The Super Network

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 26th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… HOUSE OF THE DEAD! Is this really the worst video game film adaptation of all time? Has Uwe Boll ever made a film that was even decent? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know that I’ve said this many times before but I’m going to say it again: is it too late for me to NOT watch this film? #HouseOfTheDead

Actually as a matter of fact, this will be my third viewing of the film. *Shudders*… I feel so dirty saying that out loud. #HouseOfTheDead

“It was a nightmare…So many dead people…So many victims…” Funny, that’s what the critics said after watching this film #HouseOfTheDead

“All that remains in the rotten smell of death” So that’s pretty much happened to everyone’s careers after this film, right? #HouseOfTheDead

You can tell that this film was made in the early ’00s ’cause it opens with House music. #HouseOfTheDead

This song sounds strangely similar to The Prodigy’s “Firestarter”. I smell a lawsuit! #HouseOfTheDead

Look out! Douchebag alert! #HouseOfTheDead

This is some pretty awkward setup in introducing our characters. #HouseOfTheDead

And there he is! The man whose name strikes fear in the hearts of all film fans across the world: Uwe Boll! #HouseOfTheDead

True fact: if you say Uwe Boll’s name 3 times into a mirror, he’ll appear and kill you by forcing you to watch one of his films. #HouseOfTheDead

I have never heard of a more monotone narration in a film in my entire life than one in this film. He sounds so bored. #HouseOfTheDead

Clint Howard is the Fisherman in I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER. #HouseOfTheDead

Poor Clint Howard. I suppose he needs something to do in his spare time his brother Ron isn’t directing any films. #HouseOfTheDead

One of the actor’s in this film looks like Chris O’Donnell. #HouseOfTheDead

Jurgen Prochnow is this film as well. He’s playing a captain. Yep, he’s definitely come a long way since DAS BOOT, huh? #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, by the way, Jurgen’s character is named Captain Kirk, No, I’m joking. That really is he’s character’s name. #HouseOfTheDead

Geez, those coast guards are taking their sweet time getting to Captain Kirk’s boat. #HouseOfTheDead

I have a question: did we really need a HOUSE OF THE DEAD film? I don’t think the original game was ever crying out for one? #HouseOfTheDead

Uh, oh. That woman and her boyfriend are going skinny dipping. They are so going to die now. #HouseOfTheDead

The Chris O’Donnell lookalike is spewing up all over the place. Funny enough, that’s how I felt after watching this film too #HouseOfTheDead

Really, Uwe Boll? Are you trying to ripoff the opening of JAWS for this scene?! Have you know shame at all? #HouseOfTheDead

I don’t know why a woman is wandering around topless on Jurgen’s boat. I seriously don’t know at all. #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, yeah. Your boyfriend is definitely hiding out in the old creepy abandoned house. Why wouldn’t he be? #HouseOfTheDead

I bet any money that those tombstones only cost 2$ to make. #HouseOfTheDead

Ahh… Why is scenes from the original HOUSE OF THE DEAD video game popping up all over the place? I don’t get it. #HouseOfTheDead

It’s funny. Uwe Boll was making Asylum-esque films before even the Asylum started to do it. #HouseOfTheDead

Yep, there’s those cut-scenes from the HOTD video game again. Seriously, what’s the point of them? #HouseOfTheDead

Geez, it’s taken those people a long time to walk to that rave. It was only daylight when they left the beach. #HouseOfTheDead

Obviously, there’s nothing unusual or suspicious about this abandon rave party. Nothing at all. #HouseOfTheDead

SEGA definitely getting their money’s worth with the product placement by cutting to in every shot in this scene. #HouseOfTheDead

Yeah, dude. I’m pretty sure that the old creepy abandon house was built over a millennia ago. #HouseOfTheDead

Hey, that guy with the video camera is Michael Eklund! That creepy actor who plays all those creepy characters in films. #HouseOfTheDead

Believe it or now, Eklund. Romero did make he’s 4 DEAD. It came out 2 years later and it was called LAND OF THE DEAD. #HouseOfTheDead

Yeah, just like every other video game film that Uwe Boll has ever made, the film’s plot is nothing like the game at all. #HouseOfTheDead

WHAT DO THEY KEEP CUTTING TO SCENES FROM THE ORIGINAL GAME?! THIS IS GETTING ANNOYING! #HouseOfTheDead

Chris O’Donnell’s doppelganger was hiding out in a turned-over outdoor toilet. I’m surprised he wasn’t covered more in crap. #HouseOfTheDead

NO! A zombie just Michael Eklund! He had so much creepy stuff to offer! #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, thank goodness. The leader of the coast guard has shown up and shot the zombie. I was worried there for a sec. #HouseOfTheDead

Ah, Uwe Boll. Lucio Fulci called and he wants his swimming zombies back! #HouseOfTheDead

You know for someone who has never seen zombies before, Jurgen is taking them pretty well. Especially killing them. #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, man. The zombie makeup in this film is awful. #HouseOfTheDead

I really hope nothing bad happens to our characters as they’re crossing that brid-oh, wait. Never mind. #HouseOfTheDead

Dude! When your friends scream at you to not swim to the zombie infest boat, you better listen dammit! #HouseOfTheDead

I don’t why that dancer character Liberty is wearing a leotard made of the American flag. I just don’t know. #HouseOfTheDead

