Bede’s Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon #21: Glitter

This entry was posted on March 2, 2015 by , in Columns, Tweets and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment

Hey everyone! Welcome to the 21st edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon series. I’m sorry that this edition of the series wasn’t posted at the end of February as it was originally intended. It was suppose to, but I was extremely busy during that time (my Mum was visiting me and I had to write some other articles/reviews for the site as well) that I didn’t have time to do my live-tweeting of the film you’ve chosen till just now. As you already know in early February here on SuperMarcey.com I posted up poll with three bad movies and I said that whichever one out of those three films had the highest votes, I would watch and live-tweet for this column. Well, the votes are in and you all have spoken. For this instalment of Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon, you guys wanted me to watch and live-tweet… GLITTER! Is this one of the worst films starring a singer a lead role ever made? Did this film really destroy Mariah Carey’s career? Read on and find out! Enjoy!

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Bede @BedeJermyn

I think it’s good that for her first major film, Mariah Carey decided to stretch her acing muscles by playing… A singer. Hmmm.

Hey, Terrence Howard is in this film. I suppose he had to star in a lot of crap before he got any good film roles.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure its illegal to have a kid in a jazz club

Is this opening meant to be in black & white? cause I see a bit of colour here and there. Wow… This film did that before SIN CITY did it! 

Yeah, you can clearly tell that the little girl’s singing voice isn’t even hers.

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It definitely Mariah’s signing voice coming out of the little girl’s month, but its clearly modified so doesn’t *sound* exactly like her

Why do I get the feeling that this film is going through EVERY cliché that has EVER been used in EVER film that’s about a singer

See kids? This is what happens when you smoke in bed.

You know what? Just like this burning house, Mariah’s career went down in flames after the release of this film *ba-da-dis*

You know the little girl who plays the younger version of Mariah’s character looks so much like her, that it’s scary.

The weird b&w/colour scheme in this opening flashback is pretty jarring.

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Okay, we’ve finally arrived in the present… In 1983.

Bad arse actor Vondie Curtis-Hall directed this film? That’s… a bizarre pairing of both director and material.

It’s the 80s! Do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!

Rapper Da Brat plays one of Mariah’s friends. Does anyone remember her? She was big in the 90s… Hello? Anyone? *Crickets*

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Man, this singer that Mariah and her friends are doing back vocals for, is really awful. I mean REALLY awful.

Hey, nightclub! Club 54 called and they want pretty much every you stole from them back!

Man, the lip-syncing in this film is so bad!

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Here’s Max Beesley, our film’s male lead. He was a unknown then, and he’s sadly still a unknown now. Poor guy.

Okay… Why is every in the background blurry and in slow motion?

Yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen anyone wearing a outfit like the one Mariah is in right now. Even by 80s standard is weird.

Whoa! Mariah Carey’s head exploded! Oh, wait. That was just a transition to some fireworks in another scene. Damn.

Max Beesley has relace Terrence Howard as Mariah’s producer. I guess IRON MAN 2 wasn’t the 1st case of Howard being replaced by someone else.

Why are Mariah and her friends wearing plastic bags for clothes?

That dudes shirt has CDs patched all over it. Man, the 80s were really bad when it comes to fashion.

Ahh! Grace Jones! Oh. good. It’s not her. I was scared there for a second. Seriously, she terrifies me.

Max Beesley’s character’s name is Dice. I really hope that’s fake and it’s not actual he’s real name.

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Mariah Carey and Max Beesley have the romantic chemistry of water and oil.

Hmm… Interesting. According to Wiki, Mx Beesley is actually British. That would explain why he’s a American accent here is awful

It’s nice to see that the Universal backlot is being put to good use for the New York scenes in this film.

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Oscar awards? I’m pretty sure people just call them Oscars, Max Beesley.

Wow… That kiss between Mariah and Max was so unconvincing and awkward.

What the hell is with that weird looking silver thing stuck to Mariah’s shoulder?

There’s some really weird uses of slow motion in this film.

These two people from the record company look like Joan Cusack and Ed Begley, Jr.

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This is some weird arse music video that Mariah Carey is working on.

Well. that was the shortest ‘going-on-a-shopping-spree-montage’ I’ve ever seen. It didn’t even last 2 seconds.

Seeing Terrence Howard just act rings about Max Beesley that it’s hilarious.

Product placement!

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Sad theme from GLITTER

Say what you will about Mariah Carey as an actress (except for PRECIOUS, she was great in that) but as a singer, she’s amazing.

Well, now that we’ve got the main plot out of the way, we can now focus on the subplot of Mariah trying to find her mother.

Oh, okay. So Max’s character’s real name is Julian Black. Yeah, I think the nickname he chose was probably for the better.

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Hey look! It’s Halle Berry’s ex-husband R&B singer Eric Benet! You remember him too right? Right? Hello? *Crickets*

Lmafo! I like how that the film producer mistaken Dice’s name for Deuce lol,

Well… Dice has turned into a complete arsehole all of a sudden.

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SO… MANY… CLICHES.

Okay, where to back to the subplot of Mariah trying to find her Mum. Boring!

Oh, Terrence Howard. Always being so creepy and sinister.

I swear the same street is used for every scene in this film.

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You know Max Beesley kind of looks like Stephen Dorff. Just without any of the acting talent.

I honestly don’t know how its possible, but Max Beesley is far worse actor than Mariah. But that’s not saying much.

Man, this film is so incredibly dull.

This song sounds way too modern to have been produced in the 80s

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Okay, so now the hilarious bad part of the entire film is coming up. This scene has to be seen to be believed.

OMG! Mariah and Max telepathically writing a song together! Seriously, I’m not joking when I’m saying this!

On one side of the city, Mariah is writing the lyrics. On the other side, Max is writing the melody.

But there both completely unaware that their writing the same song and at the exact same time! And neither has never heard of the other’s song before! They’re both psychic I tell you!

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Mariah is at Max’s flat. She is now aware of the song they’ve just written! And she doesn’t that fazed or freaked out by it.

Ahh, Mariah left Max’s flat just as he has come home. So close!

Terrence is back and he is pissed. Geez, I hope nothing bad happens to Max, like being murdered or something.

Woops! Spoke to soon. Max’s character is dead. Just like his acting career in real life after this film *ba-da-dis*

Sad Mariah

Well… Mariah put together that song that she telepathically wrote with Max just in time for her first concert pretty quickly.

Mariah is a great singer but yeah, her acting isn’t much too be desired… Unless, of course, when she’s working with Lee Daniels

When did Max have time to write that letter to Mariah? Didn’t he just like get shot just after she left his flat?

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Well, it’s nice to see that this Mariah-trying-to-find-her-subplot actually has some kind of resolution.

Awww… Mariah and her Mum are reunited at last… *vomit*

So Mariah’s Mum… Where you have been for the last 15-20 years while your daughter has a huge music star? WE WANT TO KNOW!

Well, that’s the end of GLITTER. Or as my older brother likes to call this film GUTTER, which is where it truly belongs.

I hope everyone enjoyed reading this 21th edition of my Bad Movie Tweet-A-Thon! Keep a look out in late m March for my 22nd edition, which I could be doing on one of the following three bad films: BATTLEFIELD EARTH, KAZAAM and RHINESTONE. Which one will it be? Vote on the poll which will be posted on SuperMarcey.com soon!

– Bede Jermyn

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