Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #30: Staying Alive

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 30th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this installment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… STAYING ALIVE! Was a sequel to the classic 70s film SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE really all that necessary ? Why did Sylvester Stallone signed on to write and direct this film? Read on and find out! Enjoy

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I’ve said many time before and I’ll say it again: is it too late for me *not* to watch this film?

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Yep, just what the world needed: a sequel to the classic SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER that’s directed by… Sylvester Stallone? 

What… Wait? Did I read that correctly? Stallone wrote and directed this film?! My God…

I think that it’s bizarre that we went from songs of the Bee Gees to the songs of Stallone’s brother Frank for the soundtrack

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Ummm… Why is Kurtwood Smith a dance instructor in this opening scene?

You definitely know Stallone directed this film ’cause it begins with a montage.

I’m very disappointed that John Travolta’s character Tony isn’t strutting down the street.

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You can definitely tell that this is a film from the 80s ’cause it has a scene involving aerobics.

Why does Tony wash his clothes while he’s in the shower? Surly that has to be a laundromat close by.

I can’t believe that Travolta turned down so many great parts in the early 80s to do this film.

“You guys aren’t relationships. You guys are exercise.” What the hell type of dialogue is that?

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Oh hi Sylvester Stallone! You’re very quick 5 second cameo was both very distracting and pointless.

Speaking of Stallone’s cameo, what on earth was wearing? He’s clothes were absolutely bizarre.

Yeah, I find it very hard to believe that Tony would be turned down a lot, and mean a LOT of talent agencies

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Man, this film is so 80s lol.

Geez, there’s so much lens flare in this dance scene that it would make J.J. Abrams cream his pants in excitement

Well, that was the most awkward courting scene I’ve ever seen.

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Tony is such a player.

“An accent doesn’t make someone intelligent. If it did you’d been Einstein” Owww! You got just burnt, Tony!

Geez, I don’t know how it’s possible, but Tony is even more of a jerk here than he was in SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER.

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I’m starting to think that STAYING ALIVE is basically the male version of SHOWGIRLS. Just you know, this was released first.

Finally! A Bee Gees song is playing in the film. Sadly, it’s not as memorable as the ones from SATURDAY NIGHT EVER.

We’re gonna need a montage! Montage!

“That boy is strange”. That’s the understatement of the century.

Umm… Did Tony just knock an old man out-of-the-way to get to the phone?! o_O

Well, that was a pretty awkward phone call between Tony and his Mum.

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Holy crap! Is that very young Richie Samboa from Bon Jovi as the guitarist in Jackie’s band?! o_O

Frank Stallone is also a guitarist in Jackie’s band. You can tell that he is trying to make the most of his screen time here.

That shouldn’t surprise me since the director is brother Sly. Clearly there’s no nepotism at work here at all.

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Now I’m not a professional dancer, but I’m pretty sure that Laura’s hair a bit too long for this job.

I like how the Broadway show that Tony is starring in is called SATAN’S ALLEY.

Geez, the Bee Gees songs in this film are really forgettable compared to every other song they have done.

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Besides Jackie’s, every character in this film is extremely unlikable. Especially the one who we’re suppose to be rooting for.

Yeah, it’s pretty clear that Jackie is lip syncing to this song that she’s singing.

Stallone must have been a lot of money to write and direct this film. This was around when he was at his career peak.

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Tony is such a jerk to Jackie. She’s a nice girl who deserves way better than him.

Once again, these Bee Gees songs continue to be really uninspired in this film.

It’s kind of scary to think that Frank Stallone’s songs are more memorable than the Bee Gees in this film, but it’s true.

Wait, stop, hold the phone! Tony’s Mum is actually condoning his jerk behaviour?! o_O

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Frank Stallone has more screen time in this film that I thought. Again that’s what happens when the director is your brother

We’re gonna need a slow down version of a montage! Montage!

You know what’s weird? I can actually hear Stallone speaking Tony’s dialogue in this scene.

Bulges. Bulges everywhere.

I’m sorry to bring that up but it’s a bit hard not to notice them!

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Yeah, I don’t get the Laura character. She’s just as inconsistent as Tony is.

I wonder when John Travolta met Sylvester Stallone for the first time, he accidentally called him ‘Sergio Silverstone’?

Another reason you can tell that this is a film from the 80s? Leggings. So many leggings.

Geez, this like the 20th montage that’s played in this film so far.

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I know that Sly wanted to make ROCKY-like sequel to SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER, but did he need to make the protagonist a jerk?

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Wait a sec, the show is called SATAN ALLEY? Isn’t that also the name of the fake film that Robert Downey Jr. starred-in in TROPIC THUNDER?!

Wow… This SATAN’S ALLEY show is definitely… Something.

What kind of costume is John Travolta wearing? It’s absolutely bizarre.

You would think that Tony would have stopped acting like a douche-bag but nope, he’s still acting like one.

Geez, Travolta is so oiled in this Slow motion dance scene. I’m surprised he hasn’t slipped over already.

STAYING ALIVE, from left: Cynthia Rhodes, John Travolta, 1983, © Paramount

Yeah, these dance show SATAN’S ALLEY may be the bizarre thing that Stallone has ever conceived on screen.

I swear everyone in this film is bi-polar ’cause they act one way one minute, then change personalities a split second later.

I honestly leave no idea what I’m even watching anymore. This is just..Strange.

Why do all the male dancers look like they’re wearing gimp outfits?!

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You know I’ve always wondered what inside the mind of Tommy Wiseau looks like, now I believe it looks like SATAN’S ALLEY.

Geez, you’re such a stage hog, Tony.

SERIOUSLY, WHAT AM I WATCHING?!!!

Yeah! Tony isn’t acting like a jerk to Jackie anymore!

“You know what I want to do? Strut” ABOUT BLOODY TIME! Hit it, Bee Gees! *cue Staying Alive*

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Ahh, Tony. While you’re out and about strutting up the place, you’ve forgotten Jackie you jerk!

Yeah, I’m sorry Travolta and Stallone. This end strut scene isn’t a patch on the classic one from SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER.

Serious question: did Tony learn from anything that he did throughout the film in the end? Cause I’m pretty sure he didn’t

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Well, that’s the end of STAYING ALIVE. I bet Travolta wishes should have starred in AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMEN now instead.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 30th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in during December for my special Christmas themed 31st edition, which could one of the following three bad Christmas films: GRUMPY CAT’S WORST CHRISTMAS EVER, KIRK CAMERON’S SAVING CHRISTMAS or SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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