Ahh… Why does everyone know hand-to-hand combat all of a sudden? #HouseOfTheDead

That zombie has an acid breath that only the Xenomorph from the ALIEN series will love. #HouseOfTheDead

The actor that played Greg retired from acting in 2008. After starring in a lot of Uwe Boll films, I probably would to. #HouseOfTheDead

Yeah… Having ‘too little of sunscreen’ is definitely the cause of the zombie outbreak on the island. Dumb arse. #HouseOfTheDead

Ahh… Why are we having a random B&W flashback to something that happened a hundred years ago? #HouseOfTheDead

Marlon Brando! Oh, wait. That’s not him. My mistake. #HouseOfTheDead

Geez, even Boll stole the whole ‘zombies running’ thing from 28 DAYS LATER. Seriously, he really is shameless isn’t he? #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, wait. Uwe Boll just paid *homage* to a scene from THE LORD OF THE RINGS… I honestly have no words for any of this #HouseOfTheDead

Man, these’s zombies can do anything. They can run, jump, swim, spit acid, use weapons… They’re multipurpose y’all! #HouseOfTheDead

NNNOOO! Not the Chris O’Donnell lookalike guy! #HouseOfTheDead

Geez, how many guns are in that box?! It’s like every gun in world is in there. #HouseOfTheDead

Yep, we’re still getting more cut scenes from the original video game. Is there any actual to their use in the film? #HouseOfTheDead

WHY DO THEY KEEP CUTTING TO SCENES FROM THE VIDEO GAME DURING THIS ACTION SCENE?! IT! DOESN’T! MAKE! ANY! SENSE!!!! #HouseOfTheDead

Ahh, guys! You would probably make it to the creepy church much quicker if you didn’t walk there in SLOW MOTION!!! #HouseOfTheDead

Where is this rap song coming from? #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, great. Uwe Boll is now stealing all the ‘bullet time’ action sequences from THE MATRIX films. He’s not even trying! #HouseOfTheDead

Hey Boll! The Wachowskis called and they also want all their scenes you’ve stolen from them back as well! #HouseOfTheDead

I don’t know why a shotgun bullet just broke apart into a bunch of smaller bullets… But that’s actually kind of cool. #HouseOfTheDead

It’s amazing how everyone knows how to handle a gun… And do martial arts… *Blinks* #HouseOfTheDead

A shotgun bullet just went straight through three zombies at the same time… I got to admit. That was kind of cool too. #HouseOfTheDead

Geez, this action sequence has been going on for a while. #HouseOfTheDead

So… Much… House music… #HouseOfTheDead

NNNOOO! Not Liberty! She’s was the only somewhat cool character in the film! #HouseOfTheDead

Yep, that unbolted wooden door is definitely going to hold those zombies back. #HouseOfTheDead

I wonder if Christian Slater, Ben Kingsley, Ray Liotta Jason Statham etc. all saw this film before they signed on to work with Boll? #HouseOfTheDead

‘Sad Theme’ from HOUSE OF THE DEAD #HouseOfTheDead

You know for a film that’s called HOUSE OF THE DEAD, the house itself that’s part of the title is pretty bloody small. #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, man. The acting in this film. Oh, man. #HouseOfTheDead

So… What ever happened to Clint Howard? He’s just basically disappeared from this film. #HouseOfTheDead

Geez, the sets in this film look they only cost about 10$ to make. #HouseOfTheDead

I like how everybody is an expert on… well… particularly EVERYTHING in this film. #HouseOfTheDead

Ahh, yeah. Jurgen. If you are going to blow yourself up, please do it FAR AWAY from the door that’s keeping the zombies out! #HouseOfTheDead

The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! #HouseOfTheDead

I’m not even going to try to figure out why they’re still using cut-scenes from the video game in this film. I just can’t. #HouseOfTheDead

Yeah… A lot of help you were! #HouseOfTheDead

I don’t know what’s even happening anymore. #HouseOfTheDead

Oh, look. The Marlon Brando looking dude is back. That means more unnecessary flashbacks. #HouseOfTheDead

EEEWWW! He’s licking her ear! That’s gross! #HouseOfTheDead

It’s a good thing that they had that hand grenade handy. #HouseOfTheDead

Hold on! They brought back the ‘bullet time’ effects again! #HouseOfTheDead

It’s a good thing that Alicia said that she has been taking fencing lessons ’cause this could have been a one-sided fight #HouseOfTheDead

Whoops! Spoke too soon. Alicia just got stabbed in the chest. That was… Anticlimactic. #HouseOfTheDead

Once again, nobody knows how to emote in this film. #HouseOfTheDead

So Alicia is dead, her boyfriend is grieving and the guy who knows how to reanimate people is dead… #HouseOfTheDead

Yeah, I don’t think it takes a genius to figure out this film is going to end. #HouseOfTheDead

Yep, I thought right: Rudy has reanimated his dead girlfriend Alicia. WHO DID NOT SEE THAT COMING?! #HouseOfTheDead

Well, that’s the end of the film. But it’s also the beginning of the nightmare know as Uwe Boll’s career as a film director #HouseOfTheDead

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 26th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late July for my 27th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: GYMKATA, PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and WILD WILD WEST. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon! Also a keep a look out next for a very special one-off edition of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, which I’ll be watching and live-tweeting… SHARNADO 3: OH, HELL NO!!

– Bede Jermyn