Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #15: Double Dragon

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 15th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… DOUBLE DRAGON! Will I figure out why Robert Patrick modelled his character’s haircut on Vanilla Ice? Is this film really one of the worst films based on a video game ever? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

Yeah, this opening exposition scene really doesn’t make my sense at all.

Meanwhile somewhere that’s clearly not China, even though it’s supposes to be.

Yeah, these monks didn’t do a really good job of hiding that medallion. The bad guy found it pretty quick

“New Angeles: 2007” Yeah, that is totally what Los Angeles looked like 7 years ago.

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OMG Robert Patrick’s hair in this film is hilarious lol

Hey Robert Patrick! Vanilla Ice called and he wants his hair style back!

Did Robert Patrick just transform into a life size cut-out?!

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So Mark Dacascos and Scott Wolf are suppose to be brothers in this film? Yeah, they so totally look alike.

That has to be the most unenthusiastic crowd at a fighting match I’ve ever seen. Clearly they’re not even trying at all.

Are these guys the Super Mario Bros.?

Oh, dear God. George Hamilton and Vanna White are playing themselves as newscasters in this film.

That has to be the least convincing laugh I’ve ever heard, George Hamilton.

OMG Andy Dick is the playing the weather man! I’ve surprised he’s not forecasting a sharknado

I’m sorry, am I watching DOUBLE DRAGON or ESCAPE FROM L.A.? Seriously I can’t tell which film I’m watching.

It’s nice to see that the Doc Brown’s Delorean is still being put to good use after the BACK TO THE FUTURE series ended.

Bo Abobo… What type of name is that?!

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Yeah, this is totally what gangs dressed up as in L.A. in 2007.

This has to be the slowest car chase sense I have ever seen. Seriously, a snail could out run these guys.

OMG The computer graphics in the 90’s were awful!

How is possible that Bo’s truck crashed when that ally way was big enough for it drive through?

I know those game members are supposes to be in camouflaged with that wall, but you can still easily see them.

Oh hi Alyssa Milano!

Wait a second. Alyssa Milano’s gang is named the Power Crop. That’s a pretty sucky name for a gang.

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I like how Satori’s grey streaks in her hair are either in different spots or simply just disappear from scene to scene.

Man, Scott Wolf is has such a baby face in this film.

You can definitely tell that the actor playing Abobo is wearing a bald cap cause you can see the outlines of it around his head.

“No! I’m afraid of chairs!”

Madonna was married to Tom Arnold in 2007? Yeah, that never happened in real life, movie.

However that would be hilarious if that were true.

Yep, let’s make sure that Krispies celeral box is in full shot.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that no terrorist group would call themselves Power Crop.

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Robert Patrick’s villain character is named Koga Shuko? I’m sorry but that name is more hilarious than threatening.

I’m still surprised that Robert Patrick hasn’t yet said “you gotta drop that zero, and get the hero” so far in this film.

You can definitely tell that Scott Wolf is the only person who didn’t know martial arts prior to this film.

Also you can definitely tell that this film was made in the 90’s lol.

Seriously! Satori’s grey streaks disappear and reappear during this scene. This film has no continuity whatsoever

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OMG Abobo has mutated into one of the creatures from SOCITEY

Man, Abobo’s mutant makeup is so bad! They didn’t even bother to make it look realistic at all.

It’s getting hot in here! So take off all your clothes!

Geez, it’s taking a while for that leaking gas main to blow up

Scott Wolf looks like he’s 12 years old in this film, even though he wasn’t as the time this was being made.

Hey, remember that time during 90’s when they tried to make virtual reality a thing? Yeah, me neither.

Hey Michael Berryman!

I honestly have no idea what Michael Berryman is saying right now.

Please stop calling yourself Kogo Shuko, Robert Patrick. It’s not doing you any favours.

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No Michael Berryman! Noooo!

Umm… Where did that blow fan come from?

Geez, Jimmy is a jerk.

Well, that short cut away scene was… Pointless.

Warriors… Come out and play!

These have to be the least intimidating gangs I have ever seen. They look they’re dressed up for a Halloween party.

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Seriously, these gangs members as clowns, school boys, ninjas, Rick James etc. One in particularly is wearing a lederhosen.

Yeah, I don’t get what postman-dressing gang member was doing just now. He’s plan didn’t make any sense whatsoever.

I’m starting to think that ESCAPE FROM L.A. ripped off the way that future L.A. looks in this film. They look so similar

I’m actually surprised that Snake Plisskin hasn’t showed up at some point. That would have this film way better.

Seriously, why would the cops be terrified of a gang that dresses up like school boys? It doesn’t make any sense.

Actually come to think of it, this whole doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

Yeah, subtly definitely isn’t a criteria when it comes to Robert Patrick’s performance.

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Mutant Abobo looks like a giant testicle

OMG both Mark and Scott’s facials expressions when they went that shaft were hilarious!

After thinking about it, I think that DOUBLE DRAGON may be the most 90’s film ever in the history of cinema.

Why are they putting giant fans on top of those buildings?

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Yeah, are you sure that you have a close enough shot of Alyssa Milano’s butt, movie?

Out of all the costumes in this film, Alyssa Milano’s costume is definitely the weirdest. Seriously, who would wear that?!

Yeah, only in movies are air ducts big enough to easily walk through.

That would be awesome if Robert Patrick channelled Vanilla Ice in his performance, since he looks like him and all.

Yeah, I think Lash is probably the most useless henchwoman of all time.

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How on earth did Mark land on Alyssa when he was the one who fell down the elevator first?

Okay, for some bizarre reason a zombies have decided to show up.

It’s funny how Robert from being the portraying best CGI character ever in TERMINATOR 2, to portraying the worse one in this film.

Uh, huh. Channel 69.

Yeah, the continuity in this film is awful. It’s daylight one minute and the next its night time.

Robert Patrick’s character looks like a cross between Vanilla Ice and the Cinema Snob. It’s really creepy.

Man, there’s a lot of bleached blonde hair in this film.

I’m sorry but if your in a gang that dresses up like school boys, I’m not going to be scared of you. I’m going to laugh at you

Why does one of these gang members have underwear on his head?

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Yeah, Lash is pretty useless henchwoman.

Umm… What what’s the point of this scene with mutant Abobo in the bathroom?

Woody Harrelson?!

Man, fashion in the early-mid 90’s were terrible. Even more so than 80’s fashion.

So what are the powers of the Double Dragon medallion? It just seems like the film is just making them up as it goes along

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Scott is leaning up against a DOUBLE DRAGON arcade game. This film has full blown meta now!

So, the only time the medallion works for Scott is when he doesn’t need it anymore? Okay.

So the only way for Scott to get rid the spirit of Robert Patrick out of his brother’s body, is by beating the crap of him? Rrrriiiigggghhhhtttt.

Well, surprisingly, it works.

Oh, man. The CGI effects in this film are truly terrible.

Can you please stop cracking your knuckles, Robert Patrick! It doesn’t make you look like a bad arse!

Uh, oh. That giant human testicle is back.

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Man, that look on Robert Patrick’s face when Scott & Mark get medallion is the stuff of legend lol!

It’s morphin’ time!

Okay, so the spirit of Satori comes out of nowhere for some reason!

Mark has possessed the body of Robert Patrick. I have no words for any of this.

Poor Robert. He would’ve gotten away with it, if it weren’t for those meddling kids!

“If you think I’m bad, wait until you meet my lawyers. Muhahahaha!” That’s like the only legitimately funny line in the film.

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Man, Scott & Mark’s Double Dragon costumes are hilariously bad.

Wait a second. Mark. & Scott’s car is called the dragon wagon. Okay.

Abobo looks so much like a giant testicle, that its actually scary.

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True fact: to get Scott, Mark & Alyssa to scream in that shot, the producers just showed them the first cut of the film.

Hey it’s those two henchman that worked for Robert Patrick in the film. I seriously forgot that you were even in it.

Wait! Stop! Hold the phone! Paul Dini (who created BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES) came up with the film’s *story*?! OMG! o_O

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Seriously, I’m not lying! Robert Patrick totally copied Vanilla Ice’s look!

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 15th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late July for the next one which could one of the following three films: FLASH GORDON, STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI and WILD WILD WEST. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted here on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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