Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #27: Gymkata

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 27th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… GYMKATA! Was it a good idea to come up with a new fighting style that combines gymnastics and karate? Doe the film even have a plot at all? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

Once again the MGM Lion is warning me to stop watching this film

From the director of the most famous martial arts films of all time ENTER THE DRAGON comes… This…

I like how the first 5 minutes of this film is just a shot of a handle bar.

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Well… The back-and-fourth between these two separate scenes is really… Odd.

Ahhh… Am I watching the right film? ‘Cause I think I may have accidentally put on TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III by mistake.

That bad guy with the bow and arrow has some pretty epic hair.

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There’s a lot of slow-mo being used for these gymnastics scenes. Zack Snyder must have directed this part of the film.

OMG The lead star of this film Kurt Thomas looks like a blond Mark Wahlberg o_O

I’m only 5 minutes into this film and I honestly have now idea what’s going on.

Seriously, whats going on?! There’s so much exposition in this first couple of minutes that’s becoming very confusing.

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So is Kurt Thomas a gymnast whose also a special agent? Or is he training to be one? It doesn’t make any sense

I think Kurt Thomas’ character may have multiple personality ’cause he’s having conversation with himself while doing back flips

No, I’m not making any of this up.

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The sexual chemistry between Kurt Thomas and the Princess is so non-existent that you can’t cut it with a very blunt knife.

Speaking of knifes, the Princess just pulled one out. She’s not messing around that’s for sure.

It’s pretty clear in this love scene between Kurt Thomas and the Princess that she’s never massaged anyone in her entire life.

This Colonel that both Kurt Thomas and the Princess are meeting looks a lot like Lucifer. Cleary he’s not a bad guy at all.

I seriously can’t get over how Kurt Thomas looks exactly like Mark Wahlberg. It’s really scary.

I like how the Princess presses that spring-loaded knife weapon even after when the Colonel told her not to 10 seconds earlier.

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Oh, man. Kurt Thomas is wearing the ugliest jumper I have ever seen.

I like to think that the Peasant threw that water in Kurt Thomas’s face ’cause he’s jumper is terrible.

Shoot that poison arrow through my heeeeeaaaarrrrrtttttt!!!

Yeah, it’s pretty clear in these fight scenes that while Kurt Thomas knows gymnastics, he definitely doesn’t know karate.

Ahh… Where did Kurt get that jacket from?

I’m just going to put it out there: Kurt Thomas may be the greatest actor in all of cinema.

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I just like how there are randomly handle bars around the city so Kurt Thomas can use them to fight people.

Kurt Thomas just accidentally kicked the crap out of an innocent bystander. What a jerk!

I honestly think that the bad guys want to kill Kurt Thomas ’cause he’s wearing that wearing that awful jumper.

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Man, the fight choreography in this film is so laughably bad.

Man, these bad guys are worse shooters than the Stormtroopers from STAR WARS.

Yeah, this chase scene going on way longer than it needed to be.

So the Lucifer-looking Colonel was actually a bad guy this whole time? Wow. I’m totally in shock right now. NOT.

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Meanwhile on the set of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III…

Why are Kurt Thomas and the Princess whitewater rafting down a river? I’m confused.

But to be fair, this whole film confuses me.

Geez, where’s Meryl Streep and Kevin Bacon when you need them in this whitewater raft scene?

These ninjas look like they’ve dressed up as the Klu Klux Klan. Except they’re dressed in black instead.

Every time Kurt Thomas punches or kicks someone, they sound they make much sounds 10 times louder than a shotgun blast.

Wait, the actor who plays the bad guy Commander Zamir is Australian? Okay, this film is actually getting better now.

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Is it just me or does anyone else think that the King looks like Sonny Bono?

Geez, some of these contestants in the Game are pretty old. There definitely not going to last that’s for sure.

What the hell kind of hat is the King wearing on his head? It looks like a dead animal.

Oh, man. The acting from these *extras* are hilariously awful!

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Once again, I still have no idea what’s going on with this film’s plot.

Oh, great. Now this film is ripping off a scene from the original PLANET OF THE APES.

None of the rules in the *Game* make any sense to me.

Did they just reused another shot from earlier just now but they flipped it the other way? It looks like they did.

Yeah, you can easily tell that guy who fell down onto the rocks are clearly a dummy. They don’t even bother to hide it

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Some dude just put a needle through his face at the banquet scene. Yeah, I’m not sure why either.

I like how the crowd is barely enthusiastic at all every time they have to do the cheering scenes.

Geez, Kurt Thomas. It isn’t that hard to emote.

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Geez, Zamir. Cove up your muscly chest. Who do you think you are? Khan?

You know your film has bad acting in it when even the extras are terrible.

“I’m Zamir and I like to take my shirt off”

If they ever remake GYMKATA, they have to cast Mark Wahlberg in the Kurt Thomas role.

Seriously, I think Kurt Thomas and Mark Wahlberg are the exact same person based on how much they look like each other.

Nice to see the film using the same shots that we saw earlier in the film.

Babe! I got you bbbbaaaabbbbeeee!

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Geez, the extras aren’t even trying.

I’m starting to think that film only at lest 20$ to make. Maybe even lower.

Why are some of the ninjas have traffic cones on top on their heads?

The bad guys are chasing Kurt Thomas in a corn field. They better look out of the Children of the Corn while there in there.

That dude just got shot in the arse by an arrow.

Yeah, I don’t think a rope can catch on fire that quick. Unless it was dosed in petrol of course.

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I like how there are ninjas standing around holding flags for no apparent reason.

The big burly contestant looks a roided up Curtis Armstrong from REVENGE OF THE NERDS.

Yeah, wait until Kurt Thomas is practically on the other side of the ridge before cutting the rope, Zamir. Dumb arse.

Man, the punching sound effects are so loud!

No! They killed the token Asian character that we barely got to know! NNNNooo!!!

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You got to give Kurt Thomas credit for one thing. At lest he’s no longer wearing awful jumper anymore.

Ahh, where did that voice over come from?

Why is Kurt Thomas going to same city that we were just at before? Is it meant to the same or a different one? I don’t know.

Oh, hi goat!

Ahhh… Okay… What’s going on now? This is starting to get really creepy.

Kurt Thomas has somehow wandered onto the set of SILENT HILL.

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WHOA! A VILLAGER JUST CUT OFF HIS OWN ARM! THIS IS INSANE!

A dog is licking a pool of blood off the street. Not creepy at all… Ahhh…

Yeah, Kurt isn’t a convincing fighter.

What is going on in this section of the film?! It’s literally turned into a horror film all of a sudden! No joke!

Oh… My… God… THERE’S A GUY WITH TWO FACES!!! SERIOUSLY, I’M NOT JOKING!

Seriously, I’m not joking about this. I’m absolutely terrified right now.

WHAT ON EARTH AM I WATCHING?!!!

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It’s a good thing that thing that looks a bit like gym equipment is there so Kurt Thomas can do his gymnastic/karate moves.

I like how Kurt Thomas is just going to town on this crazy villagers

Uh, oh. The film is in super slow-motion again. Zack Snyder must have directed this section as well.

*In Mr. Burn’s voice* Release the hounds!

The sound design in this scene is surprisingly scary

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This section of GYMKATA maybe the scariest thing I have seen in a long time.

Geez, Kurt Thomas. It’s not that hard to climb up there.

Wait… The ninja that just help Kurt Thomas is he’s Dad?! Whhhaaattt?!!! I thought he was killed by Zamir at the beginning

You know what’s funny? The film is nearly over and I still have no idea what’s going on.

Aww… Kurt and his Dad are nice father-&-son moment. Clearly nothing bad won’t her-oh, wait. Never mind. It did.

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Noooo!!! Kurt’s Dad shot by an arrow! But he’s not dad! So… That’s okay. Alrighty then.

So here we go… Final showdown between Kurt and Zamir. Mano to mano. Bad acting to bad acting.

Geez, Zamir likes to keep showing off his glistening chest. I think he wants to be the new Khan.

Well, that fight was… Anti-climatic.

Wow! The villagers are beating the absolute crap out of the ninjas.

Once again, there’s no enthusiasm from the extras.

Kurt won the Game, he has the hand of the Princess, his Dad’s alive and the bad guys have been defeated. Yeah.

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Well, that’s the end of the film. If I have one thing to say it woul-wait a sec. What’s that? No… IT’S BASED ON NOVEL?!!! O_o

NO JOKE! IT’S BASED ON NOVEL!!! MY MIND CAN’T PROCESS THIS!!! AAAHHH!…JFKLJZXCKLJHFKJZhf UIYB FAO-=Q219=4I02\303=9 WXPO;ASDKIFOOO

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 27th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in September for my 28th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: ALL ABOUT STEVE, GODZILLA (1998) and XANADU. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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