Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #24 (2nd Anniversary Edition): The Golden Bat

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 24th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. If you remember from last month, I decided for this edition of the series that I wasn’t going to you guys decide which bad film I was going to watch. Why was that you ask? ‘Cause this month actually marks the 2nd anniversary of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon column. So I thought that to celebrate this special occasion, instead of asking you readers to pick which bad film I should watch and live-tweet, I would instead pick the film myself. So which bad film have I chosen for the 24th/2nd anniversary edition of the article? I’m going to be doing it one of my all time favourite bad movies, which probably nearly all of you have never heard: the obscure 1966 Japanese superhero film THE GOLDEN BAT! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

You know if I ever become a superhero, I want my theme song to be the one that’s playing over the open credits

I like how the opening credits are basically the Golden Bat dancing around and voguing out Madonna-style in silhouette

Space… The final frontier…

I think its funny that this cop thinks its suspicious that someone gazing up at the stars with a telescope at night.

You can definitely tell this film was made the 60s cause no one can get away with telling a cop to be quiet 

So this kid sees something move in the night sky, and he automatically thinks that the world is in danger? Okay.

I like how this scientist is basically tells the teen that he is an idiot. I don’t blame him at all.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure isn’t a planet in our solar system named Icarus.

Meanwhile in space, a giant fireball that’s dangling on a wire is heading towards Earth

Wow there’s a spaceship that looks a screw. Seriously I’m joking about this! That’s what it looks like!

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What the hell is that thing?!

Why is the villain look a chipmunk mascot for a very amateur second-rate football team. He doesn’t look threatening at all.

Seriously, he looks weird! He also has 4 eyes and a claw that looks like the one the Claw from INSPECTOR GADGET has

Well, these Men In Black looking wannabes aren’t being very subtle when it comes to stalk that teen in their car

“Who are you?! Why are you wearing sunglasses at night?! Who do you think you are?! Bono?!

Geez, the teen was just kidnapped 5 seconds ago and he’s already fallen asleep.

Plus it just went from being night to day pretty quickly as well.

Oh, my God… Cheap sets!

Of course the teen’s name is Akira. It’s a pretty common name in Japan.

Yeah, Akira being both intelligent and talented is a bit of a stretch

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HOLY CRAP! The main scientist in the this film is played by Sonny Chiba! Awesome! We’re gonna some arse kicking for sure!

I don’t think I’ve seen a film that has so much happening in the first 10 minutes than this film does.

I like how Sonny Chiba’s organisation gives Akira a job to on their team within the first 30 seconds of meeting him

Uh, oh. A child actor. She’s going to annoy the crap out of us for the rest of the film, isn’t she?

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I like how the only white dude in the film has the thickest Japanese accent of all time. He was clearly dubbed over.

That laser is called the Hyper-Annihilator Beam Cannon? That’s the best name for a weapon ever!

Quick! Look busy by randomly pressing buttons! 

Thunderbirds are go!

Sonny Chiba’s jet is called Space-Car 2? Geez, the filmmakers aren’t trying to come up with good names 

“Doctor! That island isn’t on the charts.” That’s because it’s the LOST island! Stay away from it!

Yes. If you find an mysterious island that’s not on any map in the world, the first thing you do is to investigate it

MODELS.

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Why is everybody wearing suits that look like they were made out of aluminum foil?

Don’t worry everyone! That other team isn’t dead. They just went out on a massive bender the night before.

Hey Calista Flockhart! Oh, wait. That’s a just skeleton. My mistake.

Wait, the mysterious island that they’re on is actually Atlantis? This film is getting weirder and weirder by the minute.

I like how these giant rocks and pillars are literally bouncing around all over the place as this earthquake is happening

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That giant screw looking spaceship we saw has just come out of the ocean and is shooting lasers at everyone!

OMG the mutant chipmunk mascot looking bad guy is named Nazo! This is becoming even more hilarious!

Nazo’s evil laugh is pretty epic!

Hey, I didn’t know Nazo had his own Foot clan!

Man, the sound effects in this film are hilarious lol

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I’m not sure what the budget for this film was, but I’m pretty sure it might have been at lest $10

No! Don’t go towards the light!

So The Golden Bat lives in a sarcophagus. Does that mean he’s a mummy?

You know for someone who has been dormant for a 1000 years, the Golden Bat is pretty stylish

Why is the Golden Bat wearing Mickey Mouse gloves?

The sound all the evil henchman make when they get shot is hilarious. It’s just the same scream over and over again.

Umm. How does the kid know that to revive the Golden Bat, she’s has to throw water on him?

Attention! Attention! We have a fake bat on string flying around! Do not be alarmed!

By the power of the plastic bat on a string, I demand you to rise Golden Bat!

WAZZUUUPPPPPP!!!!!

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Oh, man. The Golden Bat’s costume is pretty epic. He looks like a cross between Skeletor and Liberace. Seriously, he does!

OMG The Golden Bat’s laugh is even more hilarious and terrifying than the villian’s laugh. It’s amazing!

Now the Golden Bat is now going around beating up all the evil henchman with his whacking stick! This is awesome!

For some reason, that fake plastic bat just landed on the kid and turned itself into a pendant. I’m not making this up!

OMG The Golden Bat is flying around in front of a green screen! This film just more amazing by the minute!

Uh, oh. Nazo is pissed off right about now!

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I like how the Golden Bat pretty much nearly destroys Nazo’s ship only after hitting it a few times with his whacking stick

Please Golden Bat, stop doing that! You’re laugh is scaring the crap out of me.

You know for a film called THE GOLDEN BAT, you would think this film this film should have been shot in colour but noooooo 

But for some reason, they shot this film in B&W instead. What an absolute missed opportunity

Oh, man. Nazo’s tantrums are hilarious!

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Uh, oh. Nazo’s main three henchman have arrived. One of them looks scarily like Two-Face from BATMAN FOREVER

The second one is wearing a lot of mascara and the third looks like Wolverine from the X-MEN. This is hilarious!

So when is Sonny Chiba gonna bust out and fight people? I’m still waiting.

The whip-panning that the filmmakers use every time somebody jumps in this film is amazing

Ah, security guards. There’s a whole bunch of evil henchman standing right above you. Seriously, how can you not notice them!

Oh no! Piranha, the main female henchman, has disguised herself as one of our heroes!

You can tell which of the two is the evil one ’cause the evil one is wearing a bunch mascara over her eyes.

EVIL MASCARA!

Well, those evil henchman sure fell into that trap pretty easy. Dumbarses.

Oh, by the way, the kid I keep mentioning is named Emily. Just in case you were wondering. Or not. I don’t care.

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HOLY CRAP! Jackal, the henchman who looks like Wolverine, just slapped the shit out of Emily! Seriously, it was a full on BAM! o_O

Geez, for a superhero, the Golden Bat is taking his sweet time to hurry up and help everyone.

Why won’t the filmmakers let Sonny Chiba beat the crap out of Jackal? He’s an action legend for crying out loud!

It’s about bloody time you showed up Golden Bat! We’ve been waiting a while.

How on earth are the henchman sticking to the wall like that?

What the hell was that?

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Ahh, Golden Bat. You’re flying in the wrong direction. The bad guy’s ship went that way!

Yeah, your crying is very believable, Emily. I’m totally sad for you right now.

“Hey Naomi! Why are you wearing evil macara?”

So Nazo’s evil plan is by getting a planet to collide with the Earth? He must have got that idea from watching MELANCHOLIA

Wow! Nazo’s henchman are electrocuting the crap out of the old white dude.

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Geez, Nazo. It can’t be that hard to shoot at a plastic bat on a string.

For some reason, the bad guys are using a machine to turn Two-face into the old white dude.

Man, the old white dude’s facial expressions are hilarious!

