The Super Network

Sharktopus is a film that cannot be watched alone, so I sat down with my buddy Pat to watch this.

Marcey: “What the hell?”

Pat: “What the hell?”

Yup that’s Sharktopus, through and through. It is a film that will have you saying “What the hell?” or various variations of those three words such as “What the fuck?” or “What the shit?”.

On a serious note (well as serious as I can be talking about a film called Sharktopus), this film is bad. It isn’t even Troll 2 bad, it just really stinks. You would think a film about a man eating half Shark, half Octopus would be awesome. But it is not, there are a few laughs over how utterly awful this is, but that’s about it. It wasn’t all that fun, as it should have been. The acting …. wait there was no acting, the only decent thing was Eric Roberts and it is sad to see such a great talent wasted in this garbage. I have no idea where they found the people in this film, they actually tried to act with excruciating results. The script was written by a monkey on a type writer, which was then re-written by a donkey and then subsequently re-written by a mouse fart, which was then eaten by the dog and regurgitated.

Watching Sharktopus is like waiting for something awesome to happen and it never does. It’s like opening a bunch of birthday presents and waiting for that awesome gift that you were told you were getting and never receiving. Instead you get a bunch of used toilet paper from everyone’s number two’s. Oh yes this film really is that bad, and worse. Most of the people they got for this film looked like they were kidnapped from a 5 cent brothel. I mean you get women in bikini’s which should be awesome, but instead watching them makes you want to poke out your own eyes for seeing them and stabbing yourself in the ears for listening to them. The CG is indeed awful, which is what you’d expect from a film called Sharktopus, that is what made this film funny for the first 10 minutes. It also kept getting bigger, and bigger through the entire film. Continuity is something no one had heard of while making this! One minute there’s no clouds in the sky, next minute it’s over cast … oh yes it does that through the entire film. Obviously what they had to work with was so bad they had to keep re-shooting scenes without noticing the drastic weather changes.

Not only is this film so bad, it kind of is bad, it also is rather boring. After the first 10 minutes, the hilarity of a Sharktopus wears out and it all just becomes annoying and hard to watch. A lot of the film does not make sense, and it hurts to try and think when watching it. Honestly not much happens in this film, when it does it looks so bad, I mean this actually made Shark Attack 3 look credible! There really isn’t a need to watch this, at least not the last 80 minutes of it. Laugh at the start, see the awful Sharktopus and then press stop. I mean even the build up has zero pay off at the end, and the way they manage to *spoiler alert* destroy the Sharktopus would make the ‘science’ in Independence Day laugh. Yes I know this film wasn’t meant to be good, but where was the fun? It wasn’t fun, it tried too hard to be a terrible film that wanted to be fun and it failed, badly.

Rating: