Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #22: Battlefield Earth

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 22nd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… BATTLEFIELD EARTH! Will I figure out why the filmmakers decided to shoot the entire film using only Dutch angles? Does John Travolta give a new meaning to the term ‘scenery chewing performance’ in this film? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times in other articles, but say it again: is too late for not to watch this film?

Nice to see that nature is still around in the year 3000.

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Ummm… What’s happening? This opening is confusing

Barry Pepper’s hair in this film is pretty epic.

I can’t believe that this film has audacity to steal the screen wipes from the far superior STAR WARS series.

Did that woman just call Barry Pepper a ‘greener’? What kind of an insult is that?! Insults in the future a pretty sucky

Hey Barry Pepper! You leave that statue of Pete’s Dragon alone!

I suppose it makes sense that the first piece of old civilisation that Barry Pepper finds is a miniature golf course

Oh, hi Kim Coates! I’m so sorry to see you get rope into this film too.

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Question: why the hell are there so many Dutch angles in this film? Seriously, even THOR didn’t have this many

That’s probably the fakest looking laser I’ve ever seen.

Why is everything so green all of a sudden?

No! They shot Barry Pepper’s horse! He only had one day left until retirement!

Epic glass shattering!

Seriously, this scene of Barry Pepper going through a sheet of glass in slow motion goes on for like nearly 10 minutes

And I might add, it was shot from EVERY SINGLE ANGLE as well. All in Dutch angles of course.

I’m not going to say the author’s name that this film is based on (just in case I get sued), so I’ll just nickname him I. Ron Butterfly

You know besides all the Dutch angles, this actually a pretty visually ugly looking film in every way

Poor Barry Pepper. This film was suppose to be his breakthrough role to superstardom but nope. It nearly killed his career

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Man, the designs of this aliens are so bad. They look someone dressed in a very cheap Klingon Halloween costume

Oh, John Travolta. Why?! WHY?! You look more hilarious than intimating as a evil alien being

So John Travolta thought it would be a good idea to give a Barry Pepper a gun to see if would know hot to work it? That’s a dumb idea

You do realise John Travolta that your complete utter stupidly just got one of your men killed, right?

Geez, even in a scene where there’s just two characters talking, its STILL shot in Dutch angles.

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Poor Forest Whitaker. You can clearly tell by looking at his face, that deeply regrets signing on to this film.

Whoa! That one alien’s chin looks exactly like a testicle

Believe it or not, the real reason why John Travolta’s character is pissed off is because everyone else in this scene is trying overact him too. Nobody out acts, Travolta! 

Oh, my God. John Travolta going at this terrible dialogue like he is quoting Shakespeare that it’s absolutely hilarious

You know I’ve seen so many over-the-top scenery chewing performances in my time, but Travolta’s performance here takes the cake

Does anybody know what the budget of this film was? Cause I’m pretty certain that it only cost a $100 to make.

Look how big the heels on both Travolta and Whitaker’s boots are? They must be at lest 20 inches tall or something.

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OMG all the alien’s costumes have giant cod pieces on them! I know I shouldn’t have looked but it’s a bit hard not to notice

Yes, Barry Pepper. Scream at the top of your lungs so that all the bloody aliens can find you where you are. Dumb arse.

Seriously, no joke. I honestly have no idea what the hell is going. This film doesn’t make any sense at all.

Man, just when I think that Travolta’s performance couldn’t get anymore over-the-top, he becomes even more so 

The green screen in this film is absolutely awful. It’s exactly on the level of THE ROOM

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No! Travolta just through that guy whose name I don’t even remember over a cliff! Damn you Travolta!

Whoa! A ghost alien. Now I’ve seen everything.

So Travolta’s evil plan is to make Barry Pepper really, really, REALLY smart? Yeah, that may be a bad idea.

Yeah, it’s official: Travolta’s character is the dumbest evil alien in the history of the universe.

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Why? Cause by putting Pepper in that knowledge machine, he’s basically given him and the humans the knowledge they need to beat them

You know Travolta, you should listen to Whitaker more cause he’s been right pretty much about everything when it comes to the human’s plan so far

Dammit BATTLEFIELD EARTH! Stop using screen wipes when you’re transitioning to a scene! You’re not STAR WARS!!!

Yeah, I think that there hasn’t been a single shot in this film that wasn’t non-tilted.

Whoa! Travolta is just randomly shooting cows for no apparent reason. PETA aren’t gonna be happy about this.

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Was is it that when they film shows the Psychlos native language, is literally sounds like ‘blah, blah, blah, blah’?

By the way, the aliens in this film are actually called Psychlos. No, I’m serious. It’s not a joke!

Oh, no! Travolta has kidnapped Pepper’s girlfriend! How… I honestly have no idea.

I think the real reason why Whitaker shook his head just then, it was because of Travolta’s awful dialogue in that scene

Oh, hi Kelly Preston!

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Whoa! That’s a pretty long obviously CGI tongue you’ve got there Kelly Preston

So pretty much Kelly Preston’s cameo in this film, was just showing her really long tongue? Okay.

Hmmm… I wonder if that alien with the testicle looking chin is related to Hugh Jackman’s character from MOVIE 43?

Geez, why does the CGI in this film look like it’s from a early 90s video game?

I don’t know why Travolta has weird looking ear plugs in his nose, but it’s pretty disturbing.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Those weird nose plug things are part of the alien’s ships? Okay.

Either they are used for breathing purposes or actually to power and fly the ship, I honestly have no idea.

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OMG another shot of Travolta’s cod piece! I’m absolutely disturbed right about now

It’s amazing that Barry Pepper’s character is so smart that he knows where to find missiles at a base in Texas

Yeah, this film gets more and more and more and more and more and more and more and more and MORE ridiculous as it goes on

It’s good that blonde dude whose name I can’t remember is willing to sacrifice himself for the good of mankind

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Oh, okay. So those plug things that are jammed up the Psychlos’ noses are a breathing apparatus. But they look so dumb.

Geez, Travolta. Can you please brush your teeth! They are disgusting and gross!

Wow! Travolta just shot off Whitaker’s hand! Surprisingly, is taking it pretty well.

Wait! Hold the phone! Pepper’s characters name is Johnnie?! That means I can references to THE ROOM now! Yes!!!

Man, this film has the most pointless use of slow motion I have ever seen.

Dear Roger Christianson, you don’t have to use slow motion or dutch angles for every scene. It’s annoying. Love, Bede

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Wow. It’s amazing that Barry Pepper was able to teach his fellow humans on how to fly a fighter jet in one week.

You know what? I would really love to see a version of this film where the camera isn’t tilted all the time.

One of the human’s in the fighter jets looks like Kurt Cobain.

It’s amazing that in the year 3000, all the human characters still talk with distinct American accents.

How hard can it be for the human’s to shoot the Psychlos? They’re walking so slow that it would be easy to hit them.

No! Not Kim Coates! No!

I suppose by sacrificing to save human kind, Kim Coates was thankful that he no longer had to be in this crappy film

Man, there are so many close-ups during this fight scene between Travolta and Pepper, I have no idea what’s going on

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Wow! Barry Pepper just blew off Travolta’s arm! Just like Whitaker before, Travolta is taking it pretty well too

Seriously, who would have thought that one little nuclear weapon would destroy the Psychlos’ whole home planet.

Yeah… The humans won the war against the Psychlos… Whatever.

Oh, hi Johnnie! So anyways, how’s your sex life, huh?

See Travolta. Pepper pretty much confirmed to you, that you are definitely the dumbest alien in the entire universe

Wow. Not only did this film steal the screen wipes from STAR WARS, it also stole RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK’s final shot too

Well, that’s end of the film. If this film has taught me one thing, is that actor’s vanity projects are always a bad thing

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 22nd edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late April for my 23rd edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: CONGO, THE LOVE GURU and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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