… MAKE IT STOP!!!

Sly’s funeral parlour owning Dad looks like the Tall Man from PHANTASM. It wouldn’t surprise me if they are the same character.

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Oh, on. Brace yourselves: 80s Italian stereotypes are coming.

I like how Sly’s Mum thinks that he is complete dumb arse lol.

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Oh, man. Sly’s clothes get more and more ridiculous as the film goes along.

Most. Awkward. Handshake. Ever.

I like how all the townsfolk from Dolly’s hometown think that Sly is *dim-witted*. This is going to be a hilarious running gag.

Why is the town’s band singing a song about *too much water*?

Sly is about to sing again… No… No… NNNNNOOOOO!!!!!

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OMG Sly’s singing is so terrifying that it’s literally making dogs howl and children cry.

“That was scary, son” That may be the most accurate critique of Sly’s signing in this entire film.

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No, Sly’s singing again for a second time in this scene! AAAHHH!!!

I like how the only country song that Sly knows is “Old McDonald Had A Farm”.

“First thing a cowboy needs to learn is his horse” Cut to: a cow. Ahh… I’m pretty sure a cow is not a horse.

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OMG Sly is wearing an ugly shirt that has pictures of cameras on it.

Seriously, Sly has some of the worst t-shirts I have seen in a film.

Note to self: never call Sly a bum. That’ll upset him.

Yeah, Sly’s dress sense really doesn’t fit in with this bar at all.

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“I like my beer really foaming” Ahh, mate. There’s more foam in that glass than actual beer.

“So what’s it like to use heroin?” Wow. That’s one question I don’t think any normal human being would ever say.

Just because Sly is from the city, it doesn’t mean he knows how to use heroin. Stereotype much, cowboy?

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Sly just woke up next to a whole bunch of ducks. It could be worse: he could have woke up next to a cow.

I like how Sly pronounces music as *musak*, not music. He’s from the city, so that’s how they talk.

Oh, dear! Sly is wearing the worse outfit in the ENTIRE film. It’s hilarious lol!

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Oh, no. Sly is singing again! Why must this film keep torturing us?!!! 

I don’t know why Sly’s cowboy hat has two raccoon tails attached to it. I just don’t know.

Dolly’s ex-boyfriend kind of looks like Sam Elliott. Minus both the moustache and coolness of course.

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I don’t know how it’s possible, but Sly has more costume changes than Dolly does in this film so far. It’s bizarre.

I’m starting to believe that Matt Le Blanc based his character of “Joey” from FRIENDS on Sly’s character in this film.

You know I never thought that I’d ever say this, Dolly is more of a bad arse than Sly is in this film.

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Please Dolly. Don’t try to help Sly how to sing. It’s a loss cause.

Oh, no. I sense a forced romance between Sly & Dolly going on.

I swear Dolly’s hair has not moved an inch during this course of this film. I think it might be made of plastic.

I like how Sly is nervous to go up on stage to sing when he had npo problem singing in front of a lot of people PRIOR to this scene.

Oh, geez. Not again… Sly is singing again!!! No!!!!

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I think it’s kind of cruel that Sly & Dolly are doing a duet right now. It would be like having Mariah Carey sing with a blender

You know Dolly is the superior singer ’cause she’s basically drowning out Sly. Honestly, I have no problem with that.

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After watching Dolly be a complete total bad arse in this film, Sly should cast her in THE EXPENDABLES 4. No joke.

I will admit Sly singing has gotten better as the film has gone along but that being said, it’s still pretty terrible.

Sly sounds like a drunk every time he sings.

Awww… Sly is having a nice one-on-one time with Dolly’s Dad. Not awkward at all.

RHINESTONE, Sylvester Stallone, Dolly Parton, 1984, TM and Copyright (c)20th Century Fox Film Corp. All rights reserved.

I like there was a time in Hollywood who thought, “You know who’d make a great onscreen couple? Sly Stallone & Dolly Parton”

It totally makes perfect sense when you think about it.

This kissing scene between Sly & Dolly may be one of the most awkward scenes I’ve ever seen.

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Not only does Sly’s Mum think he’s a dummy, he’s Dad thinks he’s a total screwup. What a supportive family.

Oh, man. Sly’s character is so full of himself, that he thinks Dolly is jealous of his singing.

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Well… This is the most awkward couple fight in front of a family scene in the history of mankind.

You know what? I can sit and listen to Dolly Parton sing for hours. She’s just completely awesome.

No! Don’t call of the bet, Dolly! That means you’ll never leave that sleaze bag Freddy!

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Oh, dear God. Just when I thought Sly costumes can’t get anymore outrageous, they just keep getting more and more so.

Seriously, the one he’s about to sing with may be the most ridiculous one yet. Even more so than the one with raccoon tailed hat

OMG that sleaze bag Freddy has turned into the real life version of Quagmire from FAMILY GUY. Seriously, I’m not joking!

Red alert! Red alert! Get out of there now, Dolly! Run away!

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Oh, man. Sly is now riding on a horse to go save Dolly. No, I’m not making any of this stuff up!

What the hell type of bathrobe is Freddy? It looks bizarre.

Between Sly and Dolly’s boss Freddy, it’s like a competition to see who is the worst dressed person in this film.

You know what’s funny? The way the hecklers are acting towards Sly is exactly the same as the everyone who has watch this film.

Whoever came up with the idea for Sly to do he’s own singing in this film, was definitely on drugs when they thought of it.

I hate to say this but why didn’t get Frank Stallone to dub over Sly’s singing voice? At lest Frank can actually sing.

I honestly have no idea what Sly is saying in this song. It’s sounds like he’s mumbling through out it.

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Wow… Sly’s costume is so shiny and sparkly that it’s literally causing J.J. Abrams style lens flare on the camera.

Sly isn’t even singing the song, he’s just shouting it.

So many sparkles.

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Why must Sly keep singing?! Will this nightmare ever end?! AAAHHH! MAKE HIM STOP!!!

Well, that’s the end of the film. Thank God, Sly’s music career never took off. Luckily we were spared that absolute terror.

Also if they ever do a remake of this film, I think they should cast Jason Statham and Taylor Swift in the Sly/Dolly roles.

Can you imagine Statham and Swift dueting on this classic?

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 34th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out later in April for my special The Cannon Group themed 35th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three Cannon produced bad films: BREAKIN’ 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO, SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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