Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #75: Tooth Fairy

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the 75th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. Apologies once again for the lateness of this new edition of the column. As you already know a few weeks ago here on SuperMarcey.com, I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this 75th instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… TOOTH FAIRY! Is this worst family film to star an action film star? Who did the filmmakers blackmail to assemble all these actors into this film? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

Bede @BedeJermyn

I know I’ve said this many times before, but I’m gonna say it again: is it too late for me to *not* watch this film? #ToothFairy

Okay, I’ve got it. I think I know the real reason why Disney bought out 20th Century Fox: so they own TOOTH FAIRY and make it into a massive franchise. I bloody knew it. #ToothFairy

So Dwayne Johnson’s character is nicknamed “The Tooth Fairy” because he knocks out people’s teeth while playing hockey? Okay. #ToothFairy

“You can’t handle the tooth!” You literally can see the pain in Dwayne’s eyes when he has to say that line. #ToothFairy

Geez, Dwayne has said ‘tooth’ more times in the first 2 minutes than anyone has ever said in the history of existence. #ToothFairy

Wow, Dwayne Johnson. Your character in this film is a total jerk. What the hell, man. #ToothFairy

Ummm… Did Dwayne just steal his girlfriend’s daughter’s money from the Tooth Fairy? Seriously, what a dickhead! And this is meant to be our protagonist, people? #ToothFairy

Poor Ashley Judd. You deserve better movies than this. #ToothFairy

Wait, Tooth Fairies actually send summons out to people who don’t believe in them? #ToothFairy

Dwayne Johnson is wearing tutu. I bet he feels very degraded right now. #ToothFairy

Then again I suppose at some point when an action star decides to star in an family film, there’s a 99% certainty that they will wear a tutu at some point in it. #ToothFairy

Oh, hi Stephen Merchant. You must have been desperate for cash to star in this film. #ToothFairy

“Look out for the Tooth Hare Krishnas” Okay, I gotta admit. That sight gag was a little funny. #ToothFairy

It’s weird to see that Stephen Merchant is way taller than Dwayne Johnson. It’s just odd. #ToothFairy

I swear that the word fairy is uttered a least one million times throughout this film. #ToothFairy

I’m only 15 minutes in and this definitely the most embarrassing thing that Dwayne Johnson has ever been in. #ToothFairy

Oh, hi Julie Andrews! As awesome as you are, why are you here too?! #ToothFairy

Leave it only to Julie Andrews to put Dwayne Johnson in his place. Total bad arse. #ToothFairy

Holy shit! Billy Crystal! Why are you here, too?! Did everyone get blackmailed into being this film?! #ToothFairy

Billy Crystal is having too fun playing a Tooth Fairy. #ToothFairy

Well, that’s the last we seen of you in this film until the end credits, Billy Crystal. I hope that pay-cheque was worth it. #ToothFairy

My God… This film hasn’t even hit the 25 minute mark and it feels like it’s been going on forever. #ToothFairy

“Oh, man. What a nightmare. I dreamt I was in a film called TOOTH FAIRY and… OH, NO! I’M STILL IN IT?!” #ToothFairy

Yeah… I find it very hard to believe that 13 old kid knows how to play or even know what the song “Smoke On The Water” is. #ToothFairy

Ummm… Does Dwayne Johnson’s character has framed pictures of hockey players on his walls? #ToothFairy

Remember that period of Dwayne Johnson’s career was starring in mostly crappy kids films? What a dark time. #ToothFairy

Why does it that every time Stephen Merchant is onscreen, he has the look of someone who wants to devour the souls of every living creature? #ToothFairy

I know this is going sound very crude but I’m going to say it anyway: that is one big pussy… Cat #ToothFairy

That kid’s reaction to seeing Dwayne Johnson as the Tooth Fairy is the exact same reaction everyone had watching this film too. #ToothFairy

“I hate job!” I bet any money that Dwayne Johnson said that line every day while working on this film.  #ToothFairy

You know what? I’ve seen BEN-HUR, LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, ONCE UPON A TIME IN AMERICA… But it may be the longest film in the history of cinema… and it’s only 100 minutes long. #ToothFairy

Hmmm… As awful as this film is, there’s a bit of interesting subtext about belief in this film. #ToothFairy

Ummm… Seth MacFarlane?! WHY ARE YOU IN THIS FILM TOO?! This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever! #ToothFairy

What is going on right now?! #ToothFairy

Again… Why is this tool-bag our hero again? He’s so completely unlikable. #ToothFairy

Okay, unlikable as Dwayne’s character is, the character of Mick is just as equally as a tool as well. #ToothFairy

So… Which film has done more harm to the game of ice hockey? THE LOVE GURU or this? #ToothFairy

Ughhh… All the Tooth Fairy puns in this film are so, so lame. #ToothFairy

It’s okay, Dwayne Johnson & Stephen Merchant. You two will collaborate on an actual good film 9 years later with FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY. #ToothFairy

Just when it looks like Dwayne is becoming less of a dick, he’s gone back to being that again. Total dickhead. #ToothFairy

Ummm… Did they just CGI’d Dwayne Johnson’s face during that stunt? It looked so bad. #ToothFairy

Seriously every time Stephen Merchant smiles during this film, he looks creepier than Pennywise. It’s really unsettling. #ToothFairy

Is it just me, or does Dwayne’s wings get bigger and bigger throughout this film? #ToothFairy

I like to think that the real reason that the crowd is so stunned looking at Dwayne in his tooth fairy, is because of how awful it looks. #ToothFairy

Ah, Ashley Judd. Dreaming about all the better films that she could have starred in instead of this. #ToothFairy

Hmmm… Cleary this scene between Dwayne and his girlfriend’s son is meant to be a play on the flying scenes from SUPERMAN, but just not as good. At all. #ToothFairy

Finally! Dwayne has discovered the power of belief! It has taken us 200 millions years to get to that part of his arc. #ToothFairy

What?! Dwayne goes through everything to be a better person and tooth fairy and once he competes, the organisation has to make him forget about it? Well, that’s pointless. #ToothFairy

Of course this film has to end with a big concert number… Because why not? #ToothFairy

I think the reason that Dwayne is smiling in this last scene is not because he just proposed to his girlfriend, it’s because he knows the film is over. #ToothFairy

I’m just going to put this out there: I would totally watch a film where Billy Crystal & Julie Andrews were the leading stars of it. #ToothFairy

Wait, hold the phone! Jason Blum produced it?! And it’s a Blumhouse production?! Holy shit! What did I know this before?! Mind blown! #ToothFairy

Well, that’s the end of the film. Even though Dwayne Johnson has appeared in some not-so-good stuff, there’s no doubt in my mind this the absolute film he has ever appeared it. #ToothFairy

I hope you all enjoyed reading this 75th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out next month for my animated film themed 76th edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad animated films films: FOODFIGHT!, NORM OF THE NORTH or QUEST FOR CAMELOT. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

Written by Bede Jermyn

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