Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #31: Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 31st edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com, I said that this edition was going to be a special Christmas themed one in honour this month. I posted up poll with three bad Christmas movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken.  For this 19th edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… KIRK CAMERON’S SAVING CHRISTMAS! Is this film really THE ROOM of Christian themed films? Does Christmas actually in fact need saving from Kirk Cameron’s ego? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times before, but is too late not to watch this film? No? The things I do for my readers *sigh*

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“Welcome everyone!” No I don’t want you to welcome me Kirk Cameron!

Why is Kirk Cameron addressing us like he is hosting an infomercial?

You know what’s funny? Despite being nearly 50, Kirk Cameron looks like he’s still 12 years old.

Geez, Kirk Cameron is so wholesome that he makes Ned Flanders look rebellious by comparison

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Finally! After that awkward introduction, we’re getting to the film’s story. I think.

Ahhh… Why are we on the set of a very cheap medieval film?

I don’t now what’s going on. Kirk is narrating about stories while a guy in a Aragon cosplay is walking around a cheap set.

Yes! The credits are rolling! That means the film is over! Wait, this is opening credits?! Dammit!

This music over the opening credits sounds it was done by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Edited by… Postman Factory? What kind of name is that? Is that even a person?

I think Paul Greengrass must have directed this opening scene ’cause the camera is shaking around allo over the place.

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So Kirk’s Christmas hating brother-in-law is named Christian? Clearly there’s no subtlety here at all.

I’m starting to think that Kirk Cameron addicted to hot chocolate ’cause that’s ALL he ever talks about.

“When some see festive decorations, others see perverted symbols” To be fair, that candy cane did kind of look like a penis

Oh, man. Kirk Cameron is going to narrating through out this entire film isn’t he? Robert McKee isn’t going to like this!

Christian doesn’t like Christmas because it has become too commercial? Kirk’s not going to be happy about this

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Yeah, this DeAndre character should have been renamed Token Black Stereotype cause that’s basically all he is

Umm, why is DeAndre going on about ‘Crazy Shirt Fridays’? I’m pretty sure nobody else cares about it except him.

Wait a second, hold the phone! Did DeAndre just say ‘straight power’… I don’t know what that is but I’m disturbed to find out.

Christian kind of looks like Tim Blake Nelson. If he were really tall… And bearded… And overweight.

I’m confused. Is this film even a film? Or is it a documentary? Or an education film? All three? I have no clue.

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Kirk Cameron kind of looks like Grumpy Cat sitting next to Christian in the car.

I think the actor who’s playing Christian (who’s also the director) is doing some really bad improve right now.

“You’re all wrong” Why do I get the feeling that Kirk Cameron says that to a lot of people on a daily basis.

Okay, now we’ve gone to being in narrative film into an education all of a sudden.

So… This film is meant to be a comedy, right?

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Why does Joseph look like he is 50 years older than his wife the Virgin Mary?

This tomb set looks like it cost only $5 to make.

Besides hot chocolate, Kirk Cameron likes talking about cloths as well.

Did Kirk even answer Christian’s question about the nativity scene? Cause I’m confused by he’s answer.

I swear all of Christian’s lines weren’t even scripted. I think the actor/director just made them up in the spot

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“I’ve got three words for you: war on Christmas” Oh, here we go. Heaven help us. 

Oh, man. DeAndre and his weird friend have gone full tilt conspiracy theory mode now. This is going to need painful.

 I’ve honestly have no idea what the hell DeAndre’s friend is talking about. None of it makes any damn sense.

There’s a lot of really awful ADR in this scene. 

“I saw it on Fox News! So you know it’s true!” If it was on Fox News, it probably wasn’t true dude!

I honestly don’t see the point of this whole scene. Just like everything in the film, it adds NOTHING!

Kirk Cameron and Christian are now talking about the origins of Christmas trees. Why? Just cause.

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The origins of Christmas trees are in the Book of Genesis? Okay…

Wait, wait, wait. Kirk, Are telling me that Christmas trees are meant to be symbolise Jesus’s crucifixion?! o_O

I’ve been going to church all my life and this is the first I’ve ever heard about ANY of this.

Okay, Kirk Cameron. I don’t know how to process any of what you just said.

Now Christian is basically comparing Santa Claus to Satan ’cause their names are similar. I’m not making any of this up!

Christian really doesn’t like the commercialisation of Christmas at all. I can understand where he’s coming from, but he’s being a bit crazy about it

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Okay, what’s with all the creepy cut always to a sinister looking Santa Claus. I’m freaking out right now!

“The real Santa was bad, but bad in a good way” I’m pretty sure if your bad, you’re just bad full stop.

Okay, so now where back at the medieval scenes in hat we saw earlier. So we finally have context with these scenes!

Kirk is now talking about how Santa based on St. Nicholas. Which I think we all already knew about anyway.

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“He smited him on the cheek” Ahh, I think St. Nicolas did more than that. He beat the crap out of that guy!

“In Norway he was known as Yule Neeson” Well, that would explain why St. Nicholas as a particular set of skills.

Man, the acting from the non-actors in this film so bad. Clearly these people have never acted before.

Christian is wearing the ugliest Christmas sweater I have ever seen.

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Well, what a surprise. Christian loves Christmas again! Who would have thought *Yawn*

Well, that’s the most dramatic ‘opening up the front door and everyone staring at you’ scene I’ve ever seen.

Christian just belly slided across his floor and slammed into some Christmas presents in slo-mo. I’ve got nothing.

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Okay, Christian is now basically turned into crazy Christmas obsessed person. It’s kind of scary.

Geez, the film is about the hour mark and it’s basically over. Thank goodness.

Yeah, the film is basically turned into a motivational video about loving Christmas now.

“This Christmas I want to give something that I’ve wanting to give you for a long time” Man, it’s hope he’s talking about acting lessons. 

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Okay, what’s happening?! Are they doing a dance number?!

I’m very disturbed that everyone is doing krumping and break dancing moves right now.

Oh, man. Everyone’s dancing is so bad.

Christian is spinning around all over the ground. This is starting to freak me out!

Please using slo-mo! It makes the dancing look more terrifying than it should be!

I like how the little kids in the background of this dance scene look so bored out of their minds lol

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OMG Kirk Cameron is doing the worm! But the way how he does it, it looks like he’s humping the floor! My eyes have been solid!

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Okay, weird old guy. Thanks for your commentary on these things.

Finally! The dance sequence is over! Hallelujah!

Yep. Kirk Cameron is still going on about hot chocolate.

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Thanks Kirk! Your wink to the camera just creeped me out!

Umm… Why are they showing the opening credits again?

No… No… NNNOOO! NOT A BLOOPER REEL!!!

Once again, this film is meant to be a comedy, right? Right?!

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Okay, Christian was played by Darren Doane, who also co-wrote and directed the film.

It’s pretty clear that based on this film shouldn’t, Darren Doane shouldn’t act. Nor wrote. Nor direct. Ever again.

Now I’m curious, what else has Darren Doane made before? I’m checking IMDb now.

Wait! Stop! Hold the phone! Darren Doane directed music videos for Blink 182, Ill Nino and Shinedown?! Oh my… o_O

No joke! He directed this classic Blink 182 music video!!

I seriously can’t process any of that!!!

Well, that’s the end of the film. It’s pretty clear that Kirk Cameron that doesn’t know some of the traditions of Christmas

Plus Kirk Cameron should be banned from dancing FOREVER. He’s Worm was one of the most disturbing things I’d ever seen.

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Well, that’s finally the end of the film. You know what’s funny? It has to say something when your film is so terrible. that even your target audience absolutely hates it! 

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 31st edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out next month for my very special bad films of 2015 themed 32nd edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad 2015 released films: JUPITER ASCENDING, MORTDECAI or PAN. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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