Geez, even when she goes to bed at night, Piranha still wears evil mascara

Why is it that everyone at the base is wearing a white turtleneck sweater?

Hey, everyone! Look up to the sky! There’s a plastic ball that’s on fire!

“Hmmmm… I know my porno magazines are around here somewhere?”

HOLY CRAP! Two-Face is choking the crap out of Emily! Geez, everyone in this film likes to abuse her.

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Now the Wolverine dude is now choking Emily too! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!!!

Geez, the Golden Bat is awful superhero. He doesn’t bother to show up somebody is in trouble. What a jerk!

So whatever happened to Akira? I thought he was to suppose to be the lead of this film. He’s vanished.

Oh, wait. There he is. Never mind.

You know instead of Piranha, the filmmakers should have called her Evil Mascara since that’s only trait that she has.

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Piranha has turned to her normal self. Yeah, that might not have been a good idea.

So Piranha’s power is that she can go through walls? Okay.

Yeah, I don’t think the police will be able to help out with an alien invasion, Akira.

I’m sorry, Nazo. I can’t take you seriously as a villain when you look a mutant chipmunk. Again sorry.

No! Nazo just killed Piranha! There was still a lot of evil mascara that she hasn’t used yet!

Geez, the film is almost over and Sonny Chiba still hasn’t kicked any arse yet.

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ABOUT BLOODY TIME YOU SHOWED UP AGAIN, GOLDEN BAT! WHERE ARE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

Oh, no! Two-Face has hostages! And he’s throwing them off the ship! That bastard!

Geez, Golden Bat. Hostages are getting killed and you’re just standing around doing nothing. You jerk.

I think that this Two-Face henchman may be more crazy than Tommy Lee Jone’s Two-Face in BATMAN FOREVER. That’s saying something.

Man, the Golden Bat’s theme song is pretty awesome!

Oh, whacking day! Oh, whacking day!

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The Golden Bat is just going to town on these henchman. But yet Sonny Chiba still hasn’t even fought anyone once.

Uh, oh. Nazo. Just like the shape of your ship, you’re definitely screwed.

Ahh, why did the screen just freeze all of a sudden?

How did Akira and Sonny Chiba get on the ship?

Oh, man. Dutch angles. I’m getting BATTLEFIELD EARTH flashbacks! Nooooo!

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It’s about time that Sonny Chiba got some action, even though its sadly only through gun battles *sigh*

These Two-Face-esque henchman may be the most insane character ever put in cinema. Believe me, I’ve seen them all.

Geez, the Two-Face guy is taking his sweet time to shoot the good guys. It’s not like they’re going anywhere.

It has to say something when the hero’s laugh sounds way more evil than the bad guy’s laugh

That’s right, Golden Bat! Beat the crap out of Two-Face with your whacking stick!

Does the Golden Bat ever lower his arms down? There always raised in the air.

You know Nazo if just got out of your spinning chair thing, you can easily get away. Oh, he did? Never mind.

Fly Golden Bat fly! The screw is about to explode! Okay, that didn’t sound right. I apologize. Sorry everyone.

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Yes! The good guys were able to use the laser to stop the other planet crashing into Earth. Lar von Trier must be upset now.

So long Golden Bat! Thanks for helping us all out whenever you felt like it!

Man, the green screen in this film might be even worse than the one used in THE ROOM. That’s saying something.

“See you later everyone! I have to go rock out and vogue in silhouette to my theme song now!”

You know what I can’t forgive this film for? For not giving Sonny Chiba any hand-to-hand fight scenes in this film. That’s just wrong!

Okay, Emily. You can stop saying goodbye now! You’ve already said about a billion times.

Seriously, forget THE DARK KNIGHT, SPIDER-MAN 2, SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE, THE AVENGERS and the rest. *This* is greatest superhero film of ALL time!

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 24th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in June for my 25th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: FLASH GORDON, GIGLI and PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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