Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #13: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 13th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. As you already know last month here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. It was a very close race but for this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III! Will I figure out why the Turtles look worse here than they did in the previous films? Is it possible that film has more product placement in it than any other film in history? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

What a second, did I put on the wrong film? This opening shot looks like a scene from 300

First we start off in 17th century ancient Japan, then move on to 20th century New York. Still not a single Ninja Turtle in sight.

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Oh, here they are. Here are favourite Ninj-Holy crap, is wrong with their faces?!

This is horrible! They don’t look anything like they did in the previous two films! There so… Shiny!!!

Even Splinter vaguely looks like he did in the other two films as well. Seriously, they look pretty bad

April has shown up. Why does her hair look exactly like Patrick Swayze’s hair in ROADHOUSE?

I like how April buys the Turtles a bunch of cheap crappy stuff for presents lol

I don’t know why Mickey has lamp shade on his head and doing the hula. This is stupid even for him.

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Yeah, I’m pretty sure that sceptre is a egg timer, April.

Man, April blew a lot of dust off that sceptre

Meanwhile back in 17th century Japan…

“Kenshin, I forbid you to leave the castle. You have disgraced me” “No… It’s YOU that has disgraced me, Father” OH SNAP!!!

Here’s our main villain: Walker. How do I know he’s the bad guy? Cause he is wearing that awful hat on his head

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Is it just me or does this Walker guy look like Vigo from GHOSTBUSTERS 2, just not as scary.

I like how Kenshin just cut down those lanterns for no apparent reason

Kenshin is having a fit and is tearing the room apart. I think this might have inspired Tommy Wiseau’s break down scene in THE ROOM

Screw this statue! *smash*

It’s the funny that picture of the Turtles on that scroll looks 10 times better than they look in the film

So the sceptre has the power of time travel. I’m not sure how that works but okay.

I like Mikey’s reaction when April disappears and is replaced by Kenshin

“She’s turned into a man!” Mikey! That’s a mean thing to say about April’s haircut!

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It’s amazing that April’s Walkman travelled back in time with her when her clothes didn’t.

“How did you get into April’s pants?” I see what you did there movie

Why does Mikey still have that lamp shade on his head?

The only reason why April was arrested was not because she’s a ‘witch’, it’s because of her awful haircut

I love how April’s Walkman still continues to play for another 10 seconds even after it was smashed into a million pieces

Why does Walker look like he wants to kiss April right now?

Yeah! Corey Feldman has returned to do the voice of Donny!

Man, what is up with the Turtles’s months? Their months are moving so fast that their not matching the dialogue at all

Oh, hi Elias Koteas! I see you’re back to play Casey Jones so you can get a pay check

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You can obviously tell that Elias Koteas is wearing a wig. Seriously, it looks bad!

What a second, Elias Koteas plays *two* characters in this film? I guess it was so he could a second pay check as well.

This transition shot from the rat in April’s cell to Splinter is pretty hilarious

Who wears short shorts! Mikey wears short shorts!

I like how Mikey covers his private parts when Splinter walks in on him, despite the fact he has been basically naked this entire series

Yeah, the time travel stuff with the sceptre doesn’t make any sense at all

Man, thank goodness those Honour Guards were wearing underwear when they time traveled to replace the Turtles

Yeah, I’m pretty sure your hockey stick is going to be really effective against their samurai swords, Casey.

It’s amazing that Turtles can fit inside the Honour Guard’s armour when they are like 10 times bigger than them.

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Man, even with those masks over their faces, the Turtles’ months still don’t match their dialogue

Man, these fight scenes are pretty weak.

“Mud wrestling is definitely a spectator sport” Ahhh… I hate to break it to you, Donny…. But that’s not mud!!!

Meanwhile in some random village in ancient Japan…

Is it just me or does Ralph look more like Kermit the Frog than a turtle?

Yeah, you cut those pants *really* short, April.

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Ummm… Did Leo and Donny just make a erection reference to April? o_O

I’m really disturbed that the Ninja Turtles don’t have any nostrils on their faces

Cases Jones’s ancestor isn’t that much of a fighter is he?

Wait a second… Leo’s month didn’t even move when he said that line!

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I like how when the camera is on Elias Koteas’s face, it looks like he’s thinking, “Can’t I just get my check and go home now?”

That guy who was onscreen just now looks a lot like Sharto Copley

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that guy who rode past you was Clint Eastwood, Mikey.

Man, the animatronics in this film are horrible. It makes me long for the days of CGI.

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Seriously, I think Goro’s animatronics and month movements in MORTAL KOMBAT were better than the ones in this film

Oh, no! There’s a kid trapped in a house fire!

I don’t see why the kid couldn’t have just jumped out the window. The window was pretty big and it’s only like 5 fleet to the ground

Seriously, what a lazy kid.

It’s not everyday that a giant mutant turtle gives a kid CPR but here we are.

Man, I don’t how it’s possible, but I think there more weird hairdos in this film than there are in AMERICAN HUSTLE

You’re such a show off, Leo.

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You know Casey’s ancestor has been in the movie for a while now and we STILL don’t know who his name is!

Geez, the pizza that Mikey just made is pretty burnt.

Man, Ralph’s smile is really creepy.

I’m sorry, I can’t stop looking at Casey Jones’s hair. It just looks too weird.

Kenshin’s facial expression to when Splinter says ‘danger’, was pretty pretty hilarious!

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I’m surprised that this kid Yoshi hasn’t freaked over how terrified Ralph looks in this film.

Wait a second! Yoshi had the sceptre this ENTIRE time and waited until NOW to tell the turtles he had it! Yoshi is evil!

I honestly have no idea what accent Elias Koteas is doing right now, it’s bizarre.

Seriously, if someone could tell me what accent Elias Koteas is doing, I would really appreciate it.

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Yeah, I don’t think those guys are going to get that ADDAMS FAMILY reference, Donny.

It’s amazing that Leo has never accidentally stabbed somebody with his swords.

Yeah, the fight choreography in this film is pretty lame.

Man, the Ninja Turtles have some really scary looking teeth.

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Guys! Can you please stop making pop culture references to these people, there not going get them at all.

For somebody who is suppose to be really smart, Donny is a complete idiot in this film.

Well, the bad guy’s death was pretty… Unsatisfying

Well, this film just taken a turn for the dumb.

Ahhh… Mikey is in love with a human. That’s gross.

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Woo! Thank goodness that Mikey was able to get back to the present. I was worried there for a second. Well, not really.

Splinter has a lamp shade on his head. What perfect way to end the film!

Oh! So Casey Jones’s ancestor in the past was named Whit in the credits. Funny, this was never mentioned at all in the film.

My biggest disappointment about the film overall: Vanilla Ice doesn’t make an appearance to sing a rap song in it all. What a drag *sniff*.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 13th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late July for the next one which could one of the following three films: DIE NOTHER DAY, PROMETHEUS or STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted here on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

 

 